May your love be like the wind…

 

Continuing from where I left off… I love weddings. Not because of the beautiful white gown. Not because of the delicious 10 course dinner. And not because of the merrymaking where we make fun of the groom.

I love weddings because it is a beginning of a wondrous journey. You know how we hear the Emcees at the wedding dinner saying things such as…

    “From the point of getting to know each other, to falling in love, and to finally getting married, it is not an easy journey…”

and we usually think… “Yada yada, I know that already, don’t bore me with cliches!”

After being in this industry for the last 2 years, I have to say… that statement is so so true. It is a journey laced with obstacles and difficulties. You have a scenario where boy likes girl, but girl is not interested, or vice versa. Or a scenario where both fall in love, but break up later because they drift apart. Or another scenario where they are so in love, but because of parental objections, they have to separate. The scenarios are endless.

And hence, to complete the first part of the journey… to be getting married, it is definitely something worth celebrating.

I always say to girlfriends who are brides… “Don’t be so stressed up! Enjoy the process! Enjoy your wedding!” Because that is what it is supposed to be, an event where you celebrate your love.

Not an event where you worry whether the food taste good, or the people are seated properly, or whether your relatives are happy with your speech, or your behavior etc. And no matter how much you fuss over your makeup, your veil, your flowers, your decoration… something might just go terribly wrong. It is just not worth it to get upset.

And you know which is my favorite part of every wedding? The part where the couple exchanges their wedding vows. To me, that’s what a wedding is all about, a point in time where a couple decides that from that moment, they are going to pledge their lives to each other, to stay together for better or worse, in good times and bad times for all eternity.

Love… is not a feeling, but a conscious decision. A feeling might change over time. It might be affected by circumstances. But a decision once firmly and strongly committed will not change. And I believe that’s what make some relationships steadfast, and some relationships frail.

To my cousin Yin Yin and my cousin-in-law Vincent, my heartiest congratulations! May your love be like the wind, strong enough to move the clouds, soft enough to never hurt, but always never ever ending!

Went to a beautiful wedding recently? Or want to share with us your wedding vows? Tell us about your experiences at weddings recently. Maybe I will share with you my wedding vows in my next entry. 😉Tags: , , , , , , ,

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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I love weddings!

Dearest Readers,

Sorry for the lengthy disappearance! Have been busy with helping my cousin with her wedding! 🙂 I love weddings! Will tell you more about it in my next entry. Stay tuned!

Have a wonderful week ahead!

Sincerely,
Violet

P/S: To my new readers who came from the Cittabella magazine, welcome! Feel free to email me if you have a relationship question to be answered. And I will try to get back to you as soon as possible! 🙂

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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When the Volcanoes Erupt

It’s the time of the xxx again…! Time of what you might wonder.

Yes… my dear readers… the time when my face decides that it would like to erupt into clusters of tiny volcanoes. Argh… it’s so unsightly, and I really hate to look into the mirror first thing in the morning!

My first encounter with acne was when I was about 14 or 15. I can still remember one girl coming up to me, looking quizzically at my face and said,

    "What happened to your face?"

And I just did not know what to say. And the journey has since continued. I have, or more accurately I should say, my mum has spent thousands on solving my acne problem. But… unfortunately, it seems to be here to stay.

I have met so many people who have been scarred by their acne problems. And theirs are worse than mine. They have everlasting scars on their face. And usually with deep scarring, it’s not only physical but emotional as well.

Know of this friend. He’s actually a fantastic guy with a lovely personality. Some of you will be like… "Hmm ok, I can see where this is heading."

Ok, yes… he does not have the best of complexion. And well… he’s slightly on the plump side. He’s not fat or anything, just has a few extra kgs. But seriously, he’s like one of the nicest and friendliest person I have ever known. I said jokingly to him. "Hey… why don’t you give my service a try?" And he sounded quite keen initially. But when he knew that it was a blind date, he was quite surprised…

    "You mean you won’t be showing her a photo of me prior to the meeting?"

"Of course not, it’s a blind date!" "But what if she sees me and she gets scared and run away." I was like… "Hello? You are not a monster ok?"

But to him, his appearance has posed to be a disadvantage. And he probably has suffered ridicule and even missed out on job opportunities because he’s not as good-looking or as presentable as others.

It’s sad, but it’s very true. I used to think that I am very ugly. Not that I think that I am Miss Universe now. 🙂 But you get my drift.

