“There aren’t enough confident men…”

Vishak: I am a 35-year-old expat with no boyfriend. I'm seriously considering asking my company for a transfer to another country. I love it here in Singapore but I find that there aren't enough confident men to ask out single successful women like me.

I think it’s quite interesting that you said “there aren’t enough confident men to ask out single successful women like me”. Many of my female clients are single and successful career women. And most of them are strong-willed, driven and aggressive. This is what I tell them, “Men are looking to marry women, not men!”

Unfortunately, the same skills that you have acquired and adopted to climb up the corporate ladder don’t necessarily bring you very far in the dating game. I suggest that you leave the fist-thumping back in the board room, and rediscover your feminine side. I always say to my female clients, “You do not always have to have the last say! You are on a date, not a debate!” I’m not asking you to play dumb, I’m merely asking you to revel in your femininity. Enjoy the chase. Enjoy being a woman. In fact, it’s our privilege! Change your perspective, and you will suddenly realize that there are many eligible and confident men around you after all.

First published in herworld.com

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4 Comments

  1. I agree with Violet 100%.

    To truly succeed in the corporate and business world, women have to be like men, work-wise. Men are aggressive, task and result-oriented, drivers – the typical Alpha male who get things done and understand the big picture. While men can go all out and battle with each other during boardroom hours, they can easily switch gears and have a beer with each other after that. Work is work, play is play.
    So successful career women are just one of the guys, can be part of the team, and hang out with the guys, not expecting any special treatment just because they are women.
    In the relationship arena,  we guys expect women to be women. Feminine traits and all. If we wanted a partner who is as just as aggressive and expect to fight battles with us within the relationship in the same light as fighting corporate wars, then we would have paired off with our guy buddies in the first place.

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  2. Hi Edwin,

    Welcome to my blog! πŸ™‚ Thanks for your great insights… it's really good to hear from one of the guys and get your perspective!

    Sincerely, Violet

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  3. I just found your blog when looking up all the people presenting at iDate. My impression of Singapore (I'm not a resident) is that there are so many guys who are lazy. There are so many cute girls who really  put in a lot of effort on their looks and the way they act. But the guys run around in their football (soccer) jersey and act like slobs. They are not manly, they're just sloppy. And they wouldn't have the balls to ask a girl out. And most expat guys are either married or fooling around. That narrows the pool and then it doesn't matter if you're feminine or not. But that being said. I think the person who's asking is actually being too feminine. Why does the guys have to ask her out? If she's the career oriented boardroom basher she would just identify guys that she likes and ask them out. I totally fell for that and now I'm married to a great Asian woman.

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  4. @Gee, Hi Gee, welcome to my blog, and thanks for the different perspective! Well, I think in all countries, there will always be a minority of men who are ‘lazy’ to go for the chase. πŸ™‚ And there will also be some women who come across as too aggressive as well. It’s all about finding the right balance. I am really glad that you have found a great match! πŸ™‚

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