DaFG: Date Like a Pro… Learn from Twilight’s Edward Cullen!

Edward Cullen? Edward who?Those of you who are currently dating or married probably know which Edward I am talking about… because your girlfriends or wives cannot stop telling you about him. For those of you who don’t, don’t worry, I will fill you in. 

Edward Cullen is the male lead in the Twilight saga, which started off as teen fiction, and now brought to life in the big screen. Ever since the first movie ‘Twilight’ was released, Edward has won thousands if not millions of girls and women over. Teenage girls and their mothers alike are crazy about him.

Why? You wonder… Well, because he is every girl’s dream guy. He’s the ‘perfect guy’. Well, he’s actually a vampire. Anyway, that’s another story altogether. So here goes… he’s tall, handsome, mysterious, dreamy eyes and sensitive, you get the drift.

Before you dismiss him as another F4 boy, he has the strength of a superhero. He is super strong. He can block a truck coming your way at 100km/hour with one hand. He is smart and well-read. And he plays the piano. Yes, my friends, he has the entire package. Luckily for you guys, he’s fictional! J

However, there are a few things that you can learn from Edward to make you a super date yourself.

  1. Edward is always polite and courteous. Edward comes from the 19th century; hence he’s a perfect gentleman. He opens the car doors for her. He is polite to all the waiting staff when they go to restaurants. He is sweet to her friends. Even though her father does not treat him in the nicest nor friendliest manner, he is always gracious and polite and never loses his cool. Takeaway point: Want to score brownie points? Stop acting all macho in front of her friends. Be nice to them, and earn their approval. Meeting her parents? Impress them with your impeccable manners. And treat her like a lady. Forget the gender equality. When it comes to dating, a lady wants to be pampered and looked after. Full stop.
  1. Edward always puts her needs first. Well, as I mentioned earlier, Edward is a vampire. And his lady love Bella is a human. Even though he really loves her, he is constantly tempted to quench his thirst. And the smell of blood is so, so tempting. So whenever he is with her, he always has to restrain himself from biting her even though his entire physique is saying… Bite her!!! Takeaway point: The next time she wants to go shopping and you wish you could just laze in front of the TV, instead of dragging your feet, surprise her by being an enthusiastic shopping partner. She would be extremely delighted to know that you adore her enough to put her needs before yours.

  1. Edward is always there. Yes, he is ALWAYS there. Even when she’s sleeping! As you know vampires do not sleep at night. In Edward’s case, he does not sleep ever. Anyway, when she sleeps, he lies beside her and watch her sleep. Yes, I am not kidding. So when she wakes up, he’s always the first thing she sees. Takeaway point: Ok, I know some of you will be gagging now. J But you know what, women like their men to be there for them. Not necessarily watching them sleep, but knowing that they can count on you and rely on you. And you will be there for them no matter what.

Try out these new 'tricks', and I am sure your date or your girlfriend will be extremely impressed with the ‘new’ you!

Happy dating!

Article first appeared in New Man, Malaysia.

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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DAfG: Dating on a Shoestring

Everybody around you is talking about the recession. You heard through the grapevine that your company is planning to do another retrench exercise. It’s time to tighten up on your spending. As you know, dating is about impressing.

So how do you cut down on your spending, and yet not come across as a cheap date? Here are 6 creative date ideas that you can implement to recession-proof your dating!

1)      Play tourist: Tired of the same old hangouts? Always going to the shopping centres for coffee or dinner? Break the routine. It’s time to play tourist. Grab a copy of the local map, and go off the beaten track. Bring your camera along and take lots of photos of what you see and of each other!

2)      Be a volunteer: When you give, you will receive. What better ways to impress your date by showing her that you have a BIG heart? Look out some local charities and see how you can help out. If both of you are animal lovers, head down to SPCA and help them out for a day. Or you could visit an old folks’ home to bring some cheer to the elderly folks. Take this opportunity to get to know your date better, as you see their compassionate side.

3)      Visit the flea markets: Women love to shop! Offer to drive your date to one of the flea markets in town, and spend time exploring the various booths with her. She will be really impressed to finally meet a guy who is willing to shop with her!

4)      Move that dinner date to picnic under the stars: Rather than the boring (not to mention expensive) dinner date, move it one notch up by dining under the stars! Romance her with your prepared picnic basket of champagne and strawberries. Do remember to bring along insect repellent to keep the mozzies away.

