Thursday Tips from Ms. Matchmaker: 13 things I would do if I were Single and Looking for Love

1. Search up a great image consultant. Revamp my image. Get a new haircut. Have a complete makeover. As they say, first impressions count.

2. Enroll in a personal makeup class. Learning from the magazines is going to take too long a time. Knowing the right techniques and skills can immediately make me feel more confident.

3. Set aside at least 2 going-out nights a week. Never mind I have no plans as yet. I will fill it up.

4. Read recommended dating and relationship books. Even if I just get one or two tip from each book, it’s worth it. Giordana Toccaceli also has great relationship advice.

5. Search up my old address books and start establishing contacts with long lost friends or colleagues. You never know where you will find love. Or they might know of someone who is a good match for me.

6. Take up a new hobby that I have always wanted to do. Re-discover my passion for life, as people who are passionate about life are attractive.

7. Be a happy person. Men searching for love are looking for a woman to make their life happier. Nobody wants to date a girl who is negative and complains all the time.

8. Join one or two reputable dating service. It’s all about casting your net wider. There probably are some quality men who join dating services that I would not meet on my own.

9. Make myself available. Let my friends know directly or subtly that I am up to being a fourth wheel should she go out with her boyfriend and boyfriend’s friend.

10. Go for networking events. Be friendly and approachable. Be genuinely interested in people. And follow up whether it’s a girl or a guy. You will never know who you will be introduced to by my new friends. 🙂 It’s always good to be widening my social circle.

11. Hire a dating coach. It’s better to know where I am screwing up, and what action steps I can do to drastically bring me up the learning curve.

12. Stop wasting time staying at home. Realize that I am not going to meet any single and available men by staying at home doing my laundry.

13. Stay positive. Because I know that the most important thing is to have a positive mindset. Things might not go my way in the beginning, and I might even encounter many challenges along the way. The important thing to know is that I am getting closer to my objective with each step that I take.

 

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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New Poll is up!

Hello! 🙂

Thought that I have left the last poll up for too long…! Well I did get more than 300 replies for you guys, and the verdict is… the biggest first date put off is if your date complains about everything under the sun. So, even though we can’t resist a good b***hing session once in a while, the first date is definitely not the place and time! 

As Christmas is just around the corner, thought it would be fun to have a more ‘Christmasy’ survey… go vote now!

Love, Violet

P/S I met up with the beautiful and talented VJ/model/host/actress Choy Wan today! And she’s super friendly and down-to-earth! Not a prima donna at all… As for under what circumstances I met up with her, well I can’t tell you until next Sunday… 😉 Meanwhile, stay tuned!

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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I love cab drivers! :)

Have been reading a lot about errant taxi drivers in the Singapore newspapers in the last week or so… I think there must be some pretty dodgy taxi drivers out there… especially in my home country Malaysia… but I thought with all the bad press about taxi drivers, it warrants a writeup about 2 extremely nice taxi drivers that I have met… 🙂

Taxi Uncle #1

Brought my babe to United Square for his playgroup. When we were done, it was raining, and we hailed a cab. Told uncle that I lived quite nearby actually. Uncle said, “Don’t worry, near then near lo… money also ma…” When we reached home, uncle took the effort to reverse into the shelter. “Slowly, slowly, take your time. Money is yours then yours. Don’t worry!” “Check that you have everything hor! Don’t hurry!”

In my hurry, fumbling with the umbrella etc., I forgot to check thoroughly before I left the cab… and sure enough, I realised later that I have misplaced one of babe’s shoes! And it’s not any shoe… it’s the Osh Kosh shoes that his gong-gong and po-po bought him which cost $39…! (I would have never bought him such expensive shoes…, anyway…) Made a report to Lost & Found, but did not have high hopes.

Later in the night, found out from the domestic helper that Uncle actually came back and return babe’s shoes at about 5.30pm. I figured that he was changing shifts then. And he actually bothered to come back to return a shoe… I mean… wow! I am truly grateful to the uncle!

So, babe is back to wearing his Osh Kosh shoes again… hehe! 🙂

Taxi Uncle #2

After a long weekend, I took the cab to work. Was having a chat with the uncle about his work, his family etc. Very impressive, all his kids are graduates. And he was sharing with me his work motto etc.

As we approach the destination, I realised… oops! I did not have enough cash in my wallet… spent all my cash over the weekend, and did not have an opportunity to withdraw money from the ATM.

