Just joined a Chinese Toastmasters Club! This is the first time I am using Chinese to write a speech. The members have been very encouraging! That evening, I won the Best Speaker Ribbon. Sharing my maiden Chinese speech with you…

刚刚加入华语讲演会!

这是我第一次用华语写稿. 会员们也给我很大的支持和肯定.

当晚, 我得到最佳备稿作业奖.

和你们分享我的作业…

初试啼声: 行行出状元

大家好!

我们玩一个游戏好吗? 你们猜一猜我的职业! 让我给你们三个不同的选择吧! 一, 律士. 二, 银行家. 三, 红娘.  猜我是律士的请举手, 猜我是银行家的请举手, 猜我是红娘的请举手… 谢谢大家的参与!

其实无论你猜一,二或三, 你的答案都是正确的!

虽然我没有律士执照, 我是法律系出身的. 我的第一份工作是在花旗银行当管理培训生. 在2004年, 我就开始从事摩登红娘的职业了.

如果你问我, 我小时后的梦想是什么… 我可以很肯定的告诉你… 一定不是当红娘!

那我是怎么加入这份行业呢?

在银行工作的时候, 周围的同事都是单身一族… 我总是想不通. 这是怎么一回事? 他们都才貌双绝.  察言观色之后, 原来他们是因为一天到晚都是日无暇晷. 所以没有时间认识新朋友或扩展自己的生活圈子.

刚好,我就在这个时候认识午餐约会的概念.这个概念在英国和美国都已经相当流行了. 但是,当时的新加玻,甚至亚洲也没有类似活动. 我对这门生意特别感兴趣因为我觉得当摩登红娘除了赚钱还可以帮助别人, 真是一举多得, 何乐而不为?

辞职前, 当然先要和家人商量一下. 我想我的妈妈肯定以为女儿疯了! 虽然她没说出口, 但从她的表情, 她真的给她这女儿气坏了! 爸爸妈妈辛辛苦苦让我到外国留学. 还考上硕士学位, 我现在竟然要当媒人!  他们问我, “女儿呀女儿! 难道你没听过…不做中、不做保、不做媒人，三代好吗?” 他们也劝我不要辞职. 先做兼职. 那至少生意做不成, 饭碗还可以给留着.

我不是不要听从他们的忠告.只不过, 我的个人作风是… 一不做，二不休. 经过一般讨论之后, 爸妈也只能无奈地给我他们的祝福.

转眼间,我当红娘的生涯也有六年了. 在这六年内, 冠仁和我真是酸甜苦辣都尝遍了.我的爸妈也被我们的良工苦心被感动了. 现在他们已经成为我们的大力支持者.

话说回来,当红娘真的不容易! 我的栋梁当然是我这一位英俊潇洒风度偏偏与我心心相印的丈夫. 而我们两个可爱的孩子门是我们精神上的支柱.

自己拥有一个幸福的家, 也希望可以帮助别人找到他们的幸福.这可是我这一位摩登红娘的愿望!

但愿我心想事成吧!

司仪.

A couple of days ago, I turned 30.

Strange enough, I have been looking forward to this day. Because my real age has finally caught up with how old people think I am. I know, it is bizarre right? I apparently look so old that since like 4-5 years ago, people think that I am 30+. Sob sob. I remember a few years ago when I was 25, a newspaper article actually quoted that I am 35! Aiks!

On a more serious note. When I turned 30, I took time to take stock of my life thus far.

I feel extremely thankful and blessed.

My dearest hubby Jamie threw me a surprise birthday party in Malaysia among my dearest and closest family and friends. (I must admit that it wasn’t as much a surprise as he wanted it to be since he had my mum as an accomplice! Haha! My mum kept asking me questions about the party?!) But I was really surprised by the big group of people that he managed to gather, and of course, really surprised by his poem recitation! It was really funny, because at first he told me the poem was… “Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I don’t know what happened, but I love you…!” I was like… err… but the actual poem was a really meaningful poem about growing old together.

People often tell me how lucky I am to have such a sweet and romantic husband. I am extremely thankful for my hubby who has been very supportive of all my endeavors throughout the years. And I would like to take this opportunity once more to thank him again.

J, thank you for loving me! Especially during times when I am not so ‘lovable’.

