The many uses of scotch tape…

It’s currently 4:56am, and I am awake.

The reason? I am suffering from sore throat. Argh! I am one of those people who breathe through the mouth… so you can imagine how difficult it is to have a good night sleep when you just feel like tearing your tonsils out.

I even resorted to ‘taping’ up my mouth with scotch tape the last time I had a bad bout of sore throat. I know… desperate situation calls for desperate measures…

Anyway, I only have myself to blame for my current predicament. I know I really should not have overdone on the ‘tom yam’ soup. (For the benefit of those who have never had tom yam soup – it’s a spicy Thai soup made with prawns + other seafood and lemongrass. And yes, it’s super yummy!). But I just could not help it! I have been having this crazy craving for tom yam soup for the last 2 weeks.

Arggghhh!

Anybody know of any quick remedy to get rid of sore throat? Help!!!

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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A Reunion…

I attended my high school 10th year reunion last Saturday.

Amazing isn’t it? I do feel old now. Without thinking about it, or realizing it, I left school 10 years ago!!!

I remember watching the movie "Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion" years ago. And it was just so funny. All the effort that were put in… to exhibit that you are doing well for yourself.

Actually, I did think of losing a few ounces before the reunion, so that I would look my best. Haha! 🙂

High school years bring back lots of memories. I am one of those people who were lucky I guess. I had a great time at high school. I get along with most people, be in the ‘in’ group, or the other cliques. And even after 10 years, I still am very close to all of my girlfriends from high school.

High school was also the place where I discovered my love for community service. And it is a passion that I carried with me till now.

High school is also about… first love.

Yes, I started my first serious relationship when I was in Form 4. I was 15 then.

One of the things that I dreaded most during this reunion was meeting up with my ex. Well, I have girlfriends who are the best of friends with their ex. And some girlfriends even have ex who are now seeing their friends. They are entirely cool with it. But, for me, I have not been in contact with my ex for years. And I would not say ours was the most amicable of breakups.

So, I was thinking… what would happen when we meet at the reunion? I mean, I can’t go out of my way to avoid him, can I? The ballroom is not exactly THAT huge. And if we do cross each other’s path, it is rude to ignore him. And seriously, I am an adult now, I can deal with this in a totally civil and matured manner, right?

During the reunion, we did cross path.

And we did exchange niceties. But, honestly, it was really awkward. Well, at least for me. I introduced him to Jamie. We spoke for about 2 minutes… before I was mercifully rescued by a girlfriend, I am not sure intentionally or unintentionally, but I am thankful nevertheless. 🙂

Part of me am relieved that I have gotten this episode over and done with. Better to meet when you are well-prepared (i.e. knowing that he/she will be there) rather than being caught off-guard at places you least expect them to show up (e.g. the boardroom where you are meeting your biggest client… where he turns out to be their legal counsel).

Well, talking about ironies… during the photo montage presentation, one of the photos that flashed past was one of my ex and I, holding hands, after being elected "Best Dressed Couple" during the prom night. Haha! My classmate who did the montage obviously have a quirk sense of humor.

It was pretty embarrassing seeing that on the screen, but in all fairness, no matter how awkward it might now be… all of these past relationships made who I am today. And without these past relationships, I might not know myself, and know what I am looking for… and subsequently ending up in this amazing relationship I now have. 🙂

Well, there you go… my 10th year high school reunion…

A night of fellowship, a night of memories.

Attended a school reunion recently? Any stories to share? Or what about your experiences on how you deal with meeting up with your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend?

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Come What May

You might be wondering… “Violet, am I supposed to expect an entry once a week from now on?” 🙂 Well, I am trying my best to update as often as possible. But I think the problem is… I do not want to blog for the sake of blogging, and I don’t get inspired as often as I would like to be, especially since I feel so tired and lethargic nowadays.

Anyway, I really should be in bed right now. But after tossing and turning for a bit, I decided to get out of bed and write this entry. My dearest husband is sleeping like a log. 🙂

* * * * *

Lately, I have been wondering if I am truly adding value to the lives of the people that I serve.

You might think, why this sudden thought? It is strange, isn’t it? Here I am asking my members what they are looking for in their potential partners. And by asking them that, I am expecting them to truly know what they are looking for. And what if, the truth is… they really do not know. And maybe for the sake of not looking ‘indecisive’, they scribble in something on the forms and I start my search based on their ‘made-up’ criteria.

The question that I have been wondering is this… what if they do not even know themselves well enough? If they do not even know themselves, how are they supposed to know the type of person whom they are looking for. For example,  what if by stating that they are not willing to date non-degree holders, or someone who’s older, they are actually ruling out the chance of meeting the love of their life.

You might then ask me… well, shouldn’t that be your job as ‘Miss Matchmaker’ to ensure that they do get matched? As I am supposed to be on the lookout for suitable matches. 🙂

Well, you are absolutely right… but what if they simply refuse to go on the date which I have thought suitable? Because their potential date just does not match 3 out of their 10 criteria.

It is quite a scary thought, isn’t it?

When I am a young girl, I had what I call the 3 golden rules. The man that I marry must be (a) taller than me; (b) smarter than me; and (c) he must love me. And of course there are some peripherals such as he must be outgoing, extroverted, the life of the party etc.

Jamie definitely surpass my 3 golden rules. 🙂 But he’s definitely not outgoing, not extroverted, and he rather be playing boardgame than be at a party. And if I have gone into the dating game being inflexible about my preferences, more likely than not, I would not have given this relationship a chance.

And the truth is, Jamie and I could not be two more different people. He loves in his own words, the “nerdy stuff”. And I have always more or less been in the “in” crowd. He loves the dark and gloomy weather of Manchester, and I rejoice at the sight of the sun! But somehow, we just complement each other so well.

