Turning 35: 10 Things I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago

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Turning 35 is a big milestone. I am officially middle age! 🙂 Of course not everything are roses and happines, I also started to use a Dim Supplement to counter early menopause concequences. Just like how I reflected when I turned 30, I decided to do a mini reflection now that I have turned 35.

Here are 10 things that I have learnt in the last couple of years.

1. You cannot find your passion. Your passion will find you. Just like any other wide-eyed idealistic youth, I wanted to travel the world, I wanted to find myself, I wanted to know what my passion is. I have learnt that as romantic as it might sound, one cannot find his or her passion by doing “Eat, Pray, Love”. When you have the right mindset, when you are ready, your passion will find you. When I first went into the matchmaking business, did I know 100% that this was my passion? Not really. It was after years of keep going at it that I eventually know that this is what I love doing, and want to continue doing.

2. You cannot be everyone’s friend. You cannot make everyone like you. My DISC profile is high D, high I. I love people. I crave for people’s approval. I used to get very upset when I think some people do not like me. I have even tried all sorts of way to please them hoping that by doing that, I can “buy their love”. I have learnt over the years that – if you were to have accomplished anything in life, you would have your supporters and detractors. Nowadays, I am happy and contented to have a small circle of close family and friends who love me for who I am. And these are the people I know that I can always count on no matter what happens.

3. You should always tell the truth, and not try to be politically correct. When I first started out, I always try to be politically correct. I would sugarcoat my statements. I was afraid that if I were to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth, I might hurt others, or I might get complaints. I have come to realize that, it is always better to tell it as it is. People appreciate it when you are sincere, genuine and authentic. Even though the truth might sting, most of the times, they already know it. And they were just waiting for someone to affirm what they know. By being politically correct, we are actually not helping them at all.

4. Happiness is a choice. I have learnt that happiness is the gap between expectations and reality. The closer the gap, the happier one would be. Sometimes, we might not be able to change our circumstances. However, we can always change our expectations. Often, by just making a small tweak to our perspective, our life will be so much happier and rosier. Do not wait to be happy. Do not put your happiness into the hands of others. Choose to be happy. Today. Now.

5. Sometimes it is better to be smart than to be right. I have a strong sense of justice. I have strong principles. Most of the times, I am an easy-going person. Friends might even feel that I do not have much opinion.  I let people get their way on matters that are not important to me. But when it comes to matters of principle, I stand my ground and rarely budge. However, over the years, I have learnt that sometimes, it is better to be ‘smart’ than to be right. By giving way, by taking a step back, there would be more long-term benefits for all parties concerned, why not? I have learnt (still learning, honestly) to put my ego aside for the greater good.

6. Let go, let God. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. (Psalms 37:5) I have learnt to make plans and commit all my plans to Him. There is no reason to fret, to worry, to be anxious. When the time is right, He will bring it to pass. Since I have started to let go, let God, my life has become a lot simpler, calmer and more peaceful.

7. Leadership is a learned skill. The more you practice, the better you get. I used to worry a lot that I am a bad manager, a bad leader. I swung from being my team members’ best friend, to becoming a tyrant. Obviously, both did not work out very well. I have realized over the years that other than a few lucky ones who are born leaders, for the rest of us, it is about learning and practicing. Read books on leadership and management, practice the concepts and get feedback from others. And one day, you wake up to realize that you have become a much better leader! 🙂

8. When you forgive, you are not doing someone else a favour, you are actually doing yourself a favour. People will wrong us, and we will wrong others. Some do it out of spite and malice; some do it without even knowing and realizing it. We can hold a grudge forever, or we can choose to forgive. I initially found it very hard. Why should I forgive when I am not in the wrong? Why should I forgive when the person has not even apologized? And when I finally mustered the courage to forgive, I realized how much lighter and better I felt. Negative energy weighs us down. By learning to forgive, we free ourselves from emotional baggage and bondage.

9. When you take others’ feedback, it is not acknowledging you are not good enough; you are merely listening and learning from someone else’s point of view. I used to hate getting feedback. Of course, in front of the person giving me the feedback, I would smile and nod, but internally, I am screaming for the person to stop! I realized that I hated feedback because I felt that people are putting me down, and saying I am not good enough. But now, I realized that, feedback is just feedback. Take the good points, and discard the bad. And ever since that, personally, I have grown leaps and bounds, and the business has also been on an upward trend.

