Posts Tagged ‘lunch actually’

When meeting up with potential clients, I will ask them what they are looking for in a potential partner.

Must be attractive. Big eyes. Slim.

Tall, broad shoulders, extroverted, must make me laugh.

These are just some examples of basic dating preferences.

Many a times, when singles list down their ‘I-Want’ list, it is based on things that would spark off infatuation, or chemistry. The things that make our hearts race.

However, the truth of the matter is, infatuation lasts, on average, 3 to 12 months. When the chemical reaction in our brain subsides after a year or so, you begin to see your partner in a different light. All of a sudden, the things you used to think was really endearing becomes really annoying.

And you suddenly realise that you do not even know this person. You have nothing in common. You have nothing to talk about.

People often say, it is different when you are looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend vs. when you are looking for a husband/wife. I believe that there is some truth to that.

When you are looking to spend the rest of your life with someone, we are looking for long term qualities.

For some, the question might be, “Is he reliable and dependable? Is he patient and kind?”

For others, it could be, “Would she be a supportive wife and a nurturing mother to our children?”

And a very important question to ask, “Do we get along well? Can I imagine him or her as my best friend?”

After all, a good marriage should be friendship on fire or friendship magnified.

What is your list of traits and characteristics that you want in your long-term partner? Most companies have a mission statement. Lunch Actually’s mission statement reads:

Lunch Actually exists to create a solution for single busy professionals who do not have the right environment to meet other like-minded people as a result of their busy and hectic work environment.

We believe that every individual deserves love, respect and companionship. Thus we strive to create supreme value and provide immaculate service to address the needs of the people we serve.

Jamie and I created this mission statement to remind ourselves why we started this business in the first place. Because in business and life, sometimes, you will lose your way. And you will forget, what was the purpose of it all?

Same with finding love.

What is your dating mission statement?

What are the traits you are looking for in your long-term partner? Ponder upon it. It would be even more powerful if you could write it down. Because along the way, you might be swayed by your biological and short-term needs. These short-term needs unfortunately do little to contribute to the success of a long-term relationship.

You might ask me at this point.

“Violet, why can’t we have it all? Someone who will fulfill our short-term biological needs as well as our long-term relationship needs. “

Of course that would be most ideal. But when we are searching for a partner, we make our choices, and others make their choices as well. He/she is your cup of tea, but you might not be theirs. And at the end of the day, do we want to be going around in circles and never meeting the right one, when the right one could be just right under our nose?

When I was looking for a potential partner, I thought I definitely wanted someone who is muscular, extroverted, and the life of the party. Those who know my hubby Jamie would know that he is anything but those criteria. I was looking out for my short-term biological needs when I put down those criteria. Muscular and well-built so I feel secure and protected. Extroverted would suggest that he’s fun to be with.

But when it comes down to it, all of these are not important because he might not be much of a talker in front of others, we can talk and talk and talk. 9 years after we first met, we still spend hours talking to each other every day. Does not matter he might not come across as the most witty and fun person, but we sure have lots of fun hanging out with each other.

And I am definitely very different from his initial list of ‘I-Want’. You can ask him to share them with you when you meet him.

So, what is your dating mission statement?

Are you looking for a short-term biological relationship?

Or someone whom you can share the rest of your life with?

Happy contemplating!

P/S For my readers who are already dating, or happily married, do you have any related stories to share?

Dearest Friends,

We have come to the end of the year 2008. In another 7 hours or so, we will be ushering in 2009.

It’s quite funny, I was looking back at my goals that I set for 2008, and I have to say that I have not been very successful in fully implementing most of them. There are some health goals, personal development goals and spiritual goals.

In terms of health goals, I wanted to take up yoga this year. Well, I did sign up for a class, which I did not manage to attend most of the time. Then I signed up for a yoga membership! (Yes, I never learn…) And then, I got pregnant, and decide to defer it till next year. So, I still have not advanced very far in that goal.

