Inter-faith relationships, do they work?

Dear Violet, I recently met this nice, wonderful girl. You could say she is perhaps the dream girl I have been waiting for all these while.But there is a catch here: she is a staunch Christian and it is important for her to find someone who shares the same beliefs and values as her. The problem is, I am not a Christian but I do not mind whatever faith the girl believes in. But the same cannot be said about her.

What should I do?

Sincerely, K

Dear K,

Thank you for your email!

This is a tricky one. There is no quick and fast solution. As a believer myself, I can understand where your girl is coming from. Especially, if she is a staunch Christian, I think it is probably very important for her to share her life with someone who is of a similar faith and has similar religion depth.

A few questions for you – are you open to finding out more about her religion? And are you open to subsequently converting to her religion when you are ready? If the answers to these questions are YES, then I think there is a higher chance that things could work out between the both of you.

However, like in any relationships, it takes two hands to clap. Is your girl willing to wait for you to find out more about her religion with the potential of accepting Christ one day? If she expects that the person whom she dates MUST be a Christian to start off with, I would say that it is difficult for you to change her mind.

There are many inter-faith relationships that have worked out. However, it is based on the common understanding that the couple accepts each other’s faith. There have also been cases where one party eventually converts to the other’s religion as well… but it must be of the person’s own free will of course!

To conclude, from my personal experience of working with clients of different belief systems… it is not easy to convince someone to date out of their religion preference, and I don’t believe we should persuade people to do so as well because religion is a very personal decision. And even if they reluctantly agree at this point, they would more often than not change their mind subsequently. 

All the best, and may things work out for you!

Sincerely, Violet

P/S: Dear readers, do you have any personal experiences or advice to share with K? Please feel free to comment! 🙂

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3 Comments

  1. christian gal /

    Dear K,
    i read your mail and i feel a sense of dejavu.
    i am a christian girl and come from a strong christian family/background.
    my previous 2 relationships were with non-christian guys – whom, needless to say, my parents disapproved.
    there is no easy way about this.
    the second guy eventually converted – but things were not meant to be.

    my advise, similar to violet – if you are open minded about seeking and eventually accepting christianity as a religion – then go for it.
    of course, the non christians among us might argue or accuse us christians of being narrow-minded or selfish.

    it is our religion and that’s the way it goes.
    it is easier to walk away now then to go deeper and hurt more.

    till now, i am still waiting for the one God is preparing for me.
    i hope you find your answer albeit a tough decision…

    =)

    [Reply]

  2. Hi Christian gal,

    Thanks for your advice for K. I hope he reads this, and feel encouraged!

    [Reply]

  3. Dear K,
    I’ve recently broken up with my boyfriend of almost 3 years due to our religious difference. Though I’m Christian, I’ve always been quite open minded about dating non Christians. I felt he was almost perfect for me but somehow the religious difference crept up. It became a destructive relationship as we had nothing common at the end. It was a very painful experience.

    The thing is, God is ingrained in all believers, which is something only believers would understand. So I hope you can know more about Christianity and be convicted on your own instead of doing it for her.

    All the best!

    [Reply]

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