And the reason I used to think so is because my friends kept telling me about all these other pretty girls that they are interested in. About how big their eyes are (Lucky me, I have single eyelid slanty Oriental eyes 🙂 ), how high their perky noses are (Erm, my nose is quite flat), and their cute rosebud mouths (My lips are like fat sausages!)… As you can see, I did not exactly have the highest of self-esteem in high school.

I always lamented about the fact how unfair life is. How all the pretty girls get all the attention. How "plain Jane(s)" like me just have to stand around, smile and pretend that it’s all ok. How I have to work so much harder when all the pretty girls need to do is just to bat their eyelashes and ‘Voila!’ I just could not get over it. I was just so angry!

But one day, all of a sudden, I decided to take responsibility. I decided that the world is not going to change the way it thinks. But I can change the way I think. And that changed everything.

Everybody is beautiful in their own way. We are just programmed genetically to look at beautiful people. I mean why else would magazine covers be filled with them? We appreciate beauty, be it good looking people, nature’s beauty or even a beautiful painting. There’s no point fighting the system.

I decided to be who I am. On days that I feel down about my appearance (when the volcanoes erupt), there’s always something call makeup! 🙂 And on other days, I just be myself. I do not need to aspire be the most beautiful. Or the slimmest. Or the one with the best complexion. I can just be me. Big red pimples and all. 🙂

Because only when I can accept myself, people will be able to accept me.

And now, if only I convince my friend to believe that.

Ever been the ugly duckling? How did you overcome that and turn into that "beautiful swan"? Or are you on the flip side? You just wish that people would look beyond your beautiful appearance and like you for who you are inside? Share with us your thoughts.

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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How to NOT be late on your first date

I cannot emphasize how important punctuality is on first dates.

It seems like such a simple thing. And many people will go… “Ah but then?” But you be amazed by the percentage of people who are late on their first dates.

Last Saturday, 2 dates did not materialize because the guys were late.

The first guy is more forgivable I suppose as he actually went to the wrong branch of the restaurant. Instead of going to Suntec City, he went to Orchard instead. But by the time he arrived at the restaurant, the lady was already terribly worked up. They met at the entrance of the restaurant. And the lady was fuming. If I am not mistaken, he was 40 minutes late by then. They did not say much to each other as the guy figured that there was no point staying on if the lady was SO angry.

The second guy. He was late because he was waiting for a delivery at home. He was 30 minutes late. And by then, the lady has already left the restaurant.

Well, of course, under such circumstances, the most innocent victims are my poor dating consultants as they are the one at the brunt of the anger. 🙁 I feel sorry for my consultants, because they have done everything from arranging the date to reminding them of the date a day before. It is really out of their control if one party decides to be late. Or the other party decides to storm off after waiting too long. The perils of the job I guess…

Ok, here are some easily-applicable-pointers to help you be punctual on your first date.

ONE: Choose the right time. Choose to meet at a time you are most relaxed. Do not choose time in-between appointments. Do not arrange for home deliveries on the day you are going on a date. Allow yourself at least 2 hours prior to the date so that you can have time to prepare as well as calm those nerves.

TWO: Do your research. If it is an arranged date, find out at least a day before where the restaurant is. Use your street directory or you could always Google it up on the Internet. Or if you are the one choosing the venue, choose somewhere where you do not need to battle the traffic.

THREE: Plan your route in advance. If you know it usually takes 30 minutes to get there, leave your house/office 45-50 minutes prior to your date. Allocate time for unexpected traffic conditions, time to find a parking space. If you are early, you can always go to the washroom to freshen up or browse the bookstore.

FOUR: Set up a reminder structure. If you are one of those people who can be so engrossed  in something that you forget all about the time. Use your mobile phone’s alarm/appointment function to remind you about your appointment. And for goodness sake, do not put it on ‘snooze’ mode once your alarm beeps!

At the end of the day, first dates are all about first impressions. If you are late, your date might think you do not respect him/her. Or you are irresponsible. Or you have no control over your time. The conclusions they can draw are endless.

In the case of the first and second guy in the above scenarios, they are missing out on a chance to get to know their dates. The lady could have been someone they would have wanted to get to know better. By being late, they have sabotaged their chances.

So, the first step to a successful first date… be punctual! 🙂

What are your thoughts? If you were the lady, would you have stormed off? What was the longest time you have waited for your date? How long would you wait for your date before leaving? Do you think we are always late because we assume the other party will be late too? Has it become part of our culture?

