QQ,QA #8: About Trust

“How can you trust someone completely again when you have been hurt before?”

First and foremost, HAPPY NEW YEAR! To my dear readers, may the year of 2007 bring you great joy and happiness, and most importantly love! 🙂

I am taking so long to finish the series of QQ,QA! *sheepish smile*And actually, I have skipped QQ,QA #7 as I do not have any inspiration to write on that topic yet. Will get back to it once I have thought of something to write on the topic.

heartbroken.jpgI had 2 previous relationships prior to meeting J. When those 2 relationships came to an end, I was so hurt, that I thought that I will never love nor trust again. Especially after the first relationship where my ex cheated on me.

It is difficult no doubt. I think I became quite a paranoid person after that. I always wondered if my boyfriend is cheating on me. And it also affected my initial relationship with J. Even though he did nothing for me to doubt him, it was just so difficult to trust another man. A tiny voice at the back of my mind keeps saying, “Why do you think he would be any different?” Some of the things that I did, or said then… now I think back, I can’t believe that that was actually me!

I think it helped that J was so patient with me. And over the years, I have learnt to trust again.

Last week, I met a lady who is in her late 40s. Her story is a sad one, though not an uncommon one.

She and her fiance dated for about 8 years, and they have plans to get married. Actually, it was more than a plan, they have in fact put down a deposit for the wedding dinner. Soon after, her fiance was posted to China for an a job assignment. She would have gone with him, but unfortunately, she has just signed a contract for a job locally. And… I guess, you can figure out the rest of the story.

Yes, he met someone in China, someone younger.

He came back to break up with her. Well, I guess you can say that at least he had the decency to do that.

And, what can she do? What is there left to be said?

She trusted him.

In fact, she’s so sure that the history that they have built up over the past 8 years would withstand the lures and temptations that he would face in a foreign land.

She told me that she’s completely shattered. She took a long time to pick up the pieces, and move on.

And, despite being hurt so deeply.

She’s ready to love again.

Hence, to answer the question… “How can you trust someone completely again after you have been hurt before?”

Well, as they say… time will heal all wounds. Sometimes it takes weeks, sometimes it takes months, and sometimes it takes years. But somehow, when you meet the right person, he or she will make you learn to trust again. And sometimes, it is just all about attitude, like the strong lady that I met last week. Despite being hurt so deeply, she has decided to take an enormous leap of faith, to love again.

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4 Comments

  1. carol /

    Hi, Violet.. Well, being hurt and love always goes together. When you love someone whole heartedly, you risk being hurt. With love, you must have trust as its essential for the relationship to grow and mature.

    Yes, once bitten twice shy. But somehow, trust can be build again through time if your other half is patient enough and shows that he cares and worthy of your trust.

    If we cant be able to trust after what has happened in the past, thats not his fault, he, being the one that’s not trusted by his other half does hurt alot as well. In the end, its hurt the relationship in the long run.

    so, although its hard, but try to trust again as time and the right person that comes along really will heal the wound 🙂

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  2. The problem is, we only get to hear stories of people who were planning to get married, but the guy/gal dump the partner for another person.

    Did anyone heard of the story of a couple who got married?

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  3. Hi Carol,
    Well said! I totally agree with you… if we cannot learn to trust, it is our current partner who suffers, and it is not his/her fault that we feel the way we do. So, we must learn to trust again. 🙂

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  4. DK,
    It’s true, we usually hear about the ‘negative’ story? What about the positive stories?

    I am sure there are plenty of those, but like what they say, when something good happens, people only tell like 3 friends. But when something bad happens, they will tell like 9 friends… Oh well…

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