Perfect Guy? Perfect Girl?

She said, “I never really had any golden rules when it comes to my future partner. I wasn’t looking for a perfect guy.”

“My husband is not a perfect guy. Neither am I a perfect girl. But we just happened to be a perfect match for each other.”

“What I love about my husband is that… I never felt that I needed to be more than I am. I could just be myself, and not pretend to be someone I am not. When he met me, he accepted me as me.”

These are some excerpts from my dear friend Wai Kea‘s wedding speech. :)

Sometimes, I wonder… if I am doing my clients a disfavour by asking them for a list of their criteria. How old must she be? How tall must he be? Must she be of the same religion? Must he share your interests and hobbies? And as I ask more questions, I am helping them create a funnel.

Yet at the same time, I know that if they were to meet someone on their own who is not out of their age range just by 3 or 4 years, but they have ‘chemistry’, age would not even be an issue. For example, I don’t think my mum set out to find a man who is 2 years her junior. She probably was like me… looking to date someone who is of the same age or older. But she met my dad. And the rest as they say is history…

Something just tugged at my heartstring when she said… “He is not a perfect guy. But I am not a perfect girl either.” Truth is, many a times, most of us are not the most eligible person… maybe we have not been blessed by the best looks, or we really need to go to the gym to lose a few pounds. Or we really could do with a few inches in height. But, at the end of the day, to be in a blissful relationship, and to tie the knot… these things that create that initial sparks or ‘electricity’ do not really matter…

“What impressed me about her… after meeting up with her again all these years at a friend’s wedding is her thoughtfulness. I never had a girl serve me food during a dinner. It’s usually guys who do the serving,” he said. “She was surprised when I told her this later.”

Acts of specific kindness. I talked about this during my workshop. And I was happy to witness yet another episode of it in real life. By just being herself. An open book.

Some girls might wonder, “Would he think that I am desperate? Or too forward? Or weird? Or making the first move?” 

She being a direct, no-games, no-nonsense girl, she won his heart through a gesture that she probably did not even put much thought to.

Maybe sometimes, if we just continuously improve ourselves. Be comfortable in our own skin. We would eventually meet someone who truly appreciates us for who we are. Maybe he would not meet our initial criteria of Prince Charming. But face it, maybe we are not Princess Belle either.

Like what my dear friend has put it so aptly. “He is not a perfect guy. But I am not the perfect girl either. We are just a perfect match for each other.” :)

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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5 Comments

  1. True, no one is perfect. What matters is to be the most perfect to each other.

    Having said that, I have had relationships where I was for the idea that I should not look for any particular criteria, as long as we loved each other. However, through the years, I realise that just mere loving each other is not enough to sustain a relationship if both of us are so incompatible in terms of values and character. No doubt minor flaws can be overlooked (like staying in vs going out, watching movie vs playing pool), but when it comes to major decisions like ideas of family, religion, upbringing, etc, it is hard to work out if both have different ideals.

    I guess having a criteria is just a guide. But at the end of the day, what matters is finding someone one can click with, can grow together and have a future with, even if that person is off the criteria one is looking for.

    I’m just speaking from my own experience, not for all. BTW, think you linked your friend’s speech to my blog instead. :-)

    [Reply]

  2. Hi Celia,

    Thanks for alerting me about the link…! :)

    I agree with you that it is important that we look for someone with the same values and ideals. Those are difficult to compromise. :)

    Btw, I enjoy reading your blog too! :)

    Sincerely,
    Violet

    [Reply]

  3. Hiya Yan,

    Was really surprised to see excerpts of our speech in your blog! :)

    Thanks so much for being here to celebrate our special day with us! Sorry didn’t have much time to catch up with you. Hope you had a nice time catching up with everyone.

    After 2 weeks, I finally have time to sit down and read blogs! :) Keep in touch ok?

    Take care,
    Kea

    [Reply]

  4. This brings to mind how I met my spouse. He was new in town and eager and i knew that manhattanites seem never available-so busy making a buck to pay the rent……so I invited my new friend to help me prepare a meal for our meditation group. It turned out he was a very handy assistant-strong to carry grocery bags-and had worked in professional kitchens. I did not think much about it but my kindness meant the world to him….

    [Reply]

  5. Hi Kea-
    Don’t worry… am sure we will catch up again with you soon! :) See that you are having the perfect honeymoon! ;) Tell me more when we meet!

    Michelle,
    Thanks for the sharing! It is amazing isn’t it? Sometimes, we put so much thought into whether doing something might be too ‘forward’ or ‘making the first step’. Sometimes, we just really just have to be ourselves. :)

    [Reply]

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