5)      Cook up a storm: They used to say, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” In today’s world, I think the same applies for women as well. Rather than pay hundreds of dollars for a 3 course dinner, why not cook your own dinner? Your date will definitely be touched by your culinary efforts.

6)      Watch the sunset together: Stroll down the beach together, hand in hand. It’s beautiful. It’s romantic. It’s sweet. And most importantly, it’s free.

The key here is to be creative and innovative. Put some thought into it, and think of something that you’ll both enjoy doing. The more personalized the experience, the better it is. The great thing about being on a budget is that you are forced to think out of the box, and this will make the date a unique experience! And when it is an all new experience for her, it would make the date, and you, more memorable!

Happy dating!

(Note: First appeared in New Man Malaysia Oct 2009)

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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DAfG: Dating Out of Your League?

This is a new series that I am starting – Dating Advice for Guys (DAfG).

***

Often in your dating journey, you will encounter someone whom you are deeply impressed with. Your friends will ask you to stop dreaming as they think that she is out of your league. Well, truth is, there is no harm trying right?

So first and foremost, the F word. How do you conquer the fear of disapproval and rejected?

Fear of rejection is detrimental to your dating life as it will make you freeze and stop you from functioning properly. You might be so uptight that you might start stuttering, your words coming out all wrong etc. Chances are you fear rejection because you have been rejected so many times and you are afraid that it is going to happen again. The thing is you are probably lacking in confidence. So if you build up your confidence using the steps stated below, you probably would have a foot in.

Step by step guide to boost your self confidence:

(a)    Change your mindset: Often, it’s all in the mind. You have to change the messages that you are telling yourself over and over again. Instead of saying thing such as, “I am such a loser, no girls will like me,” or “I am not successful enough, I am not funny enough,” try changing these lines to positive affirmations of yourself. Be positive. “I am sociable.” “I am confident.”“People will accept me.” “Girls will find me attractive.” Once you start to believe them, the way you carry yourself would be different.

(b)   Step by step: Do not jump into the deep end. If you are shy approaching women whom you are interested in, or your long-time crush, start taking baby steps by talking to women whom you meet on a daily basis e.g. the cashier at the supermarket. Just by saying hi and asking them how they are doing, will eventually help you build up confidence on approaching ladies.

(c)    Keep at it: Along the way, you might feel uncomfortable with all the changes that you are making to your life, or you might not see any improvement despite having make changes. Like anything else in life, it takes time. So set a medium to long term goal, and keep at it. Do not give up like after a week.

The secret is really to just get a conversation going. And once you do that, things will just fall into place. Even if she does not happen to immediately agree to go out on a date with you, you have made a new friend, and who knows where that would lead to. If you have been using rehearsed pick-up lines, maybe it is time to stop and be more genuine and more natural.

Now that you have boosted your self-confidence, here is your game plan for snagging a girl who is ‘out of your league’:

(a)    First and foremost, realise that beautiful, smart, rich women are people as well. They are not goddesses, even though you might see them as such. Hence, stop being intimidated. If you cannot get over this fact, you are unlikely to succeed.

(b)   Next, do your research. You might be surprised but the more beautiful or attractive or rich or smart a woman is, chances are she can be quite insecure. She is constantly worried that guys are only after their looks, or their money etc. Hence, the question is, how do you make her feel self-assured? Be a good listener, be a good conversationalist.

(c)    Women who are “out of your league” generally would have many suitors. Hence, they have had many experiences listening to bad pick-up lines, or men trying to flatter them, or men trying to worship the ground they walk on. Hence, do not ‘suck up’ to them. The more you do it, the less value you have in their eyes.

(d)   Know your strengths and play them up. Create situations or scenarios where you can show off your unique qualities and impress her. E.g. if you are a talented singer, or if you can cook really well. When you are doing something you are comfortable in your own skin, you will appear confident and attractive.

(e)   Last but not least, re-examine your objective of approaching women who are out of your league. Is it because you are looking for a trophy girlfriend or wife? Is this girl truly compatible with you? Do you like her for the right reasons? Because sometimes, there are girls whom you might not be attracted to initially, but you guys are actually a match made in heaven.

Happy dating!

(First appeared in New Man Magazine August 2009)

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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