The weirdest thing happened today.

Someone called the office, and spoke to one of my dating consultants.

“My boyfriend B is a member of yours. He would like to put his membership on hold. He’s too busy to call, that’s why I am calling on his behalf.”

“Erm… I am sorry but may I know who this is on the line?”

“My name is G.”

“Are you a member of ours?”

“No.”

“I am sorry but I am not able to assist you. If a member would like to put his or her membership on hold, he or she must call us directly to do so.”

Ok, couple of minutes later, B called up.

“I am calling with regards to my girlfriend’s call.”

So, we assisted B to put his membership on hold.

Then 10 minutes later, G called again.

“So, has my boyfriend called you?”

I don’t know about you, but I found the entire incident absolutely bizarre.

It seems to me that G is quite insecure? Or G just does not trust B?

Trust is such a big issue in a relationship. How do we learn to trust? Especially if we have had a horrid experience!

Jamie told me that I took a long time to finally trust him. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me. As a result, I find it difficult to trust men. It does not help that I know of many people who has cheated on their girlfriends or wives. Hence, I am always weary of girls that he hangs out with or girls that call him out. Especially during the long distance part of our relationship, I think I almost went crazy.

It is difficult for a relationship to grow if there’s no trust. Yet how do we increase trust?

For example, how can I trust Jamie more? Do I enforce that he does not meet up with other women? Or do I enforce that he must tell me about his every move? I mean if he does it out of his own initiative, that’s great! But I should not enforce it on him.

Inspite of what we think, or what we wish – we cannot “own” another person. Even someone who is married has the right to make his or her own choices. We can’t make him/her do anything.

We can only look for trust within ourselves. We need to see things from a different perspective – that only I can be in control of MYSELF. I cannot be in control of someone else’s life. 

We can’t place our well-being in someone else’s hands. We cannot live thinking, “I will be happy if he does this or if he does not do that.” Taking responsibility for our own actions empowers us. Trying to make others responsible burdens us.

Back to my story, I learnt to trust again. Because I realized that it was not fair that I blame Jamie for all the other people’s shortcomings. I should take responsibility for my relationship, and I decided to judge him based on who he is and has been to me, rather than my past experiences.

Learning to trust is not easy. But at least it’s better than not trusting.

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