How to Motivate your Employees

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Thought this was quite funny! Got this from one of those forwarded emails… about how employers from China “motivate” their employees. 🙂

For the benefit of those of you who do not read Chinese, what it means is:

“If you do not work hard on your job today; You will work hard to find a job tomorrow!”

 

Will be travelling for a week. Hence, you probably will not be hearing from me, unless I manage to get Internet access. 🙂

Meanwhile, have a delightful week ahead!

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Romance is Dead?

The result of a recent poll in UK showed that 80% (of the 8500 people) agreeing to the statement – romance is dead. Capital 95.8, a local Singaporean radio station did a similar poll, and 85% of the 100 people polled agreed.

They interviewed me to ask me what I think.

I think… it really depends on how we define romance. Hollywood has dramatized romance. Romance is commercialized. Romance is connected with flowers, fine dining and jewellery. Romance is about sweeping a girl off her feet. Romance is about holidaying in the Caribbean.

So, does this mean if you are cash-tight or pressed for time, then romance is virtually impossible?

Well, to me, true romance is about growing old with my other half. It’s about holding hands even when our hands are old and wrinkly. It’s about walking home and sharing an ice cream cone on a hot, humid day. It’s about sitting at the neighbourhood park, looking at our grandchildren playing in the sunset.

I don’t need the $150/each bouquet. I would rather have that loving peck on the forehead in public when he thinks nobody is looking. I don’t need that 2 carats diamond ring. I would rather have those ‘jack in the box’ games that he plays, popping out from a place I least expect it, tickling me with laughter. And I don’t need that expensive Caribbean holiday. I would rather have his reassuring presence everyday, and when we are apart… a phone call everyday to check on me to make sure that I am ok, no matter how late at night.

Is romance truly dead?

I think… romance is an attitude; it is a state of mind.

What do YOU think? 🙂

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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What’d you like to read about?

 

Dear Readers,

Thanks for your support thus far! 🙂

See the poll on your right? To increase your reading ‘satisfaction’, help me out by voting on what you would like to read most about ok? 🙂

Thanks, and have a great week ahead!

Sincerely, Violet

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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“I am dating a married man!”

Violet, 
   

I known M from the net since September last year and we become closed as brother and sister. But the feelings grow more deeper. I fall for him and he told me the same thing that he love me too since day 1. The relationship goes on and we become more close and intimate. We never met and just contacting each other tru the phone and online. We even exchange pictures and gifts. But the problem is he is a married man. Married for 12 years and without kids. At the beginning of our “bro & sis” thing… he told me all his problem – family problem, his relationship with wife, financial problem and many more. I started to feel pity and that makes me care and love him more.

Lastly we declared as lovers after 4 months knowing tru the net. He told me that he wants to marry me when he settled down his divorce case with his wife. He claimed that he’s not happy with his wife and his wife doesnt respect him as a husband. He told me these before we reveal our feelings to each other.  

Violet, Im not sure whether im taking the right decision. Please help me. Do i have to continue our relationship or to i need to step out and leave? I never told this to anyone…and i cant bear any longer for not sharing with someone and i thought that you’re the right person to seek for advices.

Thanking you in advanced violet…and God bless.

S

Dear S,

Thank you for your email!

I am sure you are feeling very lost and confused at the moment. You are wondering what is the right thing to do. Your head tells you one thing, but your heart tells you the other. There are many women who have been in your situation, and most often than not, it does not end up well. Of course, there will be cases where the man actually divorce his wife, and then live happily ever after with his true love. But those cases are rare.

There are several questions you have to ask yourself:
(1) Is this truly love, or is your maternal instinct taking over? Are you feeling sorry for him, and you want to look after him?
(2) If this man is as good as he sounds, would he be cheating on his wife? If he can cheat on the woman whom he is married to for 12 years, what makes you think he is not seeing another woman apart from you?
(3) Have you met him face-to-face? From your email, I am not sure whether you have actually met up with him. Sometimes people are not who they seem, they might portray themselves differently online and offline. There are many ‘cheats’ and ‘conmen’ out there, and the easiest way to prey on unsuspecting ladies is through online. So please be careful. If you are meeting him, make sure you meet at a public place, or bring a friend with you.
(4) Do you know him enough to trust him? Have you met his friends or colleagues? What you know about him now is what “his side” of the story. How do you know if he is telling the truth?

