Women love bad boys! You have to be ‘bad’ to win over a girl!

It will be V-Day in 7 days time! Guess that might explain why I am reading a lot more postings on love, dating, romance and relationships in many blogs! 🙂

Found some of the postings very interesting, and hence decided to start my own countdown to V-Day! And it will be entitled:

Dating & Relationship Tips or Myths?

From today till V-Day, I will share my thoughts on 7 dating tips that we come across frequently which we always wonder are they true or false? Or are they merely myths made up by someone at some point in time, and have transcended till today?

And of course, please do leave me a love letter (i.e. comment) if you have certain dating tips/myths you would like to have explored. 🙂

* * * * *

Tip or Myth #1: Women love bad boys! You have to be ‘bad’ to win over a girl!

True or false?

I am sure you have heard many stories about women dumping men who treat them well, and instead go back to their ex-boyfriends who are what most people term as ‘jerks’, ‘pricks’ or ‘bastards’. And you wonder why did the ladies to that…

The men do not return their calls. The men forget all the birthdays, anniversaries not to mention Valentine’s Day. The men spend more time with friends than with them. Yet they just cannot get enough of the ‘bad’ men!

Are these women psychos? Do they enjoy being mistreated?

Or I am sure you have also heard about nice men finishing last. You hear them lament:

“I bought her roses, teddy bears, anything that tickle or fancy.”

“When she was sick, I drove all the way to her house and brought her medicine.”

“I wait for her outside her office till she finished work.”

… but at the end of the day, she told me that she cannot be with me, because I am too good to her. She feels that I am too nice.

What’s wrong with these men? Are they really TOO nice?

Guys, listen up!

We women do not want to be ill-treated. We too want to be treated with respect and dignity. What separates the bad boys from the nice guys is not the bad boy attitude. Women are attracted to confidence. Women do not like ‘wimpy’ boys. Yes, I know… nice does not equal to being a wimp. But when nice guys try so hard to please the women with their time, their gifts, and their love… the women get put off as they feel that the guys are trying to buy over their love. Women like to be pampered, but yet they do not want to feel that the guy has no backbone.

On the other hand, we have the “bad” boys. Women are attracted to them not because they enjoy being mistreated or battered. Women are attracted to them because women as women (well, most women) are looking for a protective figure. We are looking for someone who has an air of confidence, someone who seems to know what he wants and where he is heading. Someone who knows when to say put their foot down on something and says no.

Though we might not want to admit or acknowledge it, we have all been programmed to react in a certain way for millions of years, and sometimes we are not even aware that we have been tuned this way.

Women are always testing the limits. Don’t ask us why. But that’s what we do sometimes. We know that it is wrong, or it might cross the line, but yet we try our luck. And when we DO get our way, we get that momentary triumph, but as time goes by, we begin to lose respect for the man who gives in to us ALL the time. We might not even notice it, but as the relationship moves along, we might start to realize that we are getting bolder and bolder in putting down the man. And yes, your bells should be ringing… that’s not a good sign. With the bad boy, women can never get away with crossing the line, because the bad boy would have none of it!

At the end of the day, it’s about striking the balance. You do not need to be ‘bad’ to get all the girls and you do not need to be too ‘nice’ to win the girls over. By being nice, you might impress her in the outset, but she will tire of your ‘nice-ness’ very quickly. Do be yourself, but remember that whether we like it or not, we have been programmed to behave or react in a certain manner.

Respect the lady, treat her well, but do not let her walk all over you. We might try to (walk over you)… but we DO expect you to stand up for yourself even though we will never admit it or we are not even aware of it. (sheepish)

This reminds me of an interview I did in Malaysia . The journalist asked me, “What is your ideal lover/husband?” And one of the points I made was, “someone who gives in to me yet know when NOT to give in”. Sounds like a contradiction?

I know… we women are complicated creatures. 🙂

And tomorrow we will be talking about…”The right time to propose, is there ever a right time?”

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13 Comments

  1. You know, for a person running a lunch dating service, it is a bit peculiar for you to use the moniker “Miss Match”; seems way too close to “Mis-Match”. Just saying only … =)

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  2. I am bad, but why I don’t have a girlfriend?

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  3. Hey Loong! – Good to see you here again! 🙂 Appreciate your observation.

    Guess it’s a short form of Miss Matchmaker, which was what a media ‘termed’ me as when I first started Lunch Actually. 🙂

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  4. Hi Jacky!

    Well… 🙂 Being bad does not equal to being attractive. Women are not looking for men who treat them badly, but men who stand up for themselves.

    And also, women are attracted to a myriad of qualities… stay tuned for the next 6 instalments! 🙂

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  5. Putting your foot down will always result in an argument especially if the guy is adamant about his decision. Just my two cents worth, as a formerly married guy. 😀

    BTW, cool blog you got here. I’ll be sure to visit often. 🙂

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  6. Aaron /

    Hi there Violet, i chance upon ur site through….some online magazine fr SG, i can’t remember the name. The fact is ive read about ur agency, Lunch Actually a while ago and thought it was a great idea for busy professionals.

    Anyhoo, i love ur blog, and have been on it ever since last night, haha. But this topic about women liking bad boys just got to me.

