First Dates: Self Improvement

Have been working on improving my blog for the past 2 days. Migrating to WordPress, choosing a nice theme, tweaking it to my liking, and finally… a blog I can call home! 🙂 Actually, there are a lot more to be done. For example those numbers on the top of the page, that’s my statistics counter. Am still figuring a way to move them to the footer, or to the sidebar. Previously with Blogger, I could just change the HTML, but with WordPress it’s slightly more complicated. So WordPress user who would like to help me out would be great appreciated! 🙂

Talking about improvement…

I believe self-improvement and personal growth apply too to dating.

Once in a while, I meet ladies who tell me that they are not interested in dating men who are interested in looks as those men are too superficial. Or they would totally reject the idea of learning to put on some make-up or going for an image consultancy course to jazz up their dressing.

It’s very sad, but I know that their chances for a second date with a guy will be greatly reduced. It’s not that these ladies are ugly or unattractive. They are the type who will look lots better with some blusher and lipstick. Or if they choose outfits that suit their personality and figure, they would just shine. Unfortunately, they are just not open to the idea. And for men, attraction is sequential i.e. the first thing they look at is physical appearance.

Or men who are really sloppy and have social etiquettes… you get some of those sometimes as well. Suggest to them that they might want to look into some courses or books; they will look at you incredulously. If the girl is right for me, she will accept me as I am.

And you know they would stand a much higher chance of a second date if only they just brush up on some dating skills. Or if they open themselves up to the possibility that they might need some help in this area. Ladies are looking for guys that are reasonably presentable, someone they find interesting and someone whom they can rely on emotionally. And if you fail to display any of these qualities during the first date, your chances for a second date is reduced.

So, how do we go about improving ourselves?

First things first!

Identify your blind spots.

You might be surprised at how differently people see you compared to how you see yourself.

For example, two qualities that I thought I possess were adaptable and spontaneous. And of the 11 people I polled, none of them thought that I was that, and here I was thinking that I am an adaptable and spontaneous girl!!! They did think that I am idealistic, warm, reflective and trustworthy. 🙂 And most of them agreed that I am ‘able’.

And on the not so positive side, I scored quite high on overdramatic and impatient! Haha! I always knew that I am some sort of drama queen, but it is quite amazing to see so many people perceiving me to be that! As for the impatient bit, I have to agree. I can be quite impatient!

So there you go… think of some words to describe yourself. Ask 6 of your closest friends what are the words they would use to describe you, and then you would have a clearer idea of how you present yourself to the world. And do you actually like that perception?

While you are at it, ask them about their first impressions of you. Ask them what they think of your dressing, your appearance, your conversational style. It would be best to get 3 friends from the same sex, and 3 from the opposite sex, as these would give you a more balanced view.

Once you have identified some blind spots, brainstorm with your friends on how you can improve.

Do the colours you usually wear suit you? Or make you come across as too young, too old, or just inappropriate? Your usual pace and volume of conversation, or even the topics that you usually talk about, is it too boring, too intimate or too shocking? What about light makeup? You will be amazed by how makeup can brighten up your face! When I first learnt how to apply makeup properly, I am amazed by what people said… they were like wow… you look fantastic, you look radiant… and I was thinking to myself… and it’s only makeup…!

What about your haircut? I know of this friend who was constantly attracting the wrong types of guys, but once she changed her hairstyle, the types of guys who she wanted to attract actually came to her!!!

Take this exercise as a game. Take it as a challenge. Do not take offence when your friends comment on something that you might not be happy with or disagree with. See it from the perspective that these might be blind spots that you have missed out. And after all your friends have good intentions… you they don’t, you might have chosen the wrong friends. 🙂

Be open-minded about it and you will be amazed by the world of difference it would make on your next first date! 🙂

[tags]love, dating, romance, relationship, dating+tips, dating+advice, first+impressions, attraction, self-improvement[/tags]

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2 Comments

  1. Hmmm, those are good suggestions/tips for the dating crowd. I’m sure a lot of your readers will start asking their friends and colleagues about their first impressions. 🙂

    And I won’t be surprised if one of these days, one of your readers will start calling you auntie Violet, LOL!!! Just kidding lah! 😀

    [Reply]

  2. Heya Rudy!

    Oh no… am I beginning to sound like an ‘Auntie’? 🙂 But, but I am only…26!!!

    Haha, actually I will be quite used to it. My friends starting calling me Auntie when I was a teenager!!! Wonder why, maybe I am matured looking? 🙂 Or I hope it’s because they think I am wise! 😉 Haha!

    [Reply]

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