Who should pay? Always the guy?

A very simple question, yet it can provoke such a myriad of emotions. Yes, the age old question of, “Who should pick up the tab on a first date?”

Tip or Myth #4: If he does not pick up the tab on the first date, he’s not a gentleman, or he’s TOO cheap.

I pity our poor guys. They are completely confused.

Here we are, proud and confident modern working women. We control the boardroom, we clinch the best deal, we outdo the guys in every pitch; well ok… we try. :) 

Gone are the days when we are relegated to the house, while the men enjoy the limelight and get all the glory in the business world. Today, we are women of the world, and we stand up for our rights.

Yet, we lament when the guy do not keep the doors opened for us. We complain when the guy do not offer to give us a ride home. And we scream murder when the guy asks for our share when the bill arrives after the date!

Yes, the guys have a right to be confused. J

Ok guys, I think the ladies are not trying to make your life difficult. And neither are we materialistic or taking you for a ride (well at least most of us are not).

It’s just that if you want us to pay for our share on the FIRST date, and especially the first date, it makes us wonder if you are just supporting sexual equality, or are you just too cheap? And if it’s the latter, it worries us, as we are not sure whether this is a trend set for the future.

Another thing, many ladies actually see this as a barometer of interest. To many ladies, a guy who is trying to impress her, would pay for the first dates.

And to my dear female compatriots, let’s try to understand our poor guys too.

While some might really be too ‘cheap’, i.e. whip out a phone/PDA/calculator to split the bill to the last cent, some really think that it’s normal to “go dutch” on a first date. Look at it this way, at least you will know that he’s a thrifty fellow, and you will always have a roof over your head. J

Ok seriously, it’s always about striking the balance.

Guys, sorry to break the news to you, but most ladies, at least those that I have come across in my 2 years of running Lunch Actually expects the guys to pay for 55-60% of the dates. And seriously, it’s not that they are after your money or they are materialistic. The thing is, ladies still associate paying for a date with your ability or your willingness to take care of them and look after them.

In today’s modern society where most of our ladies are working and earning their own moolah, they would more often than not offer to pay their share or at least offer to buy coffee or the movie tickets. If you have someone who NEVER (the emphasis is NEVER ONCE) offers to pay, then perhaps you should reconsider.

Talking about first dates, I know of ladies who use bill-paying as the yardstick of whether or not to continue to see the guy after the first date. To them, if the guy does not pay for the first date, it’s a NO-NO, a total deal breaker, no matter how the rest of the date went.

And at Lunch Actually, we have even tried to get around this by getting the restaurant to split the bills! No more awkward moments or silence, as to who pays.

Well, to pay or not to pay. It’s only one aspect of the relationship, isn’t it? J

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8 Comments

  1. Wel, call me old fashioned but I would prefer paying for the meal or drinks. I just feel uncomfortable asking a woman to go dutch with me, even with my female friends. I don’t know, I guess it’s the Chinese in me… paiseh lah! 😀

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  2. Haha! 🙂 Yeah, I know where you are coming from. Remember going out for lunch with a guy friend together with two other girlfriends. We wanted to treat him to thank him for his help. And he ended up paying!

    Chivalry is very much alive! 🙂

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  3. so what happens if the guy pays more frequently than that?
    a mutual friend suggested i read your blog. i think she was trying to tell me in a nice way that i have a lot to learn 🙂

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  4. “The thing is, ladies still associate paying for a date with your ability or your willingness to take care of them and look after them.”

    I very much believe this statement depends on where the money is originally from.

    If the guy is still dependent on his parents’ money, I would rather we go dutch. That’s what differentiates a guy who knows how to value money.

    If the guy is earning his own income, then hell yeah let him pay for you.

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  5. Vagus_n, does that friend’s initial happen to be TY? 🙂 I think it’s fine if a guy pays more than that. As long as you do not feel you are being taken for a ride. I have friends and even clients who refuse to let the lady pay. 🙂 I think also, it makes a difference if the lady actually offers to pay her share, but you simply want to pay for her share.

    yun – Love your avatar. 🙂 You have a point there. I always insist on paying my share / or paying for the next dinner when I am at uni. As that’s only fair since he’s using his parent’s hard-earned money. 🙂

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  6. Yup, you got the name rite.
    She must have told you about me. All the stories were fabricated! Right down to that toilet incident!
    kidding.
    sounds like you have a good thing going on back here. a pretty fun way to meet people.

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  7. erm..it depends..not all guys will pay for all.
    from my past experienced, i went out with this guy, we went for movie, i paid for movie, he paid the snacks n drinks.
    another case, this guy asked me out for breakfast, we split the bill as well.
    i’ve a male frenz, very funny..he will pick me up for meal, opened the car door ..and insist wan to pay all the meal..
    I also saw some guys want the gals pay for everything.
    anyway…women & men are unique species…both also hard to please.. LOL

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  8. Hi Jo,

    Thanks for dropping by, and thanks for the link! 🙂 I will be returning the favour as well! 🙂

    I agree with you… both men and women have their idiosyncrasies!

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