And I thought I knew what I wanted…

When meeting up with clients, one of the most common question I ask is, “What are you looking for in your ideal partner?”

Usually, the answer would include some physical attributes. Guys usually prefer to meet ladies who are slim and shorter than them. And ladies prefer to meet guys who are taller and of bigger build than them. Many ladies also like guys who are outgoing, extroverted, charismatic and humorous. And usually, both men and women would prefer partners with clear and unblemished skin.

Hubby and I had this conversation the other day.

He said, “Before I meet you, my dating criteria would be a girl who is slim and much shorter than me.”

For those of you who have never met me before… erm… I can hardly be categorised as slim. And I am actually quite tall as a girl.

He continued. “But now, I cannot imagine going out with someone who is too skinny. And your height seems just right.”

I thought it was really interesting. Because I have always wanted to date someone who is of bigger build than me. And someone who is outgoing and the life of the party. People who know my hubby would probably laugh at this point. Because hubby is so introverted that some of my friends initially wonder if we ever communicate!

And now, I cannot fathom going out with a guy who is too loud. Or too outgoing. Or someone who is too beefed up!

It’s quite funny, don’t you think?

We always think we know what we want. And what works for us. But when we meet someone whom we can connect on a higher level with… all these initial rules just do not apply anymore! And more ironically, our ‘taste’ actually changes! Because our brain now tells us that this is actually our ‘type’, and we are now conditioned to believe that this is our ‘type’.

And there I was, thinking I knew what I wanted… :)

Related Posts with ThumbnailsShare on Facebook
Be Sociable, Share!

Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

More Posts - Website

12 Comments

  1. carol /

    hi, Violet,

    How hv u been? Its been a while but I’ve always love to drop by your site n take a peep once a while *discreetly :)

    Anyway, this post drived me home n i cant help but to pen down and share some of my thoughts here.

    Honestly, it’s very true that, before we met our Mr Right, we always dream of our ideal guy/partner. How will he be like or rather, which type of guy that I’l personally go for? Normally, fate played the trick on us. We normally will end up with the guy outside of our criterias! Irony,right? But thats the fact n truth. We have always think that we know what type of guys suit us and what type of guys we will love. But..

    I, myself for instance, now that i came to think of it, all the criterias that i’ve set for myself had all went out the windows n i’m now happily attached to my BF. He’s not as slim as I wanted him to be, not as handsome as I dreamed of, not as highly proffesional as I think I’m suited to, BUT he’s eveything that I want now. He’s funny, supportive, sweet, a very kind gentleman and a great BF to have. The list goes on forever.. And I’ve nothing more to ask for.

    So, actually, its all goes down to both of the couple. How they interact, tolerate n respect each other n makes the relationship works. Once understanding and mutual feelings set in, all our pre-set criterias or “taste” will change without us realising it. The most important thing is that, you guys can click n happy together :)

    [Reply]

  2. p a t t /

    don’t you think that as you grow – your choices tend to be focused more on what you DON’T want instead of what you want?

    :)

    [Reply]

  3. Funny but this reminded me of my ex-wife. While physically she was quite close to what I have been looking for in a girl, I on the other hand, was the exact opposite of what she was looking for in a man. In fact, she would often compare me with her handsome ex-bf hehe.

    [Reply]

  4. Yea…and I thought I knew. I agree. So very much agree. But I get all I wanted. *Giggle*

    [Reply]

  5. Quote “don’t you think that as you grow older- your choices tend to be focused more on what you DON’T want instead of what you want?” Sounds like writing off the criterias..lesser conditions because of what? Or why?

    [Reply]

  6. That is what happen when you breakup, you tend to compare all the girls outside with your ex and you can’t even agree with your next one. That is the bad part.

    That is my opinion, that is y I can’t find a new one. Is it my problem or what?

    Hmm..just a comment.

    [Reply]

  7. p a t t /

    Not writing off the criterias – but more of prioritising.

    As in its more important to avoid a partner with habits you absolutely cannot stand, and appreciating all other happy habits of him/her, even if those were not in the “I Want” list at the start

    There’s so much in the world, so many different type of personalities – should be happy to experience what’s new and different. But know what you will not tolerate.

    [Reply]

  8. Male-female relationship is unpredictable, even have no logic at times

    [Reply]

  9. Jamie /

    There is so much influence both inside us (biological, lust) and out there (mass media, friends) telling us what we should want and how if we don’t have it, we wouldn’t be happy. Sad to say, many of it is misleading. They can cause us to miss opportunities to be with the right person, who could have made us happy. Even worst, they could tie us down with the wrong person who was incompatible with us and hence bring us alot of unhappiness/regret.

    When I first met my future wife-to-be, she honestly did not seem like my “type” and the initial “feelings” were not really there. It was fortunate that I did not listen to these initial “feelings”. As time passed, our feelings blossomed and I grew more and more attracted to her, especially her character.

    Today we are happily married and a beautiful son. Every day seems like a blessing. :) I thank God for the decision to simply be open minded and wise about my criteria.

    [Reply]

  10. Hi Violet

    If then, how should we find our Mr. Right? It seems that if I do not set any criteria, I have no directions to find my partner. But usually the “One” is far behind our expectations… I agree that sometimes we don’t really know what we want, then what should we do in order to find the right match?

    [Reply]

  11. Hi CMa,

    Welcome to my blog! :) I think that it is important to have some criteria… as you said, if not, you will have no directions i.e. groping in the dark… However, the important thing is not to have too many ‘must have’. Because when we do that, we might just write off some one who actually be very compatible with us. When you go on a first date… even if you do not feel instant chemistry, as long as you do not detest the person, you can always explore a second date. When you go on more dates, you will have a better idea of what you are looking for. Especially in terms of character and personality, and not just based on first impressions…

    When you give the other person a chance, you are also giving yourself a chance! :)

    Happy dating!

    Sincerely,
    Violet

    [Reply]

  12. Hi Violet. I try not to sound pessimist here but then again, maybe my life is settled for doom. I hv been in serious relationship twice and both ends up as ‘failed miserably’. I could connect to what you have said about priority changes and what you want might not be what you REALLY want and all but then again, i have completely lost hope on finding my own happiness.

    But, after reading your blog, i felt a kind of happiness that there are people out there who are very happy and have a loving family and husband / wife. =) Best wishes to you, sincerely from my heart.

    But as for myself.. Well.. My life is heading towards doom and singlehood forever. =\

    [Reply]

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>