Not ‘Single, Desperate & Ugly’ at all!

Did I tell you that I have been invited to another wedding recently? Two of our clients got married.

And it was a real grand affair. It was held at one of the poshest (is there such a word?) hotel in Singapore. And we are reallly happy for them, because they are such nice people, and as time goes by, we have actually become friends. :)

What struck me as really interesting at this particular client’s wedding is this…

Usually, when I go for client’s wedding, I will always keep a low profile. I will avoid speaking to people on my table. Or even when they make small talk, I will reply very politely, and not seek to prolong the conversation. The reason is very simple. I do not want to tell people that I am a matchmaker, or I run a dating service, and risk them drawing the direct conclusion that the couple met through us. Our clients usually prefer for people not to know how they actually meet, and I respect their decision. It is not my place to ’advertise’ or ‘market’ our business. We are happy to just be there to bask in their happiness and their joy.

I always joke about it with Jamie… if people ask… I will say I am a housewife, and he will say that he is in the IT business. 

So anyway, back to this particular wedding dinner. Right at the start of the wedding dinner, the groom came over to the table and say… “I put you guys at this table because I think you guys are of the same wavelength and will be able to do some networking as well,” and I politely smiled. And he proceeded to say, “Please meet Jamie and Violet, they run a very successful dating agency, Lunch Actually!” And my smile froze, not knowing how to react. He introduced the rest, and then left to entertain his other guests. I was very worried during the entire dinner that people at my table were going to ask the question…

“So… did they meet through you guys?”

And it did not help that one of the groom’s friend on our table actually knew that the bride and groom met through us. And kept saying things like… “So Violet, I am sure you are invited to many wedding dinners?” And gave me this knowing smile. I really felt like throwing Fried Rice at him.

But you know what was the most amazing thing?

Nobody on the table even suspected. Not one.

And then I suddenly realised why.

Because the bride and the groom are so eligible. The bride is beautiful. She’s definitely someone you would classify as above average, if not gorgeous. Someone that guys would definitely look twice. And the groom is successful and talented.

And that was the reason, that it never come across anybody’s mind that they actually met through a dating service.

Because people always have the impression that people who go to dating services are ‘single, desperate and ugly!’

And this couple is definitely far from being ‘single, desperate and ugly’.

I just thought that was quite an interesting experience. And perhaps from now on, I can stop saying that I am a housewife, even though that is my secret ambition… haha! ;) 

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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4 Comments

  1. Honestly speaking, those people who go to dating agencies are NOT single, desperate or ugly, as evidenced from the kinds of people I have met. It is a good way of meeting new friends, and an interesting way to see how people behave. Even if nothing occurs and nobody kept in touch after the first meet up, it makes life all the more worth living because of the fun and adventure each new meet up opens up.

    However, those who are really single, desperate and ugly, will never, ever dream of going to dating agencies, because they will try all means and ways to get friends or others to hook them up, or source for someone online. And these people (not all, but some) are those who are rather dubious in the first place.

    In any case, you are doing a great job, and fulfilling many people’s dreams of finding the right person to settle down with. So you are really doing a great service to mankind! :-)

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  2. Wow strong words…single and desperate and also UGLY. Sounds like no way out for them. Desperation can be controlled and ugliness can be altered…..You choose your destiny…!

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  3. Monica /

    After reading your blogs and the comments that tags on with it, it has somewhat given me ‘hope’. Hope; that I could possibly be matched. Find happiness with another. Share a life. Perhaps is time I pluck up enough courage and sign up at your agency. A dating agency could be the answer for me. Pluck Pluck Pluck.

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  4. Jessica /

    I just saw a friend’s wedding pictures in the Facebook…. A wave of sadness suddenly splashed over my face…. I wonder whether I have the chance of wearing the beautiful wedding gown one day….
    The next minute, I visited your website…. staring there for so long, as if you are the Fairy-God-Mother holding a magic wand, that can make my dream come true…..
    I am 30 y.old. I have a good career, I m not ugly,I am fashionable,and I play good piano. But I do not know why it is so difficult to find a suitable man. I have not get enough courage to go for speed dating. I am afraid to let ppl know about my desperation. I hid my true feeling at work….. pretending I am happy, and not yearning to get marry….. but it is actually the other way round. I have not have enough courage to sign up your club….. but I do not know where to meet people, since there is not much opportunity at work…. I salute those people who dare to join your club…..I have visted your website over and over……. but still hiding in a corner.

    [Reply]

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