QQ,QA #6: About Kids

“Do you think it’s ok to have children without getting married? (Assuming that the couple has been together for a long time and are in a monogamous relationship)”

pix_wedding.jpgThink this is a very relevant topic to tackle at this point for me. After being a first-time mum and experiencing the joy of seeing your own little miracle, I really believe that everybody should experience the miracle of having children, if you are able to.

However, should people have kids without getting married? That’s a totally different issue.

My first question would be, “If you have been in a relationship for a long time, and you are in a monogamous relationship, why do you NOT want to get married?”

I have met friends who are strong advocates of living together, and not get married. They say that, “Marriage is just a piece of paper; we do not need a piece of paper to show our commitment or prove our love.”

Ok, I am fine with that.

But if it is just a piece of paper, why not just get it?

It does not make a difference to you anyway right? But it would make a great difference to your kids when asked, “Why is your surname not your dad’s, but your mum’s?” I am not sure whether the rule still applies, but from what I last know, if you are not married, the kid takes on the mum’s surname.

People who are adamant of not getting married even though they are in a long-term monogamous relationship are usually ‘mismatchers’ or ‘rebels’. They thrive on being different. I believe all of us want to be individuals, we want to be different. However, the registration of a marriage is part of the legal framework of the civilized world to ensure that things run smoothly e.g. traffic lights, courts of justice etc.

Well, I am definitely not one to enforce my opinion on others. And I do not believe that my opinion is always right. I believe that everybody is entitled to their views and opinions. And I often am wrong.

But to answer the question, personally, I would not have kids if I am not legally married. 🙂

What about you? Would you have kids without getting married? What do you think?

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Hmm… is this FINALLY it?

You might not hear from me for a while, as I think I am going into labour. 🙂

Wish me luck!

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Made in Heaven: Jeremy & Akiko

I have wanted to kick off this ‘Made in Heaven’ series for a long time, but I just never got round to it.

So here we go… in this series, I will feature couples that I know, blissfully happy couples whom I think are ‘Made in Heaven’.

If you too would like to be featured here, drop me a line! 🙂

jeremy_aki11.JPGIntroducing… Jeremy & Akiko!

Violet: How did both of you meet?

J & A: We lived in the same dorm back in university (Illinois State University), Akiko on the 2nd floor and me on the 10th, both non smoking floors.  All the smokers in the dorm will go to this smoking area at the front of the building to smoke, and there’s where we met each other… smoking. We would call each other up saying “let’s smoke!” and go dating at the smoking area :p 

Ironically, both of us have now quit smoking 🙂

Violet: What was your first impression of each other?

A: Kawaii omocha mitai (roughly translated to: looks like a cute toy)

J: Another typical Japanese girl, look at that fancy shoes, and that LV wallet…

Violet: What is the one thing that you love most about him/her?

A: The qualities of a gentleman, kind and generous. You don’t get these quality in Japanese men. (Violet: Oops, I hope no Japanese men are reading this… hehe!) 

J: Akiko gives me plenty of respect, and trust. She puts herself in my hands and let me take care of her. Oh-yea, and her cooking. (Violet: See, so it’s true! The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach! Hehe!)

Violet: I believe you spent some time apart from each other during your relationship… how did you survive that long distance relationship?

A: Always keeping my mind set on our next meeting, planning what we’re going to do, or where we’re going to eat when we see each other, that’s actually fun.

J: Phone calls, emails, and lotsa flying to see each other. The bills were crazy though. I saw other girls as well, but Akiko was always on my mind so i guess that’s fate 🙂 (Naughty Jeremy! Violet hits Jeremy on the head with a baseball bat!)

Violet: Jeremy, have you ever imagined marrying a Japanese? And Akiko, have you ever imagined marrying a Malaysian?

A: Never~! But I once played this fortune telling game (back in high school) that said I’ll be married to a far away country. The coincidence is scary.

J: Ummm… probably not a Japanese.  Instead, i once had this thought of marrying a blond, haha~!

Violet: Did you find it difficult adjusting to each other’s customs and cultures?

A: YES~!  Erm… it’s not as clean as Japan and people are sometimes quite rude… (Jeremy, see how much Akiko sacrificed to be with you!!!)

J: No. I love Japanese cultures to bits. Japanese preserve their culture and traditional very well. When you go to any one of their festivals, you’ll feel like your back in ancient Japan with everyone wearing the traditional clothing.

jeremy_aki21.JPGViolet: What is your advice to couples out there who are going through a cross-culture relationship?

A: Wah… difficult question. Take it easy. But make sure you really love the person before moving to their country.

J: Never get into one, it’s expensive~! Hahaha!!! (Jeremy falls on the floor after Violet gives him a karate chop and flying kick!)

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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