Poll Results: Most Important Quality in a Partner

In the last poll that I put up where 100 readers took part in, the results are as followed:

8% Attractive Looks

20% Good Character

31% Common Beliefs, Interests, Life Goals

8% Charismatic & Confident

14% Stable Career / Self-Motivated

19% Trustworthy (this answer was added by a reader)

From the results of the poll, it is evident that most of my readers when searching for a mate, they place more importance in the ‘inside’ than the ‘outside’ i.e. good character and trustworthiness rank higher than attractive looks.

And high on the list is of course sharing the similar beliefs, goals and interests. This is actually SO important, because only by having common beliefs, values, goals and even interests, you can grow as a couple. This will also be illustrated in my next instalment of ‘My Best Match’.

Stay tuned! 🙂

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Blog Plug: *Our Love will Never Die*

Came across this blog… and thought that it is so sweet that I have to highlight to you, my dear readers. 🙂

The graphic is so beautiful, so is the layout. And the song – Valentine, is one of my favourite love songs. The blog is kept by a couple. So, you have entries from Ah Boy, as well as Ah Ger.

What are you waiting for? Go check it out now! 🙂

*****

Have an interesting blog that you would like to tell my readers about? Drop me an email at violet@violetlim.com

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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QQ,QA #7: About Being Hurt

“How can you love like you’ve never been hurt before if the pain of losing someone you love is unbearable?”

dance.jpgWhen I read the above question, it reminds me of the following verse. It is from this particular story, and it is also one of my girlfriend’s life motto…

“Work like you don’t need money,

Love like you’ve never been hurt,

And dance like no one’s watching.”

I remember some well meaning elders told me, “Find a husband who will love you more than you love him. Do not give everything, so you will never get hurt.”

When I am in a relationship, I believe in giving my all. I know, might not be the smartest thing to do sometimes. Especially after I come of a relationship that does not work out, I wonder if I can truly love again. But somehow, as time goes by, and when I meet the right guy, I will give it my best shot.

Because I believe in this. Be it in relationship, work, or life in general. If you give it your everything, and if it does not work out, you know you have tried your best. But it you know deep down you have held back, you will always look back and regret not ‘trying a bit harder’. And then, there will be that BIG ‘what if’.

Life is too short to have to live with ‘what ifs’.

Yes, losing someone is difficult. Losing someone is sometimes so unbearable that you do not want to live anymore.

But if we do not give it our best shot, we might never find love again.

*** This is the final installment of Quick Questions, Quick Answers (QQ,QA). Thank you to all for your support and comments. 🙂 As per my first post on QQ,QA, the person who post most comments will be given a special prize. I believe the winner is Carol. 🙂 Carol, please email me your address at violet@violetlim.com and I will mail you your prize.

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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QQ,QA #8: About Trust

“How can you trust someone completely again when you have been hurt before?”

First and foremost, HAPPY NEW YEAR! To my dear readers, may the year of 2007 bring you great joy and happiness, and most importantly love! 🙂

I am taking so long to finish the series of QQ,QA! *sheepish smile*And actually, I have skipped QQ,QA #7 as I do not have any inspiration to write on that topic yet. Will get back to it once I have thought of something to write on the topic.

heartbroken.jpgI had 2 previous relationships prior to meeting J. When those 2 relationships came to an end, I was so hurt, that I thought that I will never love nor trust again. Especially after the first relationship where my ex cheated on me.

It is difficult no doubt. I think I became quite a paranoid person after that. I always wondered if my boyfriend is cheating on me. And it also affected my initial relationship with J. Even though he did nothing for me to doubt him, it was just so difficult to trust another man. A tiny voice at the back of my mind keeps saying, “Why do you think he would be any different?” Some of the things that I did, or said then… now I think back, I can’t believe that that was actually me!

I think it helped that J was so patient with me. And over the years, I have learnt to trust again.

Last week, I met a lady who is in her late 40s. Her story is a sad one, though not an uncommon one.

She and her fiance dated for about 8 years, and they have plans to get married. Actually, it was more than a plan, they have in fact put down a deposit for the wedding dinner. Soon after, her fiance was posted to China for an a job assignment. She would have gone with him, but unfortunately, she has just signed a contract for a job locally. And… I guess, you can figure out the rest of the story.

Yes, he met someone in China, someone younger.

He came back to break up with her. Well, I guess you can say that at least he had the decency to do that.

And, what can she do? What is there left to be said?

She trusted him.

In fact, she’s so sure that the history that they have built up over the past 8 years would withstand the lures and temptations that he would face in a foreign land.

She told me that she’s completely shattered. She took a long time to pick up the pieces, and move on.

And, despite being hurt so deeply.

She’s ready to love again.

Hence, to answer the question… “How can you trust someone completely again after you have been hurt before?”

Well, as they say… time will heal all wounds. Sometimes it takes weeks, sometimes it takes months, and sometimes it takes years. But somehow, when you meet the right person, he or she will make you learn to trust again. And sometimes, it is just all about attitude, like the strong lady that I met last week. Despite being hurt so deeply, she has decided to take an enormous leap of faith, to love again.

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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