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Through Thick and Thin

Have been traveling between Singapore and KL so often… it’s pretty crazy! Traveling reminds me of my long distance relationship with Jamie. We spent 2.5 years apart.

If you ask me if I would do it again? E.g. if I were to work in KL permanently, and Jamie in Singapore, I don’t think I will. I do not mind being separated by circumstances (when I was studying), but given the choice, I would rather be where he is, even if it means some small sacrifices on my side. I guess the reason is… we are the “sticky type”? 🙂

A friend and her husband will be apart for 3 years. Her husband has been posted overseas. She has decided to pursue her career back home as she’s not sure if there are career opportunities for her where her husband has been posted to. Her husband respects her decision.

I respect her decision too. A woman should be independent and able to lead her own life. It is not all about one’s husband, and adjusting to his life and his needs. Perhaps, the Chinese saying “Once you are married, you must follow your husband,” is somewhat dated in this modern fast-paced world. 🙂

Long distance relationships… this reminds me of a disturbing story that I heard 6-7 years ago. I used to visit this old lady V during my boarding school days in England as part of my community service project. Though, I always felt that she was the one doing the charity as she always prepared these wonderful cakes and cookies for me.

Anyway, back to her story… her son was posted to work in Asia. And his wife refused to go with him. They have two school-going children. It is a predictable story. So… the son stayed in Thailand for a couple of years. He hooked up with his housekeeper and they have a son together.

And eventually he asked for a divorce but his wife refused to divorce him. They worked out an agreement where he will continue to support his wife and his daughters but it was understood that the marriage is very much over.

At first V was on the side of her daughter-in-law, saying that her son was at fault. And she wondered what her son saw in the Thai lady as she’s no beauty. And she was a divorcee as well. But as times went by, V felt that her daughter-in-law made the wrong choice by not going to Asia with her son. Because she said… a man all alone out there, he would feel lonely…

I could see V’s point of view. But somehow I am just not convinced. It does not matter whether he was lonely or not. He, in his wedding vows, has promised that he would stick with his wife through thick and thin…

I do feel sorry for her daughter-in-law.

For she will always think “What if I have gone to Asia with him? Would I be able to save my marriage?”

What are your opinions on this issue? Do you think the wife should have gone with him when he pleaded with her to? Have you been in a long distance relationship and have some tips to share? Or, you would just like to drop me a comment? Looking forward to hear from you!

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Ms Casual & Mr. Simple

When I first set my eyes on her, I knew that she’s not your typical PMEB (Professional, Manager, Executive, Businessman).

She’s in the education industry, but not your typical teacher as well. Frankly, I find it difficult to place her in a certain category or group. She was dressed casually for our consultation, a tad bit too casual. She was in boots, T-shirt and cargo pants. I was getting worried, thinking if she would wear the same to her dates.

We had a nice chat… where I learn more about her, her dating preferences and her outlook in life. I found out that she did not used to be such an outdoor person but taking part in outdoor activities has boost her social circle, not to mention her confidence.

She is not someone guys would be instantly attracted to from a physical aspect, but there’s a certain childlike innocence to her. And she’s definitely an optimistic and cheerful lady. I like her. 🙂

As we chatted, I had in mind a person to match her up with. But of course I did not tell her at our initial consultation, just in case the guy decides to put himself on hold before I could fix up the date.

After processing her membership, to my delight, the guy that I had in mind is still available for dates!

He’s a simple and down to earth guy. He does not earn a lot at the moment but he’s working hard to build up his career. From the feedback that we have received from his previous date, he’s a sincere and sweet guy who’s also a gentleman. What I really like about him is the fact that he has realistic expectations and he goes into each date taking it as a new and positive experience.

So, here we go! I did the match! 🙂 Let’s see what happens…

He was on time, and she was just 5 minutes late. She apologized and he graciously accepted her apology, and also took into account that it was raining.

My worries about her dressing was unfounded. He commented that she dressed smartly and carried herself well. He even said that he found her smile attractive! 🙂

She initiated most of the conversation at first, but as he got more comfortable, he too started initiating conversation. The date went on so well that it went pass the 2 hours mark!!! It ended on a positive note too! As she does not drive, he offered to wait with her for a taxi (what a gentleman!). They exchanged contact numbers, and they would like to see each other again.

And… when asked if they felt any instant chemistry or sparks? They both gave a resounding YES! 🙂 Heard that he has been SMSing her regularly as well, and they are planning for a second date.