10. Life is not a sprint; it is a marathon. Went to Corum’s track and field championship the other day, and was watching the boys run. For the younger boys, they would keep looking beside and behind them, trying to see if anybody is catching up. And in life, that’s normal. Many of us will at some point or other be trying to ‘catch up with the Joneses’ – who has the bigger house, who has the more expensive car, whose kids are doing better? I have learnt that sometimes you are ahead, sometimes others are. But actually, that’s not really the point. The point is – are you a better version of yourself today, compared to yesterday? I have learnt to pace myself. Step by step.

There is still a long road ahead. 🙂

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Is it Possible to Have Rewarding Relationships While Travelling for Work?

ihg internet surveyRecently, I had the opportunity to be part of an interesting project on a topic that is close to my heart and participated as a Relationship Expert to comment on the latest survey by InterContinental Hotels Group (IHG). It revealed that travellers miss their connection when they're abroad, stating that staying in touch with loved ones at home is of top priority. 
 
As a frequent business traveller, I would have to agree with this as I often find myself getting frustrated if I'm unable to access the internet from my hotel room to get in touch with hubby and the kids back home. The worst thing that can happen after a long and tiring flight is to find out that there's no Wi-Fi in the hotel room! My favourite channel to contact home is either through Skype or FaceTime, much like the rest of the Singapore respondents. I believe that when communicating with our loved ones back home, having a video call is more powerful than a simple text of Internet Message. With video calls, I get to see the kids expressions when I ask them how their day was, and I could even read them a bed time story! 🙂
 
What really touched me among the many findings was that… Singaporeans, being one of the world's the most frequent travellers, actually make it a point to check in with their loved ones daily!!! Singaporeans actually spend more time online (44 mins) talking to our family than those from Down Under (17 mins) proving that the Asian value of 'family first' is still very strongly inculcated in us in today's day and age.
 
At the end of it, it became very apparent to me how important internet connectivity is for business travellers, like myself, to maintain relationships with our partners and kids when abroad. It is great that hotel groups like IHG with hotel brands such as Crowne Plaza, Holiday Inn Hotels & Resorts, Holiday Inn Express and InterContinental offer free internet world wide for members of the IHG Rewards Club, a loyalty programme where you may sign up free of charge!
 
So if you are a frequent business traveller like me, you might want to check them out! 🙂
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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Blog Restructuring in Progress

Dearest Readers,

Firstly, to my subscribers, am sorry for the multiple updates you have been receiving this morning. This is because I was importing posts from my other blog to this blog.

Secondly, I am in the midst of restructuring my blog to make it more congruent with ‘me’. 🙂 As many of you know, other than a professional matchmaker, I am also a mum, an entrepreneur and a lifelong learner. Hence, I am in the midst of making this blog a clearer reflection of myself and my life.

However, there is no cause for panic because I foresee that 70% of my blogposts will still be about dating and relationships. 🙂

Thanks again for your continuous support and encouragement! Have a great week ahead! 🙂

Love,
Violet

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Singapore Blog Awards 2010: I won! Thanks for your support!

Dearest Readers,

To those of you who have voted for me in the Singapore Blog Awards 2010, a big big thank you to you…! 🙂 

I won!!!

The presentation ceremony was held at Movida, St James Power Station. And by the time I got there, the place was packed. Looking around, I felt rather old… as the crowd looks really young. 🙂

Am really honoured to be the winner as there are some really great blogs being featured in the same category – 'Most Insightful Blog'.

When I first registered for this contest, I had no idea what the prizes are… so this is actually the biggest surprise when I received my prizes…

The prizes consist of:

1) Asus Eee PC Netbook

2) A trip to HK sponsored by Hong Kong Tourism Board

3) A 3 days 2 nights hotel stay in Phuket

I am actually blogging this entry from my new netbook! 🙂 Have always wanted a netbook! 🙂

And am looking forward to the HK trip. I actually agreed to take part in the 'bath tub' race which is part of the dragon boat race. I am not sure what I have gotten myself into! Well, I will definitely blog about it and tell you more.

Anyway, here's one of the few photos I took at the ceremony today. Me holding up my trophy! 🙂

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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VioletLim.com is a finalist in the S’pore Blog Awards 2010!