I am thankful for my 2 beautiful children. I guess all parents think that their children are beautiful. Haha! Knowing that many of our friends are finding it hard to conceive despite being healthy young adults, I know our children are our little miracles, as I actually have endometriosis, a condition that affects fertility rate by 40%.

And my parents. Who have been extremely self-sacrificing and supportive of Jamie and myself. Even though they have been quite shocked by their crazy daughter on several occasions, one being when I told them I am quiting my cushy job to be a… matchmaker! They have recovered to be our biggest and most ardent supporters. I love you, pa and mi!

On some days when things are not going that well, I will sometimes question my choice of career path.

Have I had doubts? Of course I have. I am only human. Strange as it might sound, being a matchmaker can sometimes be quite a thankless job. But of course, I am very thankful for the clients who appreciate us for our efforts.

Taken in 2005, a much slimmer and younger version of me

On my 30th birthday, surrounded by my family, relatives and friends, I am once again reminded that God must has given me all these blessings for a reason and a purpose. To steer me on a mission to help more singles out there to find happiness… to be, meet and choose the right person.

A HK journalist asked me recently, “It is not easy to matchmake, or to help people get married, what motivates you?”

My reply was… Step by step, one at a time.

My dearest readers and friends… thank you very much for your love and support all these years! Reading your comments, or knowing that you like the blog post always put a smile to my face!

As I turn 30, I will charge ahead (b)older and wiser, with renewed hope and vigour!

Just a quick note to wish all my dearest readers a very Happy Valentine’s Day and of course Gong Xi Fa Cai and Happy New Year to all of you who celebrate the Lunar New Year!

Have a wonderful celebration!

Valentine’s Day is around the corner!

Is your sweetheart already giving you hints of what she wants as her Valentine’s Day gift?

Or are you worried about how you are going to split yourself into two since Valentine’s Day also happens to fall on the first day of Chinese New Year!

Most guys I know usually do not look forward to this day. Why?

Probably because they have to buy expensive flowers and over-priced meals which one can get at half the price at any other day of the year. Instead of dreading another V-Day, why not celebrate V-Day with a twist this year?

Here are some alternative ideas to celebrate this year’s Valentine’s Day!

1. Since Valentine’s Day also falls on the first day of Chinese New Year, take this opportunity to introduce your better half to your family and relatives, if you have not already done so. Trust me, to most women that would be a better gift than flowers, as it shows that you are serious about her. It is a form of affirmation of your love and commitment.
2. Forget the overpriced and cliché Valentine’s Day Dinner set for two! Show off your culinary skills by cooking up a storm in the kitchen. Well, if you are not much of a cook, you can ‘da bao’ all her various favourite hawker fare, and give her a yummy surprise!
3. Return to the scene where you first met or where you had your first date or even where you got engaged! Go back to where it all started! Sometimes we get so caught up in the mundane and routine day-to-day activities that we take each other for granted and forget what got us together in the first place.  This is a great way to go down memory lane and relive the memory.
4. Volunteer together! Valentine’s Day is all about love, but it needs not be just about romantic love. Share the love this Valentine’s Day by going down to help out at the SPCA if both of you are pet lovers, and help out at the orphanage if you both love children. This is will definitely be more meaningful than splurging on yet another expensive meal.
5. Write her a love letter. If you have watched Sex in the City: The Movie, you would know that women love to receive love letters. But unfortunately, in this day and age of emails and internet, one would be lucky to even receive a card. So, surprise her this year with a lengthy love letter documenting your love journey so far! And if you run out of ideas, you can always Google up “Love Letters of Great Men”.

Valentine’s Day needs not be a drag every year! Think out of the box, and inject some spontaneity and creativity, and I am sure you will sweep her off her feet!

Happy Dating!

Note: Article first appeared in New Man Malaysia Feb 2010

One of my resolutions for this year is to update my blog once a week! So this is my first step…

Stepping into February (my favourite month because it’s V-Day, and it’s my month of birth ), I am having a good feeling about this year! Have met a lot of incredible, amazing and nice people in the last 30 odd days. Come to think about it… I have been extremely productive in the last 30 odd days (Pat pat myself on the back! Haha!)

Ok… on a more serious note, I feel truly blessed… I have learnt a lot from all the wonderful sharing – people sharing with me their life and business experiences.