    I know that is somewhat true but despite that fact, i still remain as the good guy. I believe in it. I haven’t been in the dating scene for 4 years now, after a painful break up with my ex, after that i was all into work,work and work; just to keep my mind off the dating game. I was in advertising then and now im an airline pilot, i know, i know, design and advertising has no relavance to each other haha, trust me, i’ve told my story a whole lot of times already.
    But even during those advertising times, i saw, met, knew a whole lot of pretty and attractive women, and now as a pilot, beautiful ladies from 30 over thousand feet and a lot of them (not all obviously) liked the bad boys. Dunno why. As for me, i always end up in the friend zone, haha, guess once u enter the zone, thats it, there goes the attraction vibe.

    Most of my galpals told me that im too nice. So i always ask them back, “is that such a bad thing?” I thoroughly belive that the world needs more nice guys rather than bad boys. Heaven forbid someday our government would be run by some stupid bad boy like the head of the so called most powerful nation in the world. No specific names mentioned, haha.

    What im trying to say is that i believe in the whole idea of being the good guy, believe in being good for my own sake, not because i wanna buy other people’s affection or have any hidden intentions behind my being the goody two shoes. Hopefully a lot more people would remain or try to be the good guy or good women out there and not just wanna be the ‘bad’ ones just to get a date, haha. That would be pretty lame isn’t it?

    Don’t get me wrong, im no Mother Theresa, nor am i a bible reading church going person haha. Just good ol wholesome moral fibre, Lol.

    Just my two cents; and once more, i think u have a very nice blog here. Ur wedding looked beautiful and bless u and jamie for long long wedded bliss and lot of rugrats in the near future 🙂

    Still single and still a good guy,
    Aaron.

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  7. carol /

    Well, Aaron.. your comments just caught my interest and I personally thinks that, you did the right thing 🙂 by just being yourself and not influence by others although sometimes, it didnt get you the things that you wanted. But, at least your conscience is clear and you are comfortable by being yourself and most importantly “not fake” .

    Honestly, there are not many good guys left out there nowadays and its not a crime to be too nice as I personally prefer nice guys rather than bad ones. So, I guess it boils down to individuals preference.

    Although, I myself am not in the position to give any advise since I’m in the edge of giving up in this area due to many setbacks but what I can say is that “stay true to your believes no matter what” 🙂

    p/s: Hi, Violet.. How are you?hope you dont mind me sharing some of my thoughts here with Aaron 🙂

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  8. Hi Aaron,
    Thanks for dropping by my blog, and thanks for your compliments and well wishes! 🙂

    I hear you!!! And actually, there are a lot fo women out there who like nice guys… Carol is one! 🙂 And I also agree with you that it is lame if guys start to be ‘bad’ just to date women…

    At the end of the day, it is also about the type of women whom you are dating. Attractive women who have men swirling around them all the time are not going to be taken in by compliments or niceness, as they have had 20-30 people paying them compliments in a day. Am sure you have seen lots of that in your current line of work. 🙂 On the other hand, women who are pleasant looking not not exactly super-model type are going to appreciate a nice guy a lot more. 🙂

    I am sure that if you continue to be the good guy, and you are meeting the right girls for you, you are not going to remain single for long. 🙂

    Take care, and drop by again soon!

    Sincerely,
    Violet

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  9. Hi Carol,

    Good to hear from you again… of course I don’t mind you sharing your thoughts with Aaron. 🙂 Hope to have more interaction on my blog! 🙂

    Sincerely,
    Violet

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  10. carol /

    Thanks, Violet..

    Yeah, its been a while since I last drop by and I miss you! 🙂

    Its been a roller-coaster weeks that turned to months and time really flies with a blink of an eye! Everything just seems like yesterday 🙂

    I’m glad you are well and happy 🙂

    Hmmm anyway, I was wondering (*this might sound bit crazy* haha.. but worth a try ;p ).. if Aaron dont mind, I dont mind to have a friend like Aaron in my circle of friends 🙂 May I?

    Sincere girl,
    carol

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  11. I’ve been reminded by a friend about…women love bad boys!! Just noticed you have the article just for this topic. I like reading this..:-) Just my own discoveries. Bad boys = rebels. Rebels are confident. Women find confidence a major turn on. Rebels are indifferent.Here is a great quote, “Mr. Right doesn’t necessarily care if he is Mr. Right.” If a woman says no, who cares? They move on to the next one. Rebels are exciting and adventurous. The ‘bad boys’ are always testing the boundaries and pushing the envelope when it comes to their life – and women can’t get enough of it. They find it intriguing. And when you put exciting and adventurous beside the other rebellious traits, it sends women into a tizzy. Rebels are challenging and mysterious. I got to cut it short….Rebels are very masculine. The illusion of control is often more powerful than control itself. Power within a relationship, power outside of a relationship – it doesn’t matter – being with a bad boy, encompassing all of the above traits, gives women an air of strength and togetherness. Essentially the confident, cocky bad boy image rubs off a little bit on her – and she laps it up!Rebels know how to talk to women…..Good luck! From CJJune….:-)

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  12. Isaac /

    Hi Violet, 
    This is an interesting article.
    Btw, abit kaypoh,
    Hi Carol, are you already becoming a friend of Aaron?
    =P

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  13. Hi Isaac,

    Thanks for dropping by, and am glad you enjoyed the post! 🙂

    Sincerely,

    Violet

    [Reply]

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