This morning, I received a fantastic surprise! I found out that I am one of the finalists in the Singapore Blog Awards under the 'Most Insightful Blog' category! When I first read about this award, I thought I would just register my blog at a whim. Hence, I am really honoured to be selected as one of the finalists from the 1000s of nominations! 🙂

So my dear readers, please vote for me at http://sgblogawards.omy.sg/category/

Here are some quick step-by-step pointers…

1. If you are not a member of omy.sg, you just need to join as one. The process is short and quick, would take you less than 2 minutes. 🙂

2. After signing up as a member and confirming your registration via the email link they send you, go to http://sgblogawards.omy.sg/category/ and choose 'Most Insightful Blog' category.

3. You will see my headshot, and the 'Vote' ribbon on it. Click on the ribbon, and NOT my face. 🙂 Because if you click on my face, it would bring you to my blog.

4. After you click on the 'Vote' ribbon, you will be asked to confirm if you would like to vote for me. Click YES! 🙂

5, Then, the 'Vote' ribbon will change to say 'Voted'. And voila, you are done! 🙂

You can vote once a day for each award category. Please vote generously! 😉

By voting, apart from supporting your favourite blogger ;), you also stand a chance to win some amazing prizes from omy.sg… Garmin Asus M10 smartphone, 3 days 2 nights holidays among others.

Thanks in advance for your votes! Have a wonderful week ahead! 🙂

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Exciting & Amazing Singles Events for February 2009

Dear Readers,

How are you? First and foremost, Happy Lunar New Year & Happy Moo Moo Year! 🙂

I have ‘disappeared’ for a while as I have been very busy with work, business travel and also preparing for the Lunar New Year celebration.

Just a quick update to tell all singles out there about these 2 exciting events that are happening in February! 🙂

Looking to jumpstart your social life in 2009? This is the perfect opportunity!

Sincerely, Violet

 

REVEL 
Party Event – Where the ladies call the shots 

13th Feb 09

Warning!!! This is NOT just a “normal” party event here…  In REVEL, the women will arrive first to an “all women” one hour long “bonding” session with free flow of drinks and food. 

One hour later, the men will start streaming in. For the next hour, the guys will have to approach the ladies to get a drink from them (drink coupons) which create a cheeky reverse of the usual dynamics.

Never experienced REVEL? You will never forget it.  Come join us now!

Event Size: 600 sizzling hot people!

Date and Time: 13th Feb 2009 (6.30pm to 10.00pm)

Venue: The Arena (Clarke Quay)

Early Bird Price: $45 (Includes free flow of drinks)  

Early Bird VIP Price: $70 (Includes free flow of drinks, wine, food and special VIP Area)

Early bird bookings end on 31st Jan 2009

Come sign up at www.revel.sg now  

Or send the cheque (name and contact behind) to:

Eteract.com Pte Ltd, 63 Circular Rd, #02-01, Singapore 049417

The Bedazzled

Glittering Gala Dinner

 

14th Feb 2009 

 

Red Dinner

This unique Gala Dinner provides singles the opportunity to closely interact with like-minded singles like themselves, by providing them with personalized consultations prior to the dinner. As basic matching is conducted, the chance of you sitting beside someone who can light up your eyes is significantly increased!

Held at Swissotel The Stamford, it will be a glamorous night of magic and gold full of special interactive activities, star appearances, tips by our dating gurus, attractive prizes to be won, and the crowing of “Most Bedazzling Single (male and female)!” 
 
Dates and Time:
Glittering Gala Dinner – 14th Feb (7.30pm to 11.00pm)
  
Investment:
Glittering Gala Dinner Only – $128.00 

BEST DEAL: Conference + Glittering Gala Dinner  – $198.00 only
 
Register now to enjoy our early bird discounts and the first 250 sign-ups will enjoy over SGD700 of complimentary treats from our sponsors!  
  
Just go to www.thebedazzled.com to find out more or sign up. Else you can also call 6227 8117 or email the organizer at
enquiry@atasmarketing.com  

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Spirit of Enterprise 2008 Award | Your vote counts! ;)

Dearest Readers,

Jamie and I have been nominated for a Singaporean award that aims to encourage entrepreneurial spirit. After sending out 10,000 dates, having 85% of these dates being rated as satisfactory to excellent, having been the matchmaker of close to 30 marriages and more than 80 couples in the last 4.5 years, we are extremely honored and excited about this nomination. J

You can read the interview here – http://www.soe.org.sg/files/interview2008.php?i=180&a=&c=&year=2008

Out of the 145 nominees, only 43 will be selected as honorees, and the 43 nominees with the highest votes will be selected. J

So, if you like what you read OR you think we are doing a great job helping people get together OR you are a really supportive friend OR you simply love us, please register as a voter here http://www.soe.org.sg/sg/voterregistration.php and vote for us. The entire process will take you less than 5 minutes.