It makes me start to ponder…

There are times in my life when I feel really down and depressed, and everything seem to be going wrong…

And there are times when everything seem to be smooth sailing, and I will be happy and upbeat…

The truth is… happiness is indeed a choice.

In our busy lives, many things happen in a day. Some might frustrate us, but some will make us smile. It is up to us to decide how we want to react, and how we want to make out of our day.

I realize that when I am less ‘neurotic’, I tend to have a better day. I don’t stress over the small things. I take joy in the little things. And I am thankful and grateful for the people around me, and their efforts.

I always tell my clients.

Success in dating is like anything else in life… it is about having an open mindset and a positive attitude.

People like to be around happy, positive and optimistic people. Because they hope that some of your happiness will rub off them! Nobody wants to be around a constantly frowning and scowling person. Or someone who just keep complaining about everything under the sun.

So, how is your day so far?

Good? Bad?

It is all about interpretation, and the attitude that we choose to adopt!

Have a happy day!

Some guys have asked me in the past what would make a perfect proposal… Here are my thoughts and views… those of you who are now happily engaged or married, please feel free to contribute your thoughts!

You have been dating for close to 2 years now. And things are going really well. She laughs at your jokes, even when most people think you are really corny. You are comfortable enough to fart in front of her, and she hardly cringes. She’s great with your dogs or your sister’s kids. You can totally imagine growing old with her, and being with her for the rest of your life.

Yes, you are ready to propose.

If you are tempted to just casually ask her to marry you over the phone when you next speak to her, I will stop you right there. A marriage proposal is something that your girl would take very seriously. And it is an occasion that friends and relatives would ask for details for years to come. “So how did he propose?” You do not want her to say, “Ah well, it was really boring. He asked me to marry him over the phone.”

You want to give her a proposal to remember – a proposal that she will be proud to tell over and over again, and each time she retells it, she will remember how much effort you have put into it, and how thoughtful you are, and how much you love her.

So, how do you go about it?

Here’s a 5-steps approach that would result in your perfect proposal!

Step 1: Telling her parents

If you have been dating seriously, chances are you would have met up with her parents. By informing them, you would have scored Brownie points, as her parents would be really impressed that they have such a sensitive future son-in-law. Some guys I know even involve her parents in the proposal process as the girl is really close to her parents. Of course, there would be exceptions. If your girlfriend is estranged from her parents, skip this step.

Step 2: Getting the ring

Some girls like to choose their own engagement rings, but I personally think that takes out the surprise element of the process. And it’s not as romantic. If you have previously spoken about marriage, then you probably would have a good idea of the type of ring that she likes. Or if not, enlist the help of her best friend or sister who usually would be more than happy to help you out.

Step 3: Thinking about the setting

Think about your girl’s personality. Would she prefer a more intimate setting, where there are just two of you? Or does she prefer to have an audience?  If she likes to have an audience, then indulge her, and give her a big one. Try to recall the proposals in movies that she said, “Aww… that’s so sweet!”

You could consider doing something totally out of the ordinary e.g. on a hot-air balloon, or on top of Mount Kinabalu if both of you are avid trekkers, or even proposing over the radio. Or you could surprise her in the course of a normal day. Like when she’s coming home from work, and when she opens the door, there you are, kneeling down on one knee with the ring, with flowers in the room. Or when you are at both your favourite restaurant and she finds the ring on the dessert platter.

The options are endless, and it is up to how creative and memorable you want to make it.

Step 4: Be formal

As you know, this scene is going to stay ingrained in her mind, and would be retold to friends, choose your words carefully. Do not trivialize it by saying, “So, wanna get married?” Stick to the traditional, “Will you marry me?” As for whether to bend down on one knee, this would depend on the setting. However, do consider whether to do it, especially if your girl is the more ‘old-fashioned’ or the ‘romantic’ type, as she may well be expecting it and would be utterly disappointed if you didn’t.

Step 5: Be prepared for her answer

If you have come to this stage, chances are you are quite sure that she’s going to say yes. But just in case, do prepare for the 0.001% chance that she might say no, or she needs to think about it.

And so if she’s says yes, rejoice with her! Dance with her. Hug her. Swirl her around. The worst thing that can happen at this juncture is an excited girl with a guy with a blank look on his face.

