Launch of new dating service – eSynchrony

More S'poreans open to online dating, matchmaking

By Hetty Musfirah | Posted: 24 June 2010 1827 hrs

SINGAPORE: A regional dating survey of singles in Singapore, Malaysia and Hong Kong has found that Singaporeans are the most open to the idea of online matchmaking and dating. 

To ride on the trend, a unique online initiative has been launched. 

(Article extracted from Channel News Asia)

***

After working on this project for months, our latest 'baby' is born! eSynchrony is a hybrid dating service that offers the best of online and 'offline' dating, We launched the website officially today in Singapore. 🙂 

… read more of the news article here!

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Is it possible for a long-distance relationship to work?

Rani: Is it possible for a long-distance relationship to work? My boyfriend is on a 2-year stint in the US and although he visits during major occasions, I feel that the distance is somehow making us grow apart.

Yes. And I’m a living testament . My husband and I had a long-distance relationship for 2 and a half years when I was studying overseas. At the end of the day, it’s about mutual trust and also making the effort to ensure your relationship stays strong.

One of the most important things is to establish a timeline – knowing when the long-distance element of the relationship will end and you’ll be in a normal relationship again. Being apart doesn’t mean that you cannot do things together. For example, you can still play games online to stay connected.

First appeared in herworld.com

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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I can’t open up my feelings to my boyfriend…

Michelle: I find it really hard to open up my feelings to my boyfriend of 5 years. Sure, we talk a lot, but it’s all fluff and nothing about our future as a couple. What’s wrong with me and how can I open up without it turning awkward?

The best relationships are those where the husband and wife are each other’s best friend. If you find it hard to open up your feelings to your boyfriend now, your relationship might be heading for disaster in the long run. You want to be able to pour your heart out to your future partner.

Or maybe it’s just talking about marriage that you find difficult? Many women find this difficult because they’re afraid to “lose face”. Or they’re afraid if they push too hard, the man will run. You’ve gone out with him for 5 years, I don’t think you want to go out with him for another 5 years with no commitment set in place. Start out with some open-ended questions like “Where do you see our relationship going?” At the end of the day, you have to share with him how you feel. And if he’s not responsive, you really might want to re-evaluate your relationship with him.

First appeared in herworld.com

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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He wants me to be a full-time housewife! But I want my career!

Li-ann: My fiance and I have been discussing our future family life together. One of the things we can't agree on is my work – he wants me to be a full-time housewife. How do I convince him that I can still be a good wife, mother and career woman?

Many times, people have certain expectations due to their upbringing. Chances are your fiancé’s mum could have been a full-time housewife and he grew up having his mum there for him all the time. Or, his mum was a career woman and he felt that she was never there for him, and doesn’t want the same for his children. Try to see things from his point of view and where he’s coming from. Perhaps you could suggest to him to let you give it a go – to balance your roles as a good wife, mother and career woman. But, you must also be open to making some adjustments if eventually you’re not able to cope as well as you thought you would. After all, a marriage is about give and take.

First appeared in herworld.com

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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DAfG: 4 Signs that You Should De-clutter your Dating (Life)Style

DaFG=Dating Advice for Guys 🙂

Time flies. Before you know it, we are approaching the middle of 2010. And you think to yourself, where has the year gone? One of your New Year resolutions is to meet the girl of your dreams, and you do not seem to be getting anywhere. It is not that you are not meeting new people. You are! But… there’s always a “But”.

Here is a useful guide to look out for the 4 signs that indicate that you should really de-clutter your dating life and dating style before it is too late!

Sign #1: Your female friends and colleagues refuse to introduce their female friends to you.

You might read this and shrug. You might even laugh it off. But this is a rather telling sign. Do you know that the most preferred way for people to meet is through mutual friends? And it is also one of the most common methods that people meet their special someone. So if your network of female friends is writing you off from their books, do you know how much you are missing out on? My guess is the reason they are writing you off is they are rather put off by your behavior or your attitude towards dating.

