Hi Violet,

My relationship ended 4 months ago and recently I decided to re-establish contact with my ex. The way the conversation went was rather one sided and after a while she got quite hostile and started to berate me for asking stupid questions and being so quiet. I tried to initiate the conversation and all I got was short one liner answers. I don’t understand why I was being treated this way when all I wanted was to just say hi. We always got along and she never gave a clear reason for the breakup. It just came out of the blue and there was no way I could salvage the relationship. Am I missing something here?

Lost

***

Dear Lost,

Thank you for your email. I totally understand how you feel and I empathise with your current situation.

First and foremost, what is your real reason for wanting to re-establishing contact? Is it to find out if there is a chance for reconciliation? Or is it to just check on how she’s doing? Either way, it is obvious that your intentions are not reciprocated.

Since she was the one who initiated the break-up, she might be feeling guilty, and she is not able deal with her guilt at the moment, hence she ended up taking it out on you.  By belittling you, she might also be justifying the reasons for breaking up with you.

I would advise you to stop contacting your ex unless she decides to contact you again. The reason is, the more you try to communicate with her, the more that she feels that your ‘value’ is not as high as hers.

Take a break! Go on a holiday. Take up a new sport or a new hobby. Meet new friends. Widen your social circle. Re-establish contact with friends whom you might have lost touch with as a result of your previous relationship.

Who knows, someday your paths will meet again, and your ex will be ready to re-establish connection.

But before that, you are better off broadening your horizons, and who knows, Ms. Right could be right under your nose.

All the best!

Sincerely, Violet