The Most Difficult Words To Say

The Most Difficult Words To Say: “‘When you go back to Perth, do you think we should just… ?’ She’s gone.”

Such a simple post, but yet, with such simplicity, his readers hearts really go out to him.
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I met up with an old friend C the other day. He is going to get married. Well, technically… yes. He has not proposed yet. But he will be proposing in the next 2 months. He plans to hold the wedding next year.

Asked him about his girlfriend, and found out that she’s actually not local. They have been in a long distance relationship for the last 4 years. And he sees her on average once a year.

I thought Jamie and I were mad. We were together for 1.5 months, before going on a 2.5 years long distance relationship.

But C apparently is even ‘crazier’. But though the whole arrangement sounded crazy, C is so committed to his relationship.

Which made me ponder over the question last weekend…

What makes a relationship work?

Is it the constant communication? Or is it the more compatible you are, the higher the chances. Jamie and I had a conversation on this.

And we decided that what makes a relationship work is…

sharing the common value. 

And the common value to share is… as Morrie said in “Tuesdays with Morrie” – ‘keeping your relationship/marriage together’ being the most important value. And sometimes it might involve sacrifice from one party or even both parties.

And the common value to share is… as Morrie said in “Tuesdays with Morrie” – ‘keeping your relationship/marriage together’ being the most important value. And sometimes it might involve sacrifice from one party or even both parties.When your relationship is more important than anything else your career, your sense of adventure, earning money; when you place your relationship as top priority, the chances of the relationship working out are much higher.

And the common value to share is… as Morrie said in “Tuesdays with Morrie” – ‘keeping your relationship/marriage together’ being the most important value. And sometimes it might involve sacrifice from one party or even both parties.When your relationship is more important than anything else your career, your sense of adventure, earning money; when you place your relationship as top priority, the chances of the relationship working out are much higher.

And the common value to share is… as Morrie said in “Tuesdays with Morrie” – ‘keeping your relationship/marriage together’ being the most important value. And sometimes it might involve sacrifice from one party or even both parties.When your relationship is more important than anything else your career, your sense of adventure, earning money; when you place your relationship as top priority, the chances of the relationship working out are much higher.

Scenario:
Peter and Jane are married. Both are high-flyers. Jane is a director in a MNC whilst Peter is a leading scientist in his field. Peter has been offered a research position in X country where he would be part of the team to find the cure for AIDS. Jane has just gotten a promotion and a salary increase. If she moves to X country, she would have great difficulty finding a job, not to mention a job at her level.

Should she stay on in her home country and conduct a long distance relationship, or should she join Peter in X country?

If Peter and Jane’s priority is their relationship, then Jane would probably leave her job and be with Peter as she perceives Peter’s job as more important, as his research would help save the world. Hence, in this case, Jane is making the sacrifice.

But I guess the problem is… what if the case is not so clear-cut? What if Peter was not a scientist but was a partner in a legal firm?

So then, why should Jane make the sacrifice when she herself has a great career? Maybe Peter should just NOT take up the offer and be contented with what he has at the moment?

I guess the difference is – when both parties place their relationship as top priority, then, the party who had to make the sacrifice would not have done it begrudgingly as he/she is doing it to make sure the relationship works out.

Like in the case of my friend C, his girlfriend will be moving to Malaysia from Australia… a lifestyle that might be completely alien to her. Or in the case of my friend groovygerm, his Princess left Japan to be with him in Kuantan. Talk about contrast!

But, the problem is… life is not so simple sometimes. Too many factors come into play. Sigh!

***How do you make your relationship work? Write me a love letter! :)

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Violet Lim

VIOLET LIM is a real-life modern matchmaker who has founded Asia's leading lunch dating company Lunch Actually (www.lunchactually.com). Violet is the bestselling author of the dating book 'Lessons From 15,000 First Dates'. She is also an acknowledged dating and relationship expert who has been featured on more than 1000 media coverage including ABC News 20/20, Bloomberg, CNBC Asia, CNN Go, Channel News Asia, USA Today, TV Tokyo and Singapore’s National Day Video 2005 as one of Singapore’s most aspiring people. Violet is happily married to her university sweetheart Jamie and they have two young children.

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2 Comments

  1. oh i can see that u mentioned about me in your entry :) by the way did u ask permission from my manager? hey how did u get the free web hosting? you pages looks good now, learned some html?

    [Reply]

  2. I am insulted! Are you saying my page looks horrible previously? :p

    I actually got the template from eris: design, you can get the link from my website, it’s listed at ‘credits’. And the hosting, I am using http://www.doteasy.com

    [Reply]

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