The Test of Time

Met up with an ex-uni mate today. We did our Masters together at LSE.

It was fun catching up. She brought me to a nice wine bar at Soho. It’s my first time at Soho, after making like more than 10 trips to HK. Haha. The funny thing was neither of us ordered wine. But the tortilla wrap was yummy actually.

We talked about many things. About our friends from LSE. About life. About religion. And at one point we talked about love.

She asked how I ended up being a modern matchmaker. So I shared with her the story of how Jamie and I decided to go into the dating industry. I told her that I feel truly blessed that Jamie and I complemented each other’s strengths and weaknesses. And also, how many friends warned us against going into business together. But how it is working out really well for us.

And she asked me, “If you guys see each other everyday, and like 24 hours a day, wouldn’t the chemistry be gone?”

I was lost for words for like 2 seconds.

Actually, she asked a very valid question. Because we are often conditioned to think that love is all about romance and passion. The giddiness. The quickening of pulse. The lack of sleep because you are up whole night thinking of the other person.

Strangely, I have also just finished reading the book ‘Why We Love’ by Helen Fisher.

I cannot remember what exactly I said to my friend.

In her book, Helen Fisher said this, “People around the world say the exhilaration of romance wanes as their marriage or partnership becomes increasingly stable, comfortable, and secure. I have mixed feelings about this fate nature has decreed. First, many of us would die of sexual exhaustion if romantic love flourished endlessly in a relationship. We wouldn’t get to work on time or concentrate on everything except ‘him’ or ‘her’. Moreover, as romantic love matures, it often expands into hundreds of complex and fulfilling feelings of attachment that produce an enormously intricate, interesting, and emotionally rewarding union with another living soul.”

I guess, if I were to answer my friend again, I would say, “The chemistry is not gone. Strange as it may sound, it has become stronger. It might no longer exist in the same form that it was when we first met. But it has evolved. To stand the test of time.” 

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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