Wow, happiness! And the both rated the match as ‘Good’!

This is what being a matchmaker is all about isn’t it? Knowing that you have helped in contributing to someone’s happiness! 🙂

I will be keeping an eye on this two to see if it develops further, and if it does, I will let you know too!

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Conceive. Believe. Achieve

A true example of ‘What the mind can conceive, the mind can achieve’.

Am truly inspired by his post. Need to push your limits, get rid of your limiting beliefs, or just need some inspiration to get moving, read about Malaysia’s most famous blogger and his feat to finishing the KL marathon.

I have not heard of anybody who only does 2 week of serious training and going for a full marathon! What an inspiration!

Have you been putting off exercising? Or making a career change? Or just taking that first step to starting a new relationship?

‘What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve’. – Napolean Hill.

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Turning Point

Dearest Readers,

If you are wondering why I have not been posting for a while, I have fallen sick.

And yes, it’s the full bout of flu. Sore throat, followed by fever, then running nose, and to top it all off a cough. Think I am at the ‘turning point’ now, am feeling better, and should be up and running by tomorrow latest. 🙂

Being sick reminds me of my mortality once again. Sometimes we are just so immersed in our job, our passion, our life. But we forget one of the most important things… our health. That is why Mentor Minister of Singapore, Mr. Lee Kuan Yew has my utmost respect in this aspect. He’s in his 80s, and yet… his voice resonates when he speaks. Sometime last year (or was it the year before?) he stood for close to 2 hours giving a speech at the Parliament. Read somewhere that he swims everyday too!

My gym card is gathering moss. Time to utilise it more.

Meanwhile, my dearest readers… have a wonderful day ahead, and check back for more. 🙂

Sincerely, Violet

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Old Love

Was rushing to catch my bus to KL, while walking towards the bus terminal at Novena Square, came across this old couple who was staring intently at this beautiful peach-coloured lace cheongsam on window display.

The lady’s hair was pepper grey, and the man was balding. I would estimate them to be in their late 60s or early 70s. And they were both looking so intently at the cheongsam.

The lady was seeking the husband’s opinion on it. And I only heard the husband saying… “Yes, it’s very grand.” And she agreed, “Yes, it’s very grand.”

It was a brief encounter, barely 5 seconds, yet I was just so touched by the episode.

Old love.

That’s where I aspire to be.

Not passionate love that might fizzle out after months, years or even decades. Not romantic love where surprises play such a big part. Not love that builds around the kids where there might be nothing left to talk about once the kids leave the nest.

But old love, where a mere nod, a gentle touch or a warm smile convey so much… There’s no need for lengthy love declarations, or constant surprises or big gifts.

A connection of the soul. A love that would last forever. A love when stripped of everything, the face, the figure, the intellect, the sanity… will still survive.

Perhaps old love can only be achieved after you have gone through all the different stages of love.

When you finally see through each other, when you see each other bare, and after you have seen everything… things that you wanted to see, and things that you do not want to see… and still, you want to carry on… that’s old love.

[tags]old+love, love, romance, relationship, true+love, connection, old+couple[/tags]

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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Appreciating Sunset

I always enjoy my bus journeys between Singapore and KL.

As these are the rare moments of solitude, rare moments to think… Usually, when not on ‘road trips’, I will either be working to clear my inbox, tweaking some systems, or just being occupied. These journeys allow me time to think, and reflect.

Today, the sky is beautiful. Now I know why my art teacher used to say… when painting the sky, nobody can ever give you a fail mark, because whatever color you use, or whatever strokes you make, it’s always right. The sky is one of the most multi-faceted things. I have seen the sky in blue, purple, grey, black, red, orange, yellow, pink…

And today, the sky is in layers of blue and pale orange, one layer stacking on top of the other horizontally. It is absolutely gorgeous. And these are the moments that I am truly at peace. Appreciating that there is something out there that is so much bigger than me. It has been such a long time since I last had time to appreciate little things in our lives that we take for granted.

I rarely get to see sunset nowadays. By the time I walk out of my office, it is usually dark.

When was the last time you witnessed sunset, where the sky is painted in dazzling shades of color?

Take a few minutes off work today. Just when it’s about 7pm, go for a stretch, get out of the office, peer into the sky, take a deep breath and enjoy one of God’s most beautiful creations!

[tags]nature, beauty, appreciation, relaxation, sky, creation[/tags]

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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