What you can do: Therefore, rather than just laugh, ask them why. Why wouldn’t they introduce you to their female friends? It could be the way you dress. The way you talk. Or maybe just the way you treat them. You can get BIG insights to what you are doing wrong. Ask them how you could turn yourself around so that they feel you are introduction-worthy. Many guys make the mistake of boxing their female friends and colleagues as non-romantic interests; hence they do not need to make any extra effort with these female friends. Perhaps it’s time you readjust your classification. See them as your resource – people who could possibly introduce you to the girl of your dreams!

 

Sign #2: When you muster enough courage and walk across the room to approach a girl, you catch her giving her friend the ‘Oh no, not him!’ look.

 

We all know that look. It could be a crestfallen look, as they were hoping that it was your cute and eligible friend walking over. Or it could be a pitying look because they think you are way out of their league. If you are cast off even before you have struck up a conversation, chances are you have a presentation problem. You do not come across as confident or attractive enough. It could be your dressing, or your hairstyle, or your demeanor in general.

What you can do: Do a personal style assessment. If you have some spare cash, hire an image consultant. If not, gather a few friends and ask them to give you some brutally honest opinion on your physical outlook, your grooming and your dressing. Go to instash and get a grooming kit. Of course, gather friends whom you think have a better fashion sense than you. Most male magazines would have fashion tips. Look at what the latest trends are, and update your wardrobe and your style. A good haircut also makes a great difference!

Sign #3: Your dates never answer your phone calls or reply your SMSes after the first date.

You asked her out for a first date and she agreed. In your opinion, the date went well. She appeared attentive and interested. You thought you did all the right things. You try to impress her by telling her more about yourself. However, when you call her after that fateful date, she never returns your call, and she never replies to your SMSes. And you just don’t understand. Because you thought she was really keen. Well, chances are you are missing out on all the ‘small things’ that women find important. Or you might be overdoing some things.

What you can do: Do a date audit trail. Try to recall blow-by-blow what happened during the first date. Were you rude to the waiter? Did you talk too much about yourself that you come across as a bragger? Were you considerate and let her order first? Were you on time? Did you offer to pick up the tab? Did you offer to send her home, or at least walk her to the cab stand? Some of these things might seem insignificant to you. But like it or not, these actions can either help you gain extra brownie points or end your potential romance prematurely.

Sign #4: Your dates always eventually sheepishly ask you to introduce them to your seemingly more confident best friend. And they thank you for being such a nice guy.

You go on a few dates together, and in your opinion, things are going well. You are always thoughtful and courteous. You try to please her as much as you can. But somewhere in the 3rd or 4th date, she tells you that you are a really nice guy and they would love to be friends. You always end up in the ‘Friend Zone’.  There’s a Chinese saying, “If men are not ‘bad boys’, women would not love them.” The problem with being too nice is women would perceive that you are of a lower value, hence you are trying to bribe them. Women like men who are confident, who believe in themselves, who carry themselves well. And these are some qualities that the ‘bad boys’ possess.

What you can do: Stop trying to be a pleaser. It just does not work. Observe how your ‘bad boys’ friends behave around women. See how confident they are, and how women flock to them like moth to fire. I am not encouraging bad behavior, but I am encouraging you to be more decisive, to be more confident. Know what you want, and go out and get it. Women are attracted to men who are driven and ambitious.

You might see yourself in one of the four scenarios, or you might even see yourself in more than one category. One of the keys to being a successful dater is being aware of your strengths and your limitations, and work on improving your ‘inner game’.

Have fun taking stock of your dating lifestyle, and happy dating!

First appeared in New Man magazine, Malaysia.

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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“There aren’t enough confident men…”

Vishak: I am a 35-year-old expat with no boyfriend. I'm seriously considering asking my company for a transfer to another country. I love it here in Singapore but I find that there aren't enough confident men to ask out single successful women like me.

I think it’s quite interesting that you said “there aren’t enough confident men to ask out single successful women like me”. Many of my female clients are single and successful career women. And most of them are strong-willed, driven and aggressive. This is what I tell them, “Men are looking to marry women, not men!”

Unfortunately, the same skills that you have acquired and adopted to climb up the corporate ladder don’t necessarily bring you very far in the dating game. I suggest that you leave the fist-thumping back in the board room, and rediscover your feminine side. I always say to my female clients, “You do not always have to have the last say! You are on a date, not a debate!” I’m not asking you to play dumb, I’m merely asking you to revel in your femininity. Enjoy the chase. Enjoy being a woman. In fact, it’s our privilege! Change your perspective, and you will suddenly realize that there are many eligible and confident men around you after all.