Sometimes… I try so hard to tell my members to give their date a chance. To keep their options open. To simply loosen up and enjoy themselves. To not go into every date with a checklist. And to take each date as a learning and enjoyable experience. A date is not an interview. It is a chance to find out a bit more about the other person, and who knows… to even discover a little bit more about oneself.

What keeps me going now is to know that… there are people out there who are truly enjoying their dating experiences. Getting to know new friends, exploring new horizons, and keeping an open mind of what is yet to come. 🙂

What about you? What are your dating preferences? Did your mate meet your ‘checklist’ criteria? Do you think we should have fixed criteria? Or should we just go with the flow, as Forrest Gump said, ‘Life is a like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get.’ 🙂

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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The Words that Bind

I know, I know… my absence is getting ‘longer’ and ‘longer’. I wonder if “absence makes the heart fonder” apply to my blog readers as well? 🙂

Well, the truth is… I am going through quite a trying period at the moment… don’t worry, it’s nothing to do with my relationship, my business nor my sanity. 🙂 I will tell you when the time is right. 🙂 Hence, that is the reason I have not been spending as much time at my PC.

Anyway, remember I promise to put up our wedding vows? Well, none of you bugged me for it, but I thought I will just post them up anyway. 🙂

* * * * *
Violet, you are my miracle

You make me smile and laugh
You inspire me to go further
You love me despite my imperfections

I am saved by you in so many ways since I gave you my hand to hold

I promise that through the seasons of our life
From the summer of our youth
Through the autumn of our middle years
Till the twilight winter of our old age
That where you go I will go, where you stay I will stay,
and that your family has become my family
I thank them for giving me the gift of you

You are
My Best Friend
My True Love
My Life’s Champion

I give you all of my trust, all of my tomorrows, all of my life.
I love you.

* * * * *

I, Violet, take you, Jamie to be
my best friend,
my husband,
my love.

I promise to honour and respect you;
to encourage and inspire you.

I promise to love you in good times and in bad times,
when life seems easy and
when we are faced with challenges and difficult decisions.
I promise to love you when our love is sweet and simple,
and when love is painful and hard.

So, it’s voting time! Choose your favourite! Haha! We are the “ever- competitive” couple. 🙂 Or if you are up for it, share with us your wedding vows! Or which is your favourite verse from the traditional wedding vows?Tags: , , , ,

Together we will spur each other on,
encourage each other to grow
and share one another’s dreams.

I would like to improvise one of my favourite songs by Shawn Colvin.

(sing) No one else has ever shown me how.
To see the world the way I see it now.
Oh I, I have never felt love like this before.
And I, I have never felt love like this before.

I give you
my hand,
my heart,
and my love,
from this day forward and for all eternity.

I love you.
.
.
.
.
.

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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A Book Review: The Game

Have just finished reading a book over the weekend.

The title of the book is "THE GAME". It is written by Neil Strauss. Hmm, from the title of the book, what do you think the book is about?

The author is actually an undercover in the Secret Society of PUAs (Pick-Up Artists). And they do precisely what their name suggests – they specialize in picking up girls in bars, clubs, or just at the fast food joints.

They bait you with "openers" such as "I need some female opinion on this," or "Have you heard about the best friend test?". Then they hook you further with their runes reading, handwriting analysis, palm reading or the "cube" test. And finally they "number-close" you.

It sounds so unbelievable right? I could have mistaken the book as fiction.

But no, this is indeed very real.

These mPUAs (Master Pick-Up Artists) have been zooming around US and sometimes Europe conducting seminars and workshops, teaching other guys how to become PUAs. And after that, they sarge. Sarging means going to pubs and other suitable venues, exercising their new-found skills.

And some of these PUAs have sarged Britney Spears and Paris Hilton to name a few. They even started establishments such as the aptly named "Project Hollywood" where Courtney Love have been known to be a house guest.

Seriously, it’s crazy. After finishing the book, I sit there thinking… is this real?

They perceive women like objects. They give each woman they are about to pick up a rating (1-10). I think at some point, they dehumanize the woman. Even the author admitted that he was beginning to lose respect for women.

But these skills they are teaching, men all around the world are just lapping them up. Because it is like gaining some superhuman powers. All of a sudden, you are able to pick up any woman you want. Wow! No more rejections. And even if you are bold, fat or ugly, as long as you are a good student, you would have a certain degree of success.

However, the book has an unexpected ending. When the writer finally met the woman of her dreams, he realized that she did not seem to be falling for any of the tricks in the book. She seemed to be immune to them.

And finally, what hooked her was the real him. She wanted him to be who he really is, not the pick-up artist that he has become. But yet, he kew that if he had not developed the style and confidence that he now had during the 2 years he was an undercover PUA, she probably would not have shown him the slightest interest.

To me, that is quite a paradox.

So you have all these men out there, who is your average Mr. Nice Guy. But women are simply not attracted to them because they are just TOO nice. And so, the men get fed up and decided to learn the secrets of the PUAs.

And yes, they are instantly transformed into Mr. Bad Guy. They use tactics and play games to hook the women in. But yet, they have no idea how to proceed from there. They do not know how to maintain a relationship. I mean, you cannot just keep playing games throughout the relationship, playing "hot" and "cold" all the time, can you? Or maybe you can. But if you are so busy playing games, would you actually have time to develop a real relationship?

There’s this one mPUA – Mystery. He is like one of the legends. He is one of the pioneers in the field of PUAs. Yet, he fails miserably in his relationships. He just does not know how to make it work.

Yet these men might not stand a chance with the women of their dreams by being Mr. Nice Guy… so what are they to do?

What are your thoughts? Do you think these methods would work in Asia? Or are they only successful in the more westernised countries? As a guy, would you ever learn the skills of the PUAs if given a chance?

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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