Why hasn’t he proposed?

Tip or Myth #2: If a guy is serious about you (i.e. truly loves you), he would propose to you (or marry you) within 2 years.

Was on Singapore’s Channel 8 ‘Good Morning Singapore’ earlier today … and the topic for today was:   

“To marry at a young age, to marry at an older age, or not getting married at all? What’s your choice?”

Frankly in today’s busy world, many people are choosing to marry at a later age. One of the male callers said that he believes in marrying when he’s in his 30s as he would like to be able to bring home the bacon i.e. he wants to be able to provide for his wife and his family before settling down. And, I think he does have a valid point there. As one of the other male guests aptly said, ‘Men still feel that they have to retain their pride.’

On the other hand, there were 2 female callers who said that they believe in marrying at a younger age. One cited the reason that she feels that she has more time freedom now, as she’s only in her 40s and one of her kids is already in his 20s. Another cited the reason that she married at a younger age as her husband is a few years older than she is, and she’s really happy that she made the decision to marry at a young age.

There are definitely pros and cons to both… be it marrying at a young age, or at a later stage.

And if we bring these various perspectives back to Tip or Myth #2:

If a guy is serious about you (i.e. truly loves you), he would propose to you (or marry you) within 2 years.

… could be too much of a generalization or even exaggeration. It’s not as simple as if he loves you, he will marry you within XX timeline.

Many couples that I know actually have an open and honest discussion about getting married prior to the proposal. Yes I know, not very romantic huh? Nothing like what is portrayed in the movies. 🙂

I know of this one couple who have dated for 7 years… who has booked the banquet venue, taken the wedding photos, bought an apartment, sent out the invitation, and the guy has not even proposed! The lady joked that, if he still does not propose a month before the wedding, she will call it off. This is an extreme case of course…

According to a scientific research, the optimum time that a couple should spend together prior to getting married is 3-4 years. Chances are if you are with a person for that long a time, you would know the person enough to make the right decision.

If you ask me, I feel that the right time to get married is very subjective… for some it might be 2 years, for some it might be 3 months, for some it might be 5 years (that’s how long Jamie and I dated), for some it might be 8 months (that’s how long my parents courted before they tied the knot, and they have been married for the past 29 years). There’s no right or wrong answers.

More importantly, we ladies should not put undue pressure on ourselves… and our men. By using 2 years or 3 years as a yardstick, we might turn the statement into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If we are so fixated on the theory that ‘if he truly loves me, he will ask for my hands in XX years’, we might end up ‘chasing’ our man away with our constant nagging and ‘not-so-subtle’ hints.

I say… let the relationship blossom and develop, and you will know when the time is right. 🙂

Coming up next: What is this thing we call chemistry?

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9 Comments

  1. My ex-wife and I dated for 2 years before we finally decided to get hitched… only to break up after 6 years. I wanted to wait for a few more years before we tie the knot but we were already in our mid 30’s then, and she was getting impatient, so I relented. Bad decision…

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  2. My ex-wife and I dated for 2 years before we finally decided to get hitched… only to break up after 6 years. I wanted to wait for a few more years before we tie the knot but we were already in our mid 30’s then, and she was getting impatient, so I relented. Bad decision…

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  3. Hey snglguy,

    Good to see you again! I guess the problem is – if one party is ready and the other is not, it would lead to resentment in future.

    As for whether it is a bad decision… I think the most important thing is that we learn from our previous decisions. The lesson is not the destination, but the journey.

    Oh, and btw, thanks for your kind compliments in your first ‘love letter’. Have a nice day!

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  4. Hey snglguy,

    Good to see you again! I guess the problem is – if one party is ready and the other is not, it would lead to resentment in future.

    As for whether it is a bad decision… I think the most important thing is that we learn from our previous decisions. The lesson is not the destination, but the journey.

    Oh, and btw, thanks for your kind compliments in your first ‘love letter’. Have a nice day!

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  5. You know that scientific study you made reference to … sounds just about right. 4 years is the magic number … that is where the fork in the road is.

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  6. You know that scientific study you made reference to … sounds just about right. 4 years is the magic number … that is where the fork in the road is.

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  7. Hey Loong,

    I think it is important that the guy & the girl has gone through the various stages of courtship: attraction, exclusivity, intimacy, engagement and then marriage. Think for some, it takes a shorter time, for some, it’s much longer. But yeah, Jamie & I dated for about 3.5 years, before we got engaged. 🙂

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  8. Hey Loong,

    I think it is important that the guy & the girl has gone through the various stages of courtship: attraction, exclusivity, intimacy, engagement and then marriage. Think for some, it takes a shorter time, for some, it’s much longer. But yeah, Jamie & I dated for about 3.5 years, before we got engaged. 🙂

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  9. Hi! We just wrote a book about this topic…it’s called Why Hasn’t He Proposed?
    Check it out if you are waiting for your guy to pop the question and you are sick of nagging or simply shouldn’t have too!!!
    xo Tamsen

    [Reply]

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