Dating Locals vs. Dating Foreigners

Did a press conference last week to release the survey findings of the ADAMS (Association of Dating Agencies and Matchmakers Singapore). One of the interesting findings was that quite a number of locals think that by having more foreigners in Singapore actually increase their dating opportunities.

Was interviewed on Razor TV. Check out the following 2 clips… they interviewed many locals and foreigners to ask what they think… really interesting! 🙂

They’re stealing our girls! (Foreigners dating Locals Pt 1)

A different kind of SPG (Foreigners dating Locals Pt 2)

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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DAfG: Do Pick-up Lines Work?

I often get asked, “Do pick up lines work?” 

From the last I checked, no girls will appreciate you telling her that her father is a thief and stealing the stars and putting them into her eyes. Cheesy pick-up lines in general do not work.

And if your plan to charm her is to compliment her on how beautiful she is, chances are to an attractive lady who has been hit on 10 to 30 times a day… you probably would come across as tiresome, unoriginal and insincere. On the other hand, if you approach an attractive lady the same way as any other guy i.e. “Hi, I am Joe, I would like to get to know you,” you might come across as boring and predictable. Attractive women who has heard this line hundreds of time usually lose interest very quickly.

So, the crucial factor here is to attract her naturally engage her into a conversation.

Hence I would recommend conversation starters as compared to cheesy lines that sound insincere or bland “I want to get to know you” lines.  Try asking a question which engages her into a natural conversation. Be flexible to adapt that conversation starter to the situation you both are in. If you both happen to be at a seminar, you could even simply ask her how she felt the speaker was and progress from her answer.

Besides knowing how to engage her naturally in a conversation, what is even more important is how you embark on it. 

Say if a person tries to engage a lady in a conversation and he is visibly quaking and stuttering as he goes about it.  As he is conversing, he is deadly serious, unsmiling  and stiff as he tries to talk to her.

Compare that with a man who has calm and comfortable body language as he approaches the lady. He says what is needed in a casual and light tone and is not afraid of the consequences. He is smiley and playful and even crack a humorous joke in the middle of it all. 

Who is the lady more likely to give her number to?

So the key is, be comfortable be in your own skin, be confident, and do not try too hard.

Happy dating!

(Note: First appeared in New Man Malaysia July 2009 Edition)

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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“My boyfriend has a change of heart…”

Hi Violet,

I came across your blog as I am desperately looking for an answer.  So here’s my story.  My boyfriend and I met at work.  He has recently returned to Singapore while I am staying behind in Hong Kong.  We have been having a long distance relationship for the past six months.  Everything was going very well in spite of the distance.  We were very close and talk to each other often.  We have even made marriage plans for the near future. Then about a month ago, everything changed literally overnight. He refused to talk to me after a minor argument which we could easily work out as a mature couple.  He told me to give him some time which I did.  And a week ago, he decided that we are no long compatible.  Violet, this is very hard for me to believe because he had only reassured his commitment to our relationship just the night before the ‘fight’.  What do you think is going on?  I am heartbroken and devastated.  What is wrong here?  Please help!

-J

Dear J,

Thank you for your letter.

I understand that having invested so much love and time into your relationship with your boyfriend, let’s call him X, you must be really devastated and frustrated with the current situation.

Based on what you have told me, I can’t really point out what is going on because I do not know enough, and I do not know X’s version of the story.

What went wrong? The possibilities are endless. However, one thing I know for sure is… if X had a change of heart, this did not happen overnight. Like you say, you have been sustaining a long distance relationship for 6 months. Things might look well on the surface, but he might have had a tough time trying to keep the LDR going. And when you had that minor argument, however minor, for him, it is the breaking point. Or he might not see the relationship going anywhere as he’s in Singapore and you are in HK. And even though he really IS committed, he just does not see a future.

Bottom line is, there is no point for us to speculate. The best way to know what went wrong is to talk to him. See if there is anything you can both do to work things out.

If he is reluctant to talk, then just move on. There is no point trying to beg him to stay. The more you call him and SMS him, the more you will be seen as ‘lower value’ to him.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to be strong, and work on being a better and stronger person. And by then who knows? He might be the one coming back to beg for your forgiveness. And it will then be up to you whether you still want him back.

I know things are not going to be easy. In these times, support from friends would be most important. Hang out with your girlfriends, take up a new hobby, go on a trip you have always wanted to go and eventually, you will meet someone who will cherish you for who you are. Jiayou!

Take care.

Love, Violet

Readers, please do feel free to chip in to help J out, thanks!

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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