Thank you very much for your support! 🙂

Sincerely,

Violet

P/S: We would be very grateful if you could forward the links to your friends as well, thanks!

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Happy Valentine’s Day! :)

Hiya,

Hope you have had a wonderful Valentine’s Day celebration…! Just got back from my V-Day date with hubby! 🙂

Will update again soon… meanwhile, have a fabulous day ahead!

Sincerely,

Violet

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Singles with a BIG Heart

Last weekend was a hectic rush for me! Attended a girlfriend's wedding in KL (Malaysia), left at 10pm (after the 4th course is served), boarded the 11pm coach back to Singapore. I am used to this crazy rush. But this time was slightly different as Jamie and I brought babe with us. Luckily babe was very cooperative and was sleeping most of the time. Was really worried that babe was going to be one of the babies who will scream his head off and keep the whole bus awake… And, we arrived at about 5am! So why the mad rush? Well… it's because last Sunday… 30 of our members have volunteered their time to deliver goodies to needy families all around Singapore. So 15 guys, 15 gals in 15 cars were driving around the island delivering goodie bags! They are really heavy by the way! 🙂

When I first heard of the event, I was worried that I would not have enough time to gather enough people. We thought even if there were only 5 cars, we would be happy with the turnout. But turned out that we had an overwhelming response! At the end, we had 15 cars! 🙂   When the media heard of the event, they decided to cover it. Managed to catch some photos of our members being interviewed. 

This is a really meaningful charity project. If you would like to do your part, all you have to do is to drive into the Boys Brigade Headquarters at 105 Ganges Avenue, load some goodie bags into your car, and deliver them to the needy families. Their target is to deliver 100,000+ bags to about 50,000 needy families before Christmas. And, they still have a lot more bags waiting to be delivered. For more information, please visit http://www.bbsgb.org.sg/contact.html

Thank you in advance for your support! 🙂

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Busy Workshop Weekend!

Wow, we are coming to the end of October. That was quick! I can still remember that the same time last month I was at the Big Apple! 🙂

Am feeling quite tired at the moment actually. This weekend is my Workshop Weekend! 🙂 I have been conducting Workshops on average about once every 2 months. Even though I am flat out, but I am happy. Am happy to be able to impart some of my knowledge and experience to people out there who are looking for their special someone. And the testimonials that I have received from the participants are definitely very encouraging and heartening. 🙂 Here are what some of them have written. 🙂

“I think Violet is very clear and practical in her presentation of the topic, and she also adds in generous dose of humour to lighten the mood. I also learned some interesting things about relationships that I never head about. The seminar made me realise that one must take a pro-active approach in kick-starting any dating process.”

“Having been out of the dating and relationship scene for so many years. his seminar is very informational and provided many insights to the things to look out for in order to be successful, pitfalls to avoid in the dating scene. Will definitely try to apply what I have learnt over the past 1.5 days and recommend this to my single friends.”

“Violet is a personable and warm coach who has practical examples of love and dating tips to share with all in her seminars. She firmly believes in dating and relationships for the busy career woman and her founding of ‘Lunch Actually’ is a valid testament to that ongoing belief. She is a positive dating coach and mentor to help anyone in any stage of their dating journey.”

“As this is my first seminar related to dating, with no other to compare, I feel that is has given me the inspiration to start the change within myself. Nobody has pointed out this before. Start working on myself, love myself then only the others will follow. Violet has given me motivation to go back dating. I will keep in mind and take action on what I learned.”

“Generally and personally, I feel that Violet has met all my expectations of this seminar and introduces me to many insights I will not learn from friends or books if (it has) not (been) spoken to me. These sessions help me see that a lot of time we can control and manage things which happen to us. We have choices of whether we want to be happy or unhappy and it just need a little bit more effort and time from my part. I’ll certainly relook into the material that was learnt in the 1.5 days and reflect upon and come up with action plans for myself. Thank you Violet.”

So even though, I only have had 3.5 hours sleep last night preparing for the seminar… it is definitely worth it! And I am looking forward to giving more of such seminars! If you are interested in attending my next seminar, please subscribe to my e-newsletter, or drop me a line using the ‘Contact’ page and I will keep you updated.

Think I better go to bed now… I need toothpicks to keep my eyes open! Will blog again soon!

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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