And in terms of the business goals, truth is… I am quite happy with our ‘report card’ this year…

1. Launch of Matchmaking Institute, South East Asia, and have run 3 courses so far.

2. Launch of ADAMS (Association of Dating Agencies and Matchmakers of Singapore).

3. Launch of LUNCH Actually, Hong Kong! This is like a dream that I have had ever since we started LUNCH Actually… to eventually go regional, and this is our first step!

4. Having lunch with Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong at the Istana! Wow… I wonder if I would ever get such a chance if I was not in the dating & matchmaking industry.

5. Jamie & I were one of the Honourees for Spirit of Enterprise Award 2008.

6. Both LUNCH Actually & Eteract.com were among the pioneer batch to be accredited by the Government’s SDU Trustmark. LUNCH Actually received CASETrust Accreditation.

7. Attended quite a number of clients’ weddings, sharing in their bliss and happiness. And knowing that there are LUNCH Actually babies out there, and more on the way…!

And yet, it just never feels good enough.

I was quite down for a while yesterday, when I spoke to a single lady in her late 30s. I know that based on her profile and preferences, I am not able to sign her up as a member, because many guys in our database are looking for younger ladies. I explained the situation to her, but she got quite upset with me. And after I put down the phone, I was quite sad. I am upset because after 5 years in the industry, I am still not able to help these older ladies. I wonder if we ever can…

In terms of personal development goals, I wanted to complete my Advanced Communicator Silver for Toastmasters, but unfortunately I did not get very far. I did take part in the Humorous Speech Contest this year, and got as far as the Division Level. And… I forgot my speech half way. Stood there for 30 seconds. And then recovered. Can you believe it? I did not forget my speech at Club or Area Level, but it had to happen at the Division Level! Nonetheless, it was a good learning experience, and I learnt a lot from the more accomplished speakers.

The one goal that I have set, and I felt that I have accomplished is my spiritual goal. Last year, at about this time, Jamie and I decided to start attending church again. And our goal was to attend church regularly. Apart from some missing weeks here and there, we are on track. I must say Jamie and I have benefited so much from God’s Grace this year. Many times, we are tasked with facing difficult decisions or challenges, and God has answered all our prayers.

Many have predicted 2009 to be a challenging year in terms of the economic outlook.

I am preparing myself for an interesting year ahead. I am optimistic and I believe that there would be even more opportunities out there for us to reach out to more singles and help them find their happiness. 2009 is also the year that Jamie and I will be welcoming a new addition to our family. Did I tell you my Babe kisses my tummy now when I ask him to ’sayang’ (love) his Mei-mei? Oh ya, we are expecting a girl!

As this year comes to a close, I would like to take the opportunity to say a big thank you the kind souls who have made a big difference in my life this year.

My ever-doting parents who give unconditionally. My in-laws & my extended family for their support, especially with Babe when Jamie and I are at work. Yin Yin & Vincent for being so wonderful and supportive, and walking with my parents’ in their journey with Christ. My girlfriends, you know who you are, for lending a listening ear, for believing in my dreams, and simply letting me be me. My team at LUNCH Actually & Eteract for working so hard throughout the year.

And… as always, I save the best for last… :) My dearest husband, without you, I will not be able to accomplish half of what I have done this year. You are truly my inspiration, my unwavering supporter, my pillar of strength. Thank you for putting up with my ups and downs, my crazy mood swings, my PMSes. I know you already know this, but I can never say it often enough… I love you!

To all my dearest friends and readers out there, Happy New Year! May the new year brings you much joy, laughter and happiness!

Love, Violet

P/S A new poll is up, go vote!

Had a call from a local magazine today. They are looking for ladies who have found love in their 30s. So, they wanted my help to check with our clients if they are willing to be interviewed.

It was a good opportunity for me to catch up with our married clients. Called up one of our lady clients who got married earlier this year… let’s call her M. It was really nice to touch base with her. So I told her about the story angle, and asked if she was willing to be interviewed and photographed for the magazine. She gamely agreed. I also told her that it is not necessary for her to tell the magazine how she and hubby met, as many of our clients would prefer not to let people know that they met through a dating agency.