And finally, a word of advice… when you are thinking about your proposal, stay true to your relationship and who you are. Remember the reason you are doing this – you are asking the woman you love for her hand. A proposal with ‘the full works’ might work for some relationships but for others, it might be the recital of a handwritten love poem or a song declaring your love.

I wish you luck and may your relationship be filled with much love, joy and laughter!

This article first appeared on New Man Magazine, Malaysia.

7 more hours, and we will be in 2010.

While the family sleeps, I am stealing some time to take stock of the year that is about to pass…

2009 is the year we welcome to our world our little princess Cara Krysania Lee. We wanted to name her Crysania Kara Lee, but nobody seemed to be able to pronounce her first name, and after she is borne, we felt that Cara suits her better. She’s a perfect little addition to our family. She’s demure and ladylike whilst Corum is loud and boisterous. She looks absolutely gorgeous in pink, and Mummy really enjoys dressing her up. Corum just turned 3 and is growing up well. He just said, “Mei-mei is the best sister ever! I love Mei-mei!” Daddy whispered to me, “But he only has one Mei-mei!” Oh well, it’s a good start…!

2009 is the year of travel. I have been travelling so frequently that sometimes I do not even bother to unpack. The worst travel stint was when I arrived back at Changi Airport at 12am, and I have to go back again at 6am. I have come to the conclusion that unless you are flying business class, business travel is so NOT glamorous!

2009 is the year my best friend Tsiao Yi got married to her university sweetheart Tow. And I was the matron of honour. The reason I flew across the globe to attend her wedding having only delivered a baby 6 weeks earlier and amidst the height of the H1N1 flu scare (other than she’s my best friend), is because I wanted to support them in their journey of love. Tow is battling cancer, and he’s in an advanced stage. Some people might think it’s crazy that they are even contemplating marriage but the love that they share is so pure, so sincere, so true that I wanted to be part of their beautiful wedding tapestry.

2009 is the year that Jamie and I got baptized. For myself personally, I seemed to have played a game of hide and seek with God in the last 20 years. And finally in 2009, I have found my way home.

2009 has been an extremely tiring year on the business front. I feel that I have been fire-fighting most of the time. And being an entrepreneur of 5 years, thinking I am no longer a ‘greenhorn’, I was not prepared for it. Especially since I was heavily pregnant with Cara… But I honestly believe that God will never throw you something that He thinks you cannot handle… We had to make some tough decisions. It was not easy but hurdle after hurdle, challenge after challenge, obstacle after obstacle, Jamie and I overcame them.

2009 is a year of reflection. I wondered if what I am doing is enough to help singles out there find love. Sometimes, it seems like such an uphill task…. A drop of water in the vast ocean.

As professionals and executives, we all have our criteria and preferences. We all believe ourselves to have attained a certain status in life and we have the right to demand and expect. It’s only normal.

So, it is so difficult to share with singles to look beyond the façade, to see beyond the superficial attributes, to ask yourself does that quality really matter when I am old and wrinkled… Hence, I am so heartened to know that one of my readers have actually stepped out of her comfort zone and she is now happily seeing someone whom she would in the past never consider.

That gave me a glimpse of hope that I am actually heading in the right direction. This year, I have started running my workshop for single ladies again, sharing with them on how to be, meet and choose the right one. Men, don’t worry… I am not trying to leave you out, but for now, my focus is on the fairer sex.

A big thank you to my team at Lunch Actually and Eteract. You ladies and guys have worked so very hard. Jamie and I really appreciate your effort, your loyalty and your dedication.

To my ‘Ba’ and ‘Mi’, I do not know what I will do without your selfless and tireless love.

To my parents in law, thank you so much for your time and your love for us and our two children.

To my dearest girlfriends and guyfriends, thank you for keeping me grounded and sane… as I will always be Yan when I am with you.

And to my dearest hubby, we have been through this very eventful year together. It wasn’t all rosy. But just like our wedding vows, “in good times and in bad times, when life seems easy and when life throws us challenges and difficult decisions…” WE MADE IT! And we have come out of it stronger! Thank you for being my anchor, my rock, my pillar of strength. I love you!