S, there are plenty of fishes out there. Do not tie youself down to someone who has strings attached. If he truly loves you, then he would divorce his wife first, then start a relationship with you. Why would a man put the woman he loves at the side line?

Meanwhile, occupy yourself with new hobbies and activities. Widen your social circle. Go out with your friends. And who knows, you might meet the right one along the way.

Take care! And do email me again if you have any problems. All the best!

Love, Violet

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Problems? Challenges? Opportunities?

 

Was stuck in the infamous KL traffic jam yesterday.

Was feeling quite angry with myself, as the reason I was stuck in the jam was because I took a wrong turning. Pretty scary how a 1-sec decision would eventually take up 20-min of your life.

So, I was sitting in the car contemplating the current situation.

“So many problems,” I grunted.

“What was the word you used?” Jamie teased. We always try to advocate positive thinking.

“Ok, fine fine. Not problems. Challenges,” I replied.

“That’s much better.”

“Actually, why not call them opportunities?” I quipped.

“That’s taking it a bit too far,” he laughed.

But isn’t it amazing?

One scenario, so many ways of looking at it. Many a times, the greatest inventions or ideas were born because someone was in a bad situation, and by thinking of how to get out of it, they found a great opportunity! 🙂

I swerved my car into another lane.

“See? That was actually an opportunity for me. I could either seize the opportunity to move to a faster moving lane, or stay on in the slower moving lane and complain!”

And he laughed. 🙂

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Taking Responsibility vs. Allocating Blame

One of our dating consultants came to me looking slightly flustered.

I asked her, “What’s wrong?”

Apparently one lady member insisted that her last date should not be counted as a date. The reason being… the guy whom she went out with claimed that the reason he joined Lunch Actually is purely to widen his social circle and not to settle down. And this is in conflict with her reason, as she wants to be in a relationship to settle down in the near future.

Note: We are not a marriage aid bureau. Hence, members join us for various reasons – (1) to be in a relationship to settle down, (2) to widen their social circle, (3) a little bit of both. To be fair to our members, we will not match (1) with (2) as they have differing expectations, unless of course it is a truly wonderful match, and it’s worth taking the risk.

So anyway, to be fair to this lady member, I checked for the guy’s objective. And his objective is actually (1). Which means, he shares the same objective as her.

What does that mean?

Well, there are a few conclusions we can probably draw. (1) He was not honest when telling us about his objectives. (2) He was just making conversation. (3) He was not romantically interested in her, and did not want to lead her on, hence putting her down gently.

Since none of his previous dates have complaint during the feedback that he was not sincere in his objectives. Hence, we can probably strike out (1).

This puts us in a very difficult situation. Should we tell her that maybe he was doing a (3)? How would she react to it?

Isn’t it interesting that we almost NEVER take responsibility for our own actions / behaviours if there’s someone we can conveniently allocate the blame to?

“Well, since the date was arranged my by dating agency… it is their fault that they did not pre-screen the date properly.”

Couldn’t it be…

“Why did he say that? Is that a hint that he is probably not interested in me? Let’s see how I can increase my appeal or improve my attractiveness quotient.”

It is so easy to blame. But when we blame, we are actually taking on a burden. We are not freeing ourselves. Because when we blame, we render ourselves helpless. We are saying that there’s nothing we can do to change the situation.

And the truth is, by taking responsibility, no matter how big or small it is, we are empowering ourselves. We are saying, “Hey! I can actually make changes!” And by doing that, we are letting go of a heavy burden.

Sounds so simple, doesn’t it? But of course, it’s easier said than done.

However, as they say, it’s all a matter of perspectives. To everything that happens, there is more than one way to look at it. And there is more than one way to approach the situation.

Back to the story of the lady member… you know what is the most ironic thing? The guy actually had a great time at the date. He actually gave the match a pretty high rating. Hence, maybe… he said what he said because of (2)… he was just making conversation.

And maybe, just maybe… the lady just read too much into it.

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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News Alert!

 

Guess what? The first Lunch Actually baby! 🙂

Lunch Actually’s first couple to get engaged (they ARE married now, but though the first to announce their engagement, they are not the first couple to get hitched as another couple beat them to it) is expecting their first baby… and she’s due anytime! Wow!!!

So happy for them! Amazing isn’t it? The 2nd Generation! 🙂

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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