I love her, but does she love me?

Hi There

I found your blog on romance tracker. I wanted to ask you a question. I have a friend who I may have feelings for. I have never had feelings for someone before and it is pretty scary. Basically it makes my day to just get and email from her. What my question is, is how do I know whether she has feelings for me or not. I am an introvert so talking to her is difficult but we do have a friendship which I feel is pretty strong.

I know she is not ready for a relationship yet but I just want to know how I can see what her feelings are toward me. I am happy if it’s just friendship or if she might have feelings for me I can wait until she is ready for a relationship. I am 29 and she is about 32.

Thanks!

Anonymous

***** 

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your email! Sorry I have taken some time to get back to you, but I have been extremely busy. Hope it is not too late… 🙂

I think in any relationships, one of the most important ingredients is sincerity. Take tiny steps. If you ask her out for a date, and she does not decline you, she probably is looking to explore this relationship further. With each tiny step, you will have a better idea of her feelings for you. And as you get to know her better through each date, you will also know for yourself whether this is the right one for you.

There are many different levels of love. The type of love that we first experience is often ‘biological’. And sometimes ‘significance’ – wanting someone to be always there for us, having a companionship, or being seen as special to that someone.

However, the type of love that lasts a lifetime is a different type of love altogether. It is what I call ‘meaning’. As you have stated in your email, she might not be ready at the moment for a relationship. However, you can build ‘meaning’ with her. With both of you having a strong friendship, that is a good start. The best relationships or marriages are when the couple are best friends, and they just love to spend each and every minute with each other.

Here’s to wishing you all the best, and may you find your happiness soon! 🙂

Sincerely, Violet

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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When you are 60…

60.jpgIn the last 2 weeks, I witnessed two men celebrating their 60th birthday. Last week, I attended a friend’s 60th birthday celebration party. And yesterday, I celebrated my dearest daddy’s 60th birthday.

My friend’s celebration was a fairly big-scale and public one, held at a 5-star hotel, with 440 invited guests. It was a grand celebration, and the guests, including myself, really enjoyed the skit put up by his children and extended family.

My dad’s celebration was a low-key and private one. Hubby and I treated my parents, my in-laws, my grandma-in-law and our darling son to a restaurant for buffet where we stuffed ourselves silly. And later, we had a cake-cutting ceremony at home with 6 candles on my daddy’s birthday cake.

60th birthday. 2 very different birthday celebrations. 1 thing that I observed is how contented these 2 men are.

As young adults… We work so hard to climb the corporate ladder. We party so hard because we do not want to miss out. We travel so much as we want to see the world.

Yet, when we are 60… what would means the most to us? It seems to me when these 2 men reach the age of 60, their family means the most to them. They both are happily married. Both have children, and grandchildren. Throughout the night, they are happily cuddling their grandson in their arms.

Even at my friend’s grand celebration, though he is an accomplished businessman, nothing much was mentioned about his career and his business achievements. The focus was on his family, and on honouring his father. He launched the education fund that he and his sibilings set up in his father’s name.

That set me thinking. How would I want my life to be when I am 60?

When I am 60, when I look back, what would make me feel most proud of?

Would I want to have an accomplished career? Or do I want to be an adoring grandmother? Or if I work hard on my time management, I can have both? 😉

What about you? Who would you want to be, when you are 60?

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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