Dating & Relationship Tips or Myths?
From today till V-Day, I will share my thoughts on 7 dating tips that we come across frequently which we always wonder are they true or false? Or are they merely myths made up by someone at some point in time, and have transcended till today?
And of course, please do leave me a love letter (i.e. comment) if you have certain dating tips/myths you would like to have explored. 🙂
* * * * *
Tip or Myth #1: Women love bad boys! You have to be ‘bad’ to win over a girl!
True or false?
I am sure you have heard many stories about women dumping men who treat them well, and instead go back to their ex-boyfriends who are what most people term as ‘jerks’, ‘pricks’ or ‘bastards’. And you wonder why did the ladies to that…
The men do not return their calls. The men forget all the birthdays, anniversaries not to mention Valentine’s Day. The men spend more time with friends than with them. Yet they just cannot get enough of the ‘bad’ men!
Are these women psychos? Do they enjoy being mistreated?
Or I am sure you have also heard about nice men finishing last. You hear them lament:
“I bought her roses, teddy bears, anything that tickle or fancy.”
“When she was sick, I drove all the way to her house and brought her medicine.”
“I wait for her outside her office till she finished work.”
… but at the end of the day, she told me that she cannot be with me, because I am too good to her. She feels that I am too nice.
What’s wrong with these men? Are they really TOO nice?
Guys, listen up!
We women do not want to be ill-treated. We too want to be treated with respect and dignity. What separates the bad boys from the nice guys is not the bad boy attitude. Women are attracted to confidence. Women do not like ‘wimpy’ boys. Yes, I know… nice does not equal to being a wimp. But when nice guys try so hard to please the women with their time, their gifts, and their love… the women get put off as they feel that the guys are trying to buy over their love. Women like to be pampered, but yet they do not want to feel that the guy has no backbone.
On the other hand, we have the “bad” boys. Women are attracted to them not because they enjoy being mistreated or battered. Women are attracted to them because women as women (well, most women) are looking for a protective figure. We are looking for someone who has an air of confidence, someone who seems to know what he wants and where he is heading. Someone who knows when to say put their foot down on something and says no.
Though we might not want to admit or acknowledge it, we have all been programmed to react in a certain way for millions of years, and sometimes we are not even aware that we have been tuned this way.
Women are always testing the limits. Don’t ask us why. But that’s what we do sometimes. We know that it is wrong, or it might cross the line, but yet we try our luck. And when we DO get our way, we get that momentary triumph, but as time goes by, we begin to lose respect for the man who gives in to us ALL the time. We might not even notice it, but as the relationship moves along, we might start to realize that we are getting bolder and bolder in putting down the man. And yes, your bells should be ringing… that’s not a good sign. With the bad boy, women can never get away with crossing the line, because the bad boy would have none of it!
At the end of the day, it’s about striking the balance. You do not need to be ‘bad’ to get all the girls and you do not need to be too ‘nice’ to win the girls over. By being nice, you might impress her in the outset, but she will tire of your ‘nice-ness’ very quickly. Do be yourself, but remember that whether we like it or not, we have been programmed to behave or react in a certain manner.
Respect the lady, treat her well, but do not let her walk all over you. We might try to (walk over you)… but we DO expect you to stand up for yourself even though we will never admit it or we are not even aware of it. (sheepish)
This reminds me of an interview I did in Malaysia . The journalist asked me, “What is your ideal lover/husband?” And one of the points I made was, “someone who gives in to me yet know when NOT to give in”. Sounds like a contradiction?
I know… we women are complicated creatures. 🙂
And tomorrow we will be talking about…”The right time to propose, is there ever a right time?”