QQ,QA #6: About Kids

“Do you think it’s ok to have children without getting married? (Assuming that the couple has been together for a long time and are in a monogamous relationship)”

pix_wedding.jpgThink this is a very relevant topic to tackle at this point for me. After being a first-time mum and experiencing the joy of seeing your own little miracle, I really believe that everybody should experience the miracle of having children, if you are able to.

However, should people have kids without getting married? That’s a totally different issue.

My first question would be, “If you have been in a relationship for a long time, and you are in a monogamous relationship, why do you NOT want to get married?”

I have met friends who are strong advocates of living together, and not get married. They say that, “Marriage is just a piece of paper; we do not need a piece of paper to show our commitment or prove our love.”

Ok, I am fine with that.

But if it is just a piece of paper, why not just get it?

It does not make a difference to you anyway right? But it would make a great difference to your kids when asked, “Why is your surname not your dad’s, but your mum’s?” I am not sure whether the rule still applies, but from what I last know, if you are not married, the kid takes on the mum’s surname.

People who are adamant of not getting married even though they are in a long-term monogamous relationship are usually ‘mismatchers’ or ‘rebels’. They thrive on being different. I believe all of us want to be individuals, we want to be different. However, the registration of a marriage is part of the legal framework of the civilized world to ensure that things run smoothly e.g. traffic lights, courts of justice etc.

Well, I am definitely not one to enforce my opinion on others. And I do not believe that my opinion is always right. I believe that everybody is entitled to their views and opinions. And I often am wrong.

But to answer the question, personally, I would not have kids if I am not legally married. :)

What about you? Would you have kids without getting married? What do you think?

Related Posts with ThumbnailsShare on Facebook
Be Sociable, Share!

Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

More Posts - Website

8 Comments

  1. Well, I have come across some tru life stories in this matter. I agree with violet, if it does not matter to you what is the big deal!
    The has been a stigma attached with the concept of marriage.

    Commitment = Marriage.

    Then I guess, they are scared of the simple piece of paper….

    [Reply]

  2. Hi Thana,
    Welcome to my blog! :) Thanks for your comment! But I guess with everything in life, different strokes for different folks. :)

    [Reply]

  3. Yeah, everyone have their own set of principles in life.. What matter most is you, yourself.. the life that you want to lead.. Frankly, for me, it is better to have kids after marriage ^-^

    [Reply]

  4. Well, I am an old fashioned kind of guy so yeah, I would prefer to have kids after the I do’s rather than have one out of wedlock. :-)

    [Reply]

  5. Hi Carol,
    Good to see you here again! :) Thanks for sharing! :)

    Rudy,
    Haha! It’s funny that I did not address the whole issue of having kids out of wedlock in the entire entry! Thanks for bringing it up! :)

    [Reply]

  6. What’s in a surname?

    My personal experience is, I have a kid AFTER I was legally married. The kid’s father abandoned us. Now, I have changed the child’s surname to follow mine for convenience.

    So does “A NAME” really matter? I’d say Absolutely Not!

    [Reply]

  7. I wouldn’t want a child before marriage. Think of the child, they need a proper family.
    I don’t want them to feel bad towards the society as a fatherless child. This psychology trauma will etched in their memory and haunt them forever.

    Good article anyway.

    [Reply]

  8. Hi Cherie,
    Thanks for dropping by, and sharing with us your views and experiences. You have definitely given us a different perspective to the matter.

    Hi Fredo,
    Welcome to my blog! Thanks for your contribution and kind compliments! :)

    [Reply]

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>