Then I said, “Oh no uncle… I do not have enough money to pay you… I give you everything that I have ok?” Then he said, “Aiyah, it’s ok. Money is not everything. You just give me whatever you have lo.” I think I paid him almost $2 short. Considering the cab fare was $7, that’s close to 30% of the fare…

So nice of him right? Did not grumble or complain or scold me. 🙂 Lesson learnt… must check my wallet before I leave the house. 🙂

So, even though there are many errant cab drivers out there, there are many that are very nice too! 🙂

What about you? Do you have any stories of your encounters with cab drivers to share? 🙂

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Perfect Guy? Perfect Girl?

She said, “I never really had any golden rules when it comes to my future partner. I wasn’t looking for a perfect guy.”

“My husband is not a perfect guy. Neither am I a perfect girl. But we just happened to be a perfect match for each other.”

“What I love about my husband is that… I never felt that I needed to be more than I am. I could just be myself, and not pretend to be someone I am not. When he met me, he accepted me as me.”

These are some excerpts from my dear friend Wai Kea‘s wedding speech. 🙂

Sometimes, I wonder… if I am doing my clients a disfavour by asking them for a list of their criteria. How old must she be? How tall must he be? Must she be of the same religion? Must he share your interests and hobbies? And as I ask more questions, I am helping them create a funnel.

Yet at the same time, I know that if they were to meet someone on their own who is not out of their age range just by 3 or 4 years, but they have ‘chemistry’, age would not even be an issue. For example, I don’t think my mum set out to find a man who is 2 years her junior. She probably was like me… looking to date someone who is of the same age or older. But she met my dad. And the rest as they say is history…

Something just tugged at my heartstring when she said… “He is not a perfect guy. But I am not a perfect girl either.” Truth is, many a times, most of us are not the most eligible person… maybe we have not been blessed by the best looks, or we really need to go to the gym to lose a few pounds. Or we really could do with a few inches in height. But, at the end of the day, to be in a blissful relationship, and to tie the knot… these things that create that initial sparks or ‘electricity’ do not really matter…

“What impressed me about her… after meeting up with her again all these years at a friend’s wedding is her thoughtfulness. I never had a girl serve me food during a dinner. It’s usually guys who do the serving,” he said. “She was surprised when I told her this later.”

Acts of specific kindness. I talked about this during my workshop. And I was happy to witness yet another episode of it in real life. By just being herself. An open book.

Some girls might wonder, “Would he think that I am desperate? Or too forward? Or weird? Or making the first move?” 

She being a direct, no-games, no-nonsense girl, she won his heart through a gesture that she probably did not even put much thought to.

Maybe sometimes, if we just continuously improve ourselves. Be comfortable in our own skin. We would eventually meet someone who truly appreciates us for who we are. Maybe he would not meet our initial criteria of Prince Charming. But face it, maybe we are not Princess Belle either.

Like what my dear friend has put it so aptly. “He is not a perfect guy. But I am not the perfect girl either. We are just a perfect match for each other.” 🙂

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match!

It has been a very interesting 2 weeks!

Did I mention that we have recently launched a brand new portal… Eteract.com, a place for like-minded singles to meet? We are the first to bring online speed dating to Singapore and Asia. :) Anyway, that has been keeping me busy for the past couple of weeks. If you would like to chat with me, sign up now, and you probably will catch me there from 10pm at night. 😉

And last week, I was at the Partner Connection Trade Seminar organized by MCYS. It was a really insightful event! Met up with matchmakers from all around Asia… and interestingly, all of them are men! Among the speakers who attended the seminar last week were Dr. Jason Tian from Baihe (China), Mr. Ishizaka from Bridalnet (Japan) and Mr. Lee from Sunoo (Korea). These gentlemen shared with me many insights about the dating industry in their respective countries. Gave me lots of pointers on how I could do better! Learnt lots from them.

Anyway, I am embarking on an interesting project. I met an interesting and eligible guy from Eteract.com, and I have decided to take up the challenge of finding him a suitable match. He’s in his early 30s, and yes… he’s really quite eligible… 😉 He’s looking for a lady who is intelligent and he can relate to on an intellectual level. In his own words, he does not mind if she’s more intelligent than him. He enjoys the challenge! 🙂

If you are interested to find out more, drop me an email using the form below, stating your name, age, profession and a short description of yourself… and if I think you might be a good match, I will be in touch with you! 🙂

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Looking forward to hear from you soon! 🙂

Meanwhile, have a great week ahead!

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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