As the curtains fall, I bid 2009 a bittersweet farewell. It has not been easy, but there have been many beautiful rainbows that made up for the heavy storms. And… there are hopeful glimpses of what the future holds.

My dearest readers, Happy New Year!

I have signed up for the Standard Chartered Marathon 2009.

Before you get too excited… no, I did not sign up for the full marathon. Not even the half. I signed up for 10km.

If you are a seasoned marathon runner, you probably are thinking… “Chey…” Haha!

But if you know my fitness level… then you would think that I have gone out of my mind! The last time I did any real exercise was when I was 15 or 16, and that was like more than 10 years ago!

And if you are wondering…

“Why in the world then did you sign up for a 10km run?”

Well, I have wanted to start an exercise regime for the longest time, and I thought what would be a better way to jump start it than to set a goal? And that was why a few months ago, I decided to sign up for the run!

Did not push too much thought to it, until a couple of days ago…

I was thinking… oh no! I have not trained for it at all! Apart from getting a pair of swanky running shoes, I pretty much have not done anything.

I started to panic… What should I do? Should I drop out? But my pride did not allow me to… haha!

So, I came up with a plan… since I am going to torture myself, why not come up with a motivation plan?

Hence, I decided to run for a cause! To provide vaccination for 100 children in Bangladesh, a program supported by World Vision. And get my friends to support me. And the support has been overwhelming!

Instead of helping to vaccinate 100 kids, I have enough support to vaccinate 200 kids! Isn’t that amazing? I love my friends!

So, here I am. Just came back from my training. I know, I should have started months before…

Got my entry kit today, and saw the route map… looks pretty scary…

But I have a motivation… to help 200 kids!

Violet, you can do it! Jiayou! (Self-motivation!)

Watch this space, I will update you on how it went!

Did a press conference last week to release the survey findings of the ADAMS (Association of Dating Agencies and Matchmakers Singapore). One of the interesting findings was that quite a number of locals think that by having more foreigners in Singapore actually increase their dating opportunities.

Was interviewed on Razor TV. Check out the following 2 clips… they interviewed many locals and foreigners to ask what they think… really interesting!

They’re stealing our girls! (Foreigners dating Locals Pt 1)

A different kind of SPG (Foreigners dating Locals Pt 2)

I often get asked, “Do pick up lines work?” 

From the last I checked, no girls will appreciate you telling her that her father is a thief and stealing the stars and putting them into her eyes. Cheesy pick-up lines in general do not work.

And if your plan to charm her is to compliment her on how beautiful she is, chances are to an attractive lady who has been hit on 10 to 30 times a day… you probably would come across as tiresome, unoriginal and insincere. On the other hand, if you approach an attractive lady the same way as any other guy i.e. “Hi, I am Joe, I would like to get to know you,” you might come across as boring and predictable. Attractive women who has heard this line hundreds of time usually lose interest very quickly.

So, the crucial factor here is to attract her naturally engage her into a conversation.

Hence I would recommend conversation starters as compared to cheesy lines that sound insincere or bland “I want to get to know you” lines.  Try asking a question which engages her into a natural conversation. Be flexible to adapt that conversation starter to the situation you both are in. If you both happen to be at a seminar, you could even simply ask her how she felt the speaker was and progress from her answer.

Besides knowing how to engage her naturally in a conversation, what is even more important is how you embark on it. 

Say if a person tries to engage a lady in a conversation and he is visibly quaking and stuttering as he goes about it.  As he is conversing, he is deadly serious, unsmiling  and stiff as he tries to talk to her.

Compare that with a man who has calm and comfortable body language as he approaches the lady. He says what is needed in a casual and light tone and is not afraid of the consequences. He is smiley and playful and even crack a humorous joke in the middle of it all. 

Who is the lady more likely to give her number to?

So the key is, be comfortable be in your own skin, be confident, and do not try too hard.

Happy dating!

(Note: First appeared in New Man Malaysia July 2009 Edition)

Hi Violet,

I came across your blog as I am desperately looking for an answer.  So here’s my story.  My boyfriend and I met at work.  He has recently returned to Singapore while I am staying behind in Hong Kong.  We have been having a long distance relationship for the past six months.  Everything was going very well in spite of the distance.  We were very close and talk to each other often.  We have even made marriage plans for the near future. Then about a month ago, everything changed literally overnight. He