And I thought I knew what I wanted…

When meeting up with clients, one of the most common question I ask is, “What are you looking for in your ideal partner?”

Usually, the answer would include some physical attributes. Guys usually prefer to meet ladies who are slim and shorter than them. And ladies prefer to meet guys who are taller and of bigger build than them. Many ladies also like guys who are outgoing, extroverted, charismatic and humorous. And usually, both men and women would prefer partners with clear and unblemished skin.

Hubby and I had this conversation the other day.

He said, “Before I meet you, my dating criteria would be a girl who is slim and much shorter than me.”

For those of you who have never met me before… erm… I can hardly be categorised as slim. And I am actually quite tall as a girl.

He continued. “But now, I cannot imagine going out with someone who is too skinny. And your height seems just right.”

I thought it was really interesting. Because I have always wanted to date someone who is of bigger build than me. And someone who is outgoing and the life of the party. People who know my hubby would probably laugh at this point. Because hubby is so introverted that some of my friends initially wonder if we ever communicate!

And now, I cannot fathom going out with a guy who is too loud. Or too outgoing. Or someone who is too beefed up!

It’s quite funny, don’t you think?

We always think we know what we want. And what works for us. But when we meet someone whom we can connect on a higher level with… all these initial rules just do not apply anymore! And more ironically, our ‘taste’ actually changes! Because our brain now tells us that this is actually our ‘type’, and we are now conditioned to believe that this is our ‘type’.

And there I was, thinking I knew what I wanted… :)

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually ( Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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