First published in herworld.com

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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happilyeverafter: “Are you dating the marrying type?” (Part 3)


If you are looking for a serious relationship, there are 2 categories of men you should avoid. The time wasters and the players. In Part 1 & 2, we have talked about the time wasters. In Part 3, we are going to discuss the player.

Category 2: Players

This is the ideal type of man to date if all you want to do is have lots of dates and do lots of fun things with them.  The player is someone who has a strong need to be surrounded by beautiful women, so he will put all of his time and effort into pursuing different women who meet his high standards of beauty, intelligence, and other superficial characteristics he decides are important. 

He knows how to flatter a woman, make her feel good, and get her to swoon over him in so many different ways. He will cite 50 best love quotes of all time. Yes, the player is a charming and interesting man who understands how to treat a woman very well for the sole purpose of getting her to stay “hooked” on him and continue giving him what he wants in the relationship.  She may think he has her wants and needs at heart, but the reality is he only cares about her needs just enough so that he can get her to continue fulfilling his needs.  In other words, he doesn’t really care about her; rather, he cares about making sure she is focused on doing what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants.

A man who is a player will spend most of his time focused on trying to “conquer” a particular woman; it’s the thrill of the chase that he’s after, and only the chase holds his excitement an and interest for any length of time.  Because of his, a player is usually not interested in any kind of a commitment; in fact, he’ll actively avoid any woman who shows even the slightest sign of wanting something more than just a casual dating relationship.

A player doesn’t put a lot of thought into what the woman is experiencing, either.  For instance, he’s not interested in identifying her needs and attempting to fill them in any way; rather, he’s interested in making sure she pays attention to his needs and that she focuses on meeting them as much as possible.  In other words, it’s all about him.  Period.

Some advice on how to avoid players…

Practice enlightened equality. Do not play mind games or indulge in emotional blackmailing. And do not take his games. A strong and lasting relationship is built on mutual respect and trust, not on games.

And last but not least, appreciate and respect the characteristics of the nice guys such as sincerity, stability and loyalty. They may not be as fun, exciting, intriguing or suave. But these are the qualities that would make a relationship work in the long run.

Remember: Smart woman only date the marrying type! 🙂

***

This is the end of this 3 part series of 'Are you dating the marrying type?'

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Violet is herworld.com’s Relationship Q&A Expert!

Dearest Readers,

I am now herworld.com's Relationship Q&A Expert! 🙂 Felt very honoured when I was first approached by herworld.com to be on their panel of experts. It's definitely a wonderful opportunity to share my insights and knowledge. Am really glad that I am given another avenue to help more single and dating ladies out there!

If you have any pressing questions about love, dating and relationships, please do visit herworld.com to drop me a question. You might also find out that someone else has already asked a question similar to yours, and the question is right there! 🙂

Thank you for your support all these while, and am looking forward to writing more insightful blog posts! 🙂 Btw, if you have not registered to vote yet, please vote for me at the Singapore Blog Awards 2010 under "Most Insightful Blog" category. Thanks in advance!

Have a wonderful weekend ahead!

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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happilyeverafter: “Are you dating the marrying type?” (Part 2)

Here are two categories of confirmed bachelors that you should go out of your way to avoid.

Category 1: Time wasters

These are the men who are single, have been single for a long time, and intend to be single for a long, long time.  They are not at all focused on creating a warm relationship and taking it to a higher level of commitment; just the opposite, in fact, because time wasters love to play the game of keeping you on their hook as long as possible.  They’ll even go to great lengths to string you along as long as possible.

A man who is a time waster is usually pretty easy to spot.  Why?  He’ll be the one who is extremely self-absorbed and interested in himself; his dreams and goals are most important, bar none, and everything else is secondary to his own needs.  Another sign of a time waster is someone who is constantly pining away for another woman, typically an ex who for whatever reason is no longer with him.  Even if she treated him poorly, or in fact left him for someone else, he still views her as being the ideal woman. 

