Come What May

You might be wondering… “Violet, am I supposed to expect an entry once a week from now on?” 🙂 Well, I am trying my best to update as often as possible. But I think the problem is… I do not want to blog for the sake of blogging, and I don’t get inspired as often as I would like to be, especially since I feel so tired and lethargic nowadays.

Anyway, I really should be in bed right now. But after tossing and turning for a bit, I decided to get out of bed and write this entry. My dearest husband is sleeping like a log. 🙂

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Lately, I have been wondering if I am truly adding value to the lives of the people that I serve.

You might think, why this sudden thought? It is strange, isn’t it? Here I am asking my members what they are looking for in their potential partners. And by asking them that, I am expecting them to truly know what they are looking for. And what if, the truth is… they really do not know. And maybe for the sake of not looking ‘indecisive’, they scribble in something on the forms and I start my search based on their ‘made-up’ criteria.

The question that I have been wondering is this… what if they do not even know themselves well enough? If they do not even know themselves, how are they supposed to know the type of person whom they are looking for. For example,  what if by stating that they are not willing to date non-degree holders, or someone who’s older, they are actually ruling out the chance of meeting the love of their life.

You might then ask me… well, shouldn’t that be your job as ‘Miss Matchmaker’ to ensure that they do get matched? As I am supposed to be on the lookout for suitable matches. 🙂

Well, you are absolutely right… but what if they simply refuse to go on the date which I have thought suitable? Because their potential date just does not match 3 out of their 10 criteria.

It is quite a scary thought, isn’t it?

When I am a young girl, I had what I call the 3 golden rules. The man that I marry must be (a) taller than me; (b) smarter than me; and (c) he must love me. And of course there are some peripherals such as he must be outgoing, extroverted, the life of the party etc.

Jamie definitely surpass my 3 golden rules. 🙂 But he’s definitely not outgoing, not extroverted, and he rather be playing boardgame than be at a party. And if I have gone into the dating game being inflexible about my preferences, more likely than not, I would not have given this relationship a chance.

And the truth is, Jamie and I could not be two more different people. He loves in his own words, the “nerdy stuff”. And I have always more or less been in the “in” crowd. He loves the dark and gloomy weather of Manchester, and I rejoice at the sight of the sun! But somehow, we just complement each other so well.

Sometimes… I try so hard to tell my members to give their date a chance. To keep their options open. To simply loosen up and enjoy themselves. To not go into every date with a checklist. And to take each date as a learning and enjoyable experience. A date is not an interview. It is a chance to find out a bit more about the other person, and who knows… to even discover a little bit more about oneself.

What keeps me going now is to know that… there are people out there who are truly enjoying their dating experiences. Getting to know new friends, exploring new horizons, and keeping an open mind of what is yet to come. 🙂

What about you? What are your dating preferences? Did your mate meet your ‘checklist’ criteria? Do you think we should have fixed criteria? Or should we just go with the flow, as Forrest Gump said, ‘Life is a like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get.’ 🙂

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12 Comments

  1. Of course, to some extent, there is a certain requirement that we all want in our man. Then again, I believe we shouldn’t be too rigid with that “list”. Love and dating is a journey. You have to walk through it, not fly to the destination point. But I believe it doesn’t have a stop sign anywhere. It’s a growing experience which should last as long as you can walk the path.

    Go with the flow, find out what’s best for you.

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  2. Seems that you and your hubby have something that a lot of ‘incompatible’ people don’t have. That is, respect for each other as a person.

    It’s really hard to please people all the time doesn’t it? BTW, your line of work is similar to mine, we both deal with different types of people everyday. LOL!

    Hang in there Violet, you’re doing a helluva great thing helping people find their future partner… Cheers! 😀

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  3. I love how honest your writing is. You recognize that you have your own “checklist” of sorts and yet at the same time you have remained open enough to find a mate who adds up to more than the “requirements” in a way that is different than you. For me, the key is to remain open to receiving love and happiness. There have been times in my life when I thought all I wanted was love and happiness, but deep down I wanted to stay stuck in blame and expectation. I did the work I needed to do to process through the expectations of the “perfect” partner and now I am in a fulfilling relationship with the most amazing man. And boy are we different! On the outside, that is. He is quiet and introverted. I am not-so-quiet and extroverted. But, when you look beneath the surface we have so much in common. In fact, we are the same. We both want to feel love, be acknowledged, and make a difference. We simply go about it in drastically different ways.

    I guess what I am saying is that dating is a learning process that requires both standards and spontaneity. The quesion is: are you willing to learn about love, about people, and about yourself?

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  4. i been met up more than 100 net frenz, can’t put it as dating, i think hang out is more suitable term for that.
    i truly enjoy go out have a date with people, throught the activities like..dining experience, drinking, movies, chating..can observe others body language, studied oneself behavior too. that’s fun part to analysis oneself quietly. Dun expect always will meet up prince charming, coz ugly or good looking we can’t judge by the first impression yet. Is good to find someone has the same ground, interest to share with..some thoughts to share..or discover something new and excited one. Should treat all the dates as a surprise gift! make more friends and keep option open, we only know what we want at the end of the day, criteria may change one day base on the circumtances.
    Nothing is absolutely right or wrong..just enjoy the fun part and pick up the ‘faulty’, ensure next time dun make it happen again.

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  5. Hi Yun! 🙂
    Thanks for your comment… I love your usage of the word “journey”! That is so true! Love and dating is indeed a journey… a journey of growing, learning and self-discovery.

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  6. Rudy!
    You are my cheerleader! 🙂 Really appreciate it… It’s so nice to hear from someone whom you have never met, but have so much faith in you… Thank you so much!!! 🙂 Your comment really made my day! 🙂

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  7. Cassandra,

    Hiya! Nice of you to drop by! 🙂 I went to your website too, and you have some great stuff going over there! 🙂

    I love your last sentence – The quesion is: are you willing to learn about love, about people, and about yourself? I think sometimes people just see the dating process (especially when using a dating service) as buying a product. They do not see themselves having any part to play in it… but they always put the responsibility on all the other parties. If only they can see it as a process about learning about themselves as well. 🙂

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  8. Hi JC,
    Yup, we should keep our options open…! 🙂 And every date is a ‘surprise’! 🙂 Love your attitude! You go girl!

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  9. You’re very welcome, Violet. 🙂

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  10. irene /

    hey buddy, enjoyed this entry very much.It’s true that we often do not know what we want(incld, what to eat for dinner) and sometimes knowing only comes after we have made a decision.We have to be IN it to know. For example, i can tell my friends how crunchy and sweet the apple it , and use all my words to describe the thrill of eating that apple, but my friend will never KNOW how the apple taste like or what an apple is until he actually eat it.
    Keep going buddy ! We are walking this journey of life side by side. =) You are never alone

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  11. Personally I think you just know when you know. Listing down criteria is all good but it just does not cover everything at all. The component make-up of someone you may like is made up of many qualities / traits. How do you quantify that into a criteria list? You cannot.

    Of course the major ones can be ruled out immediately … like smoking, drinking etc. There is always a balance in life. Good goes with bad, Yin / Yang, dark / light etc. And it happens sub-consiously. So like the other comments, just go with the flow and don’t think too much. =)

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  12. Hi Loong-
    Yes, definitely you cannot quantify the qualities you are looking for in a list. 🙂 What I would suggest is that people have some basic guidelines e.g. some ‘deal-breakers’. Things that are really important to them because of their core values. And apart from that, to just go with the flow… 🙂 Because you never know until you have given it a try by getting to know the person better. 🙂

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