Nicholas Tse’s Love Philosophy |谢霆锋的爱情观

A couple of weeks ago, I read that HK superstars Nicholas Tse 谢霆锋 and Cecilia Cheung 张柏芝 have just welcomed their latest addition to the family. Now they are a happy family of 4.

I must say, Nicholas Tse has definitely surprised me repeatedly.

He has totally changed my initial opinion of him. When he first came onto the entertainment scene, I dismissed him very quickly as another 'bad boy'. He exemplifies all if not most of the 'bad boy' traits. Cocky, cool, good-looking, good with women. 

And when the scandal involving his wife Cecilia Cheung broke, I thought to myself, that's it… the marriage is probably over. With all the Chinese media blowing things out of proportion, and so much scrutiny surrounding his wife, someone like him probably would throw in the towel. I know, I know… I should not have been so quick to judge. And I must say, I have been humbled.

He supported her throughout the entire incident. He shielded her through the entire saga. He did not say much, but his actions speak louder than words. At her lowest point, he was her rock and refuge.

Later, when things have blown over, Cecilia revealed in a TV interview that she was so scared when she found out about the photos leak, as she knew that her photos would eventually surface. And when she told Nicholas, he just told her, "Don't worry, I am here." And when Nicholas was later interviewed about the saga, he said, "When I married her, I already know what sort of woman she was…" I am so touched by his words and his actions because he is so absolutely sure about his own choice and his own decision. And even though the saga might have made him 'lose face' which is such a big thing with Chinese culture, he was totally unfazed by it!

He surprised me a second time with his love philosophy 爱情观. I caught one of his more recent interviews with one of the China's TV stations, and when asked about his love philosophy, he said, there are 4 stages when it comes to love.

1. Passion 激情

2. Romance 爱情

3. Family Love 亲情

4. Friendship 友情

And these are the four components of love 感情. 

I am surprised not because there is anything wrong with what he has said. What he has said is what many relationship experts have been trying to share, but I just did not expect an artist, needless to say superstar like him to think that way! We often read about break-ups and divorces in the entertainment world especially Hollywood. And the reason is simple, as many of these relationships do not go past the first stage – Passion. I always describe passion like fireworks. It's absolutely beautiful, but it's also short-lived and it will fizzle out eventually. 

I really liked what he said about the 4th stage. He said eventually, as the children grow, and you become old, it will turn into friendship. And at this point, some of the audience probably have expressions of disbelief, and the host told them to give him a chance to explain, since he is a 'person of experience'.

He said, ultimately, we are all looking for a companion.

I think many people usually miss this point. They don't understand that passion and romance do not last forever. So they choose their mate just based on the first two stages. And when they move on to the third and the fourth phase, the cracks start to show, because they are just simply not compatible. They have nothing to talk about. They actually do not even enjoy each other's company! I have heard of quite a lot of husbands or wives staying out as late as possible, or leaving the house as early as possible, as they want to spend as little time as possible with their spouse. 

It is really wonderful that Nicholas Tse is sharing his love philosophy. My hope is that more of his impressionable fans would listen to him and subscribe to his philosophy.

Maybe Nic would succeed where many relationship gurus have failed. :)

Nic shares his love philosophy: http://www.56.com/u52/v_NDIwOTEyMzM.html

Latest update 23 August 2011: Just heard the latest news. Nicholas and Cecilia have just finalized their divorce terms. At the end of the day, having a great love philosophy is not enough. Ultimately, there must be constant communication and constant compromise. Good luck to both of them, and hopefully, one day, they will find their one true love.

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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