“I am dating a married man!”

Violet, 
   

I known M from the net since September last year and we become closed as brother and sister. But the feelings grow more deeper. I fall for him and he told me the same thing that he love me too since day 1. The relationship goes on and we become more close and intimate. We never met and just contacting each other tru the phone and online. We even exchange pictures and gifts. But the problem is he is a married man. Married for 12 years and without kids. At the beginning of our “bro & sis” thing… he told me all his problem – family problem, his relationship with wife, financial problem and many more. I started to feel pity and that makes me care and love him more.

Lastly we declared as lovers after 4 months knowing tru the net. He told me that he wants to marry me when he settled down his divorce case with his wife. He claimed that he’s not happy with his wife and his wife doesnt respect him as a husband. He told me these before we reveal our feelings to each other.  

Violet, Im not sure whether im taking the right decision. Please help me. Do i have to continue our relationship or to i need to step out and leave? I never told this to anyone…and i cant bear any longer for not sharing with someone and i thought that you’re the right person to seek for advices.

Thanking you in advanced violet…and God bless.

S

Dear S,

Thank you for your email!

I am sure you are feeling very lost and confused at the moment. You are wondering what is the right thing to do. Your head tells you one thing, but your heart tells you the other. There are many women who have been in your situation, and most often than not, it does not end up well. Of course, there will be cases where the man actually divorce his wife, and then live happily ever after with his true love. But those cases are rare.

There are several questions you have to ask yourself:
(1) Is this truly love, or is your maternal instinct taking over? Are you feeling sorry for him, and you want to look after him?
(2) If this man is as good as he sounds, would he be cheating on his wife? If he can cheat on the woman whom he is married to for 12 years, what makes you think he is not seeing another woman apart from you?
(3) Have you met him face-to-face? From your email, I am not sure whether you have actually met up with him. Sometimes people are not who they seem, they might portray themselves differently online and offline. There are many ‘cheats’ and ‘conmen’ out there, and the easiest way to prey on unsuspecting ladies is through online. So please be careful. If you are meeting him, make sure you meet at a public place, or bring a friend with you.
(4) Do you know him enough to trust him? Have you met his friends or colleagues? What you know about him now is what “his side” of the story. How do you know if he is telling the truth?

S, there are plenty of fishes out there. Do not tie youself down to someone who has strings attached. If he truly loves you, then he would divorce his wife first, then start a relationship with you. Why would a man put the woman he loves at the side line?

Meanwhile, occupy yourself with new hobbies and activities. Widen your social circle. Go out with your friends. And who knows, you might meet the right one along the way.

Take care! And do email me again if you have any problems. All the best!

Love, Violet

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11 Comments

  1. Falling head over heels for someone over the net in a span of four months without even meeting the guy in person IS asking for trouble… really.

    Hope she realizes that.

    Have a great weekend Violet.

    [Reply]

  2. i hope S will make the wiser decision!!
    i been encountered a painful experienced in life where i think i make a wrong decision.
    even u knew a man in real life dont ever trust 100%, i knew him as a fren thru net, he fancy me. We fall in love after a few meeting, things doesnt turn out well. Firstly i pitied his stories, secondly i’m soft hearted. End up truth always is cruel, i found he’s big liar with those of white lies, betrayer…with me at the same time with another 2 gals. lots of unfaithful fact..such a painfulness in life path, thanks god tat i pulled out fast in short period. Don’t let a bastard ruin ur life just like tat if he’s worthless. Don’t simply let him mess up with ur life. one day god will serve him right!
    If a man can treats another woman he loved before like tat way, believe tat he can does same thing to u as well.
    Look at the bright side, he make u grow stronger. there’s lot of fishes in ocean..
    dun sacrifice a forest bcoz of an old tree yeah..
    look up…look up to ur faith in life! good luck!

    [Reply]

  3. S, you need to get out of the house more often.

    [Reply]

  4. Hi Rudy, Jo & Liew,

    Thank you for your comments. S is actually a reader of my blog. Am sure she appreciates your input and advice. 🙂

    Sincerely,
    Violet

    [Reply]

  5. iblogme /

    Hi Violet, that is good advice dispensed. Sometimes, the heart leads the head. In this case, I am glad S took the step to contact you.

    [Reply]

  6. Fall in love to a married man is always end up with tragedy but not all will have same sad ending.

    The keyword here is handling well and make sure the guy is sincere. Don’t get pregnant before he has get everything done.

    I came across one case lately, a girl fall in love to a married guy (she doesn’t even know he is married – The guy lie her). They have been going out steadily until the girl get pregnant and she told the the guy. Suddenly the world have 180 degree change. The guy stop meeting her, answering her call and even ask the girl to go for abortion. But because she found out pregnancy quite late (according to her about 5 months now), so, she cant take out the baby, and she doesn’t want to.

    She dares not to tell her parents even her friends. Career and relationship is in a mess now. Pity her la…

    Hope she will aware of this.

    [Reply]

  7. Hi iblogme-
    Good to see you commenting again! 🙂 Thanks for your kind words. I am glad that S contacted me too… let’s hope that she will be able to successfully overcome this challenge.

    Hi Steven-
    Welcome to my blog, and thanks for your comments. Thanks for sharing your story! I am sure S will appreciate your sharing too. 🙂

    [Reply]

  8. s.maui /

    I think you should not step forward into this relationship, as I think he’s a married man and yet betrayed his wife and have relationship with you, so this might mean that he can also do the same thing to you when you and him have a problem after married. Second, you should not step forward into this relationship, because you know he is married, althought child, but yet, you’re breaking their relationship.

    I’m a child of someone who betray my family and mother, I know how much it hurt to my family, and yet til now I hate him soo much, which i dont which to see him for the rest of my life.

    [Reply]

  9. Hi S.Maui-

    Thank you for your feedback and comments. Truly appreciate it as I am sure it was a truly painful experience for you. I have alerted S to check out your reply, so that it can help her make a better decision.

    Have a great day ahead!

    Sincerely,
    Violet

    [Reply]

  10. I just wanted to let you know that your online dating and singles topic blog has a ton of cool information. Keep up the good work.

    [Reply]

  11. Bababoom /

    There is a different ball game now. How about dating married woman? Has anyone an experience in this?

    [Reply]

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