Then M actually said, “I don’t mind!” Wow! Then she asked me if she can bring her own clothes. I told her I am not too sure, as sometimes the magazine might prepare clothes for the shoot, but I will check. And that was when she told me the extremely GOOD NEWS…

“Oh, it’s because I am pregnant!”

Wow! I was like so happy. Another Lunch Actually baby.

When people ask me, “Don’t you sometimes get tired of your profession? Why are you so passionate about what you do? Why this business of all business?”

This is the reason… I think there are not many jobs in the world where you can have a ‘direct’ hand in helping someone find happiness, and help bring a child to this world.

Can’t wait to see the photos of the baby! Happy happy happy!

Did I tell you that I have been invited to another wedding recently? Two of our clients got married.

And it was a real grand affair. It was held at one of the poshest (is there such a word?) hotel in Singapore. And we are reallly happy for them, because they are such nice people, and as time goes by, we have actually become friends.

What struck me as really interesting at this particular client’s wedding is this…

Usually, when I go for client’s wedding, I will always keep a low profile. I will avoid speaking to people on my table. Or even when they make small talk, I will reply very politely, and not seek to prolong the conversation. The reason is very simple. I do not want to tell people that I am a matchmaker, or I run a dating service, and risk them drawing the direct conclusion that the couple met through us. Our clients usually prefer for people not to know how they actually meet, and I respect their decision. It is not my place to ’advertise’ or ‘market’ our business. We are happy to just be there to bask in their happiness and their joy.

I always joke about it with Jamie… if people ask… I will say I am a housewife, and he will say that he is in the IT business. 

So anyway, back to this particular wedding dinner. Right at the start of the wedding dinner, the groom came over to the table and say… “I put you guys at this table because I think you guys are of the same wavelength and will be able to do some networking as well,” and I politely smiled. And he proceeded to say, “Please meet Jamie and Violet, they run a very successful dating agency, Lunch Actually!” And my smile froze, not knowing how to react. He introduced the rest, and then left to entertain his other guests. I was very worried during the entire dinner that people at my table were going to ask the question…

“So… did they meet through you guys?”

And it did not help that one of the groom’s friend on our table actually knew that the bride and groom met through us. And kept saying things like… “So Violet, I am sure you are invited to many wedding dinners?” And gave me this knowing smile. I really felt like throwing Fried Rice at him.

But you know what was the most amazing thing?

Nobody on the table even suspected. Not one.

And then I suddenly realised why.

Because the bride and the groom are so eligible. The bride is beautiful. She’s definitely someone you would classify as above average, if not gorgeous. Someone that guys would definitely look twice. And the groom is successful and talented.

And that was the reason, that it never come across anybody’s mind that they actually met through a dating service.

Because people always have the impression that people who go to dating services are ’single, desperate and ugly!’

And this couple is definitely far from being ’single, desperate and ugly’.

I just thought that was quite an interesting experience. And perhaps from now on, I can stop saying that I am a housewife, even though that is my secret ambition… haha!  

Dearest Readers,

Jamie and I have been nominated for a Singaporean award that aims to encourage entrepreneurial spirit. After sending out 10,000 dates, having 85% of these dates being rated as satisfactory to excellent, having been the matchmaker of close to 30 marriages and more than 80 couples in the last 4.5 years, we are extremely honored and excited about this nomination. J

You can read the interview here - http://www.soe.org.sg/files/interview2008.php?i=180&a=&c=&year=2008

Out of the 145 nominees, only 43 will be selected as honorees, and the 43 nominees with the highest votes will be selected. J

So, if you like what you read OR you think we are doing a great job helping people get together OR you are a really supportive friend OR you simply love us, please register as a voter here http://www.soe.org.sg/sg/voterregistration.php and vote for us. The entire process will take you less than 5 minutes.

Thank you very much for your support!

Sincerely,

Violet

P/S: We would be very grateful if you could forward the links to your friends as well, thanks!