Instead of focusing on looking for another woman who has similar characteristics he becomes obsessed over her, spending all of his time reminiscing about “what used to be”.  Because this kind of man is seldom (if ever) going to become a committed, reasonable, balanced partner, staying with him is nothing more than a waste of your time.  You’d be much better off getting rid of him for good!

When Melissa first came to me, she was convinced she had been dating a terrific guy but was greatly frustrated because the relationship was not progressing the way she wanted it to progress.  In fact, she and this man had recently broken up but he was still calling her, saying he wanted to keep in touch.

“I thought he was truly The Right One,” she told me with a sad look on her face.  “He’s handsome, interesting, successful, and have a heart of gold and when we’re together we have a great time.  We went out for over three years, so there must be something “real” there, right?”

After we talked a while longer I discovered some things about the man and Melissa’s relationship with him that explained why the relationship never progressed to something serious: 

The man is a time waster.

Melissa described to me a number of things she experienced with him, including:

1.  He never felt comfortable introducing her to his parents.

2.  Whenever they would encounter relatives or friends out in public, he would suddenly stop holding hands with her.

3.  Whenever any topics related to commitment came up, he would shy away from them and quickly change the subject.

4.  After breaking up he continued to call her, as if he wanted to continue having a hold on her without the commitment of being boyfriend/girlfriend.

“Violet, I don’t know what to do!  I really thought he was The Right One, so why aren’t things working out the way I want them to?”

The answer, I told her, is simple:  The guy is nothing more than a time waster.  He wants to date and have fun, but he has absolutely no interest in a meaningful, long term relationship with her or any woman, at least for now.

The solution to this situation is also quite simple.  Melissa should cut off all communication with him, period, going “cold turkey” and getting him out of her life and her mind.  Nothing good can ever come from dating a time waster, so the best thing Melissa could do for herself, I told her, was to get rid of him, learn from her mistake, I suggested that she tried the site I used recently, assured her that this is the best Asian dating site and start putting her time and effort into meeting and dating quality men.

I understand that it is not easy. You might hold on to the beautiful memories that you have shared, or harbouring hopes that things might suddenly work out. Look at it this way, if you move on, and he comes begging for you to go back to him, then that means he truly cherish you, and he is willing to commit. You get what you want. However, if he does not, then he has truly revealed his true colours. He is not interested in a committed relationship.

You are better off not wasting your time on him!

(To be continued… To be notified of my blog updates, sign up for my FREE newsletter.)

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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happilyeverafter: “Are you dating the marrying type?” (Part 1)


happilyeverafter is the latest category of posts dedicated to all the wonderful single ladies out there! This blog post is part of a multi-part series.

***

There are two types of men out there:

1. The men who will marry

2. The confirmed bachelors

Smart women date only one type of men – the marrying type.

The Marrying Type

So what is the marrying type? This is the ideal type of man to date if your end goal is to get married, settle down, and start a family. 

Violet, so how do I identify and zoom in on the marrying type?

For some, it is easy to identify them. They always appear to be more responsible than their peers. They come across as dependable and reliable. They are filial and family oriented. They love kids.

However, sometimes it is not as easy to identify them. The marrying type is also someone who is tired of the whole singles life and is more than ready for a change.  He may feel as if he no longer has much in common with his single friends, and he’s tired of being alone all the time.

A man who is the marrying type will focus more and more on looking for real love and attraction rather than strictly on biological attraction.  What’s more, he will probably admit openly (although sometimes a bit reluctantly) that a serious relationship is desirable to him and perhaps even that he wants to get on with the experience of being a father.

The reasons for marriage change as men age. The younger men typical go for the traditional reasons – love and companionship. The men over 40, like women, have ‘biological clock’ as well. They realize that the years are passing them by, and they are not as fit as they used to be. As they still want to be young enough to play and teach their sons – play ball or ride a bicycle, they start to think about settling down.

Now that you have an idea how to identify the marrying type, I would like you to keep your eyes open for the confirmed bachelors, as these are the men that you want to avoid. However, sometimes they are well-disguised, and you may be tricked into thinking otherwise.

(To be continued… To be notified of my blog updates, sign up for my FREE newsletter.)

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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