Why do people stay on in unhappy relationships?

I am sure most people would know of at least one couple who stayed together even though they are unhappy, or unsatisfied with each other.

I have a friend – let’s call her Zee. She has been going out with this guy for the longest time. They have been through many breakups. But they always get back together at the end of the day. Some might call it fate. Or some might say that it’s convenient.

In a survey, when asked, why do people get married, or get into relationships? The majority answered – to have someone to do things with. Yes, the answer is as simple as that. When you are married or when you are in a relationship, whenever you want to do something – be it – going for a meal, movie, or shopping, or simply lazing around at home – you always know that you have someone whom you can do these activities with.

Back to my friend Zee, our meetups are getting more and more depressing. When I first got together with J about 5 years ago… when Zee saw how happy we were, she attributed it to us being in the ‘honeymoon’ period – where everything is bright and rosy. She said that she and her bf used to be like that too. Just wait till 3 years later…. and now, J and I have been going out for 5 years, and yes – like any other couples, we quarrel and argue occasionally. But I think the love and respect between us is apparent…

We met up with Zee last week. And during one of our conversations, she commented, ‘you guys (still) look very happy together’ – and i was just thinking to myself – if I am not happy, I will not stay on in a relationship.

Which brings me back to the question – why do people stay on in unhappy relationships? Why do we always hold out hoping things will one day change? Why do we put up with partners that do not respect us? We only live once. And we deserve to be happy. If you are no longer happy, maybe it’s time for us to move on. Yes – easier said than done.

But if only we could just try.

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6 Comments

  1. hi violet!
    i so totally agree with this… i can’t understand why would 2 person want to stay in an unhappy relationship?? it’s really unhealthy, if u think about it. and everybody deserves to be happy… u haven’t really lived life if u have never experienced true happiness in love! and i’m talking about long term happiness…
    oh well, i’m sure every couple have their own reasons for staying on… but i wouldnt want to be caught in that situation and being stuck in it. at least i hope not…

    i don’t believe in the ‘honeymoon’ stage either… They ARE couples who have been married for many years and ARE still happy together…
    it’s all just up to you to BELIEVE in it…!

    or are we both just hopeless reomantics?? lol..

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  2. Hi Hazel,

    Thanks for dropping a note!

    Well – I sure hope that we are not the only two hopeless romantics…! Think people are in marriages for different reasons now, it used to be for ‘survival’ in the past, but now people are in it for companionship and support.

    Let’s toast to more ‘forever-honeymoon’ couples! At least let’s all strive towards it…

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  3. Love is too young to know what conscience is, yet who knows not conscience is born of love.

    [Reply]

  4. Hi Tony,
    Welcome to my blog! 🙂 Wow… what you have just said is very deep… I am actually still trying to grasp its meaning. But I guess your comment has given me an opportunity to announce a very happy news i.e. Zee and her beau have gotten married! 🙂 So at the end, they did work out their differences…!

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  5. what if one person isnt happy and the other one has no idea that person isnt happy, if makes breaking up harder….i have been with current partner for nearly 8 yrs i am unhappy and have been for a long time but he is totally unaware of this

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  6. alvin /

    It does remind me of a friend of mine who has been hanging on to her bf despite being mistreated. When i asked her why she stayed on, her reply was that she still love him cox they have been together for quite a while (2years actually)…

    [Reply]

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