DAfG: 4 Signs that You Should De-clutter your Dating (Life)Style

DaFG=Dating Advice for Guys :)

Time flies. Before you know it, we are approaching the middle of 2010. And you think to yourself, where has the year gone? One of your New Year resolutions is to meet the girl of your dreams, and you do not seem to be getting anywhere. It is not that you are not meeting new people. You are! But… there’s always a “But”.

Here is a useful guide to look out for the 4 signs that indicate that you should really de-clutter your dating life and dating style before it is too late!

Sign #1: Your female friends and colleagues refuse to introduce their female friends to you.

You might read this and shrug. You might even laugh it off. But this is a rather telling sign. Do you know that the most preferred way for people to meet is through mutual friends? And it is also one of the most common methods that people meet their special someone. So if your network of female friends is writing you off from their books, do you know how much you are missing out on? My guess is the reason they are writing you off is they are rather put off by your behavior or your attitude towards dating.

What you can do: Therefore, rather than just laugh, ask them why. Why wouldn’t they introduce you to their female friends? It could be the way you dress. The way you talk. Or maybe just the way you treat them. You can get BIG insights to what you are doing wrong. Ask them how you could turn yourself around so that they feel you are introduction-worthy. Many guys make the mistake of boxing their female friends and colleagues as non-romantic interests; hence they do not need to make any extra effort with these female friends. Perhaps it’s time you readjust your classification. See them as your resource – people who could possibly introduce you to the girl of your dreams!

 

Sign #2: When you muster enough courage and walk across the room to approach a girl, you catch her giving her friend the ‘Oh no, not him!’ look.

 

We all know that look. It could be a crestfallen look, as they were hoping that it was your cute and eligible friend walking over. Or it could be a pitying look because they think you are way out of their league. If you are cast off even before you have struck up a conversation, chances are you have a presentation problem. You do not come across as confident or attractive enough. It could be your dressing, or your hairstyle, or your demeanor in general.

What you can do: Do a personal style assessment. If you have some spare cash, hire an image consultant. If not, gather a few friends and ask them to give you some brutally honest opinion on your physical outlook, your grooming and your dressing. Of course, gather friends whom you think have a better fashion sense than you. Most male magazines would have fashion tips. Look at what the latest trends are, and update your wardrobe and your style. A good haircut also makes a great difference!

Sign #3: Your dates never answer your phone calls or reply your SMSes after the first date.

You asked her out for a first date and she agreed. In your opinion, the date went well. She appeared attentive and interested. You thought you did all the right things. You try to impress her by telling her more about yourself. However, when you call her after that fateful date, she never returns your call, and she never replies to your SMSes. And you just don’t understand. Because you thought she was really keen. Well, chances are you are missing out on all the ‘small things’ that women find important. Or you might be overdoing some things.

What you can do: Do a date audit trail. Try to recall blow-by-blow what happened during the first date. Were you rude to the waiter? Did you talk too much about yourself that you come across as a bragger? Were you considerate and let her order first? Were you on time? Did you offer to pick up the tab? Did you offer to send her home, or at least walk her to the cab stand? Some of these things might seem insignificant to you. But like it or not, these actions can either help you gain extra brownie points or end your potential romance prematurely.

Sign #4: Your dates always eventually sheepishly ask you to introduce them to your seemingly more confident best friend. And they thank you for being such a nice guy.

You go on a few dates together, and in your opinion, things are going well. You are always thoughtful and courteous. You try to please her as much as you can. But somewhere in the 3rd or 4th date, she tells you that you are a really nice guy and they would love to be friends. You always end up in the ‘Friend Zone’.  There’s a Chinese saying, “If men are not ‘bad boys’, women would not love them.” The problem with being too nice is women would perceive that you are of a lower value, hence you are trying to bribe them. Women like men who are confident, who believe in themselves, who carry themselves well. And these are some qualities that the ‘bad boys’ possess.

What you can do: Stop trying to be a pleaser. It just does not work. Observe how your ‘bad boys’ friends behave around women. See how confident they are, and how women flock to them like moth to fire. I am not encouraging bad behavior, but I am encouraging you to be more decisive, to be more confident. Know what you want, and go out and get it. Women are attracted to men who are driven and ambitious.

You might see yourself in one of the four scenarios, or you might even see yourself in more than one category. One of the keys to being a successful dater is being aware of your strengths and your limitations, and work on improving your ‘inner game’.

Have fun taking stock of your dating lifestyle, and happy dating!

First appeared in New Man magazine, Malaysia.

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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