Is Your ‘Value’ Holding You Back?

I was invited to speak at a public seminar a few weeks back, and one of the other speakers shared,

"Wherever you are right now in life is a result of a value that you hold dear to."

When she said that, I immediately reflected on my own life.

Jamie and I wouldn't be able to build our business from zero to where it is right now, if we did not strongly believe in self-improvement. We have spent close to a hundred thousand dollars on self improvement courses and materials. Many people think we are crazy. We chose to invest in our personal growth rather in luxuries such as cars and plasma TVs. Yes, we still have one of those boxy TVs. :)

If I did not hold dear my family values, I would not have settled down at 25 and have our first child at 26, when most people my age are still clubbing and having fun.

And… If not for my 'value' of deriving pleasure from eating good food, I would not be constantly struggling with my weight!!!

If you are single, and have been single for most parts of your life, is there something within your value system that holds you back from finding love? Consciously, you think you want to find a partner. But subconsciously, are you telling yourself something else? I met a client recently who after a lot of probing, confessed to me that she thinks that she might have been sabotaging herself when it comes to love. And perhaps that is the reason she still has yet to find the right one despite being a pretty, confident and pleasant lady. Sometimes, we might be telling ourselves, "I am doing very well on my own!" or "Why do I want to compromise on what I already have? I am very comfortable with my lifestyle." or "Marriage will tie me down." 

You are in a no-win battle. You may take one step forward by joining a dating service to enlarge your social circle, but your value that you hold dear – "freedom" takes you two steps backward. And hence, no matter how many potential matches you meet, nothing ever works out because there will ALWAYS be something wrong with the person. You will always nitpick on something to squiggle your way out of a potential romance.

What is holding you back from finding your Mr. or Ms. Right? Very often, it is not just the external factors, but also the internal factors. 

Isn't it time we free ourselves from the bondage of values that do not serve us? Happy soul-searching! :)

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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1 Comment

  1. Yup! Our mindset, mentality, perceptions, believe system, values, and … whatever you call it—They can help; they can hinder. Use them wisely, dear friends. Don't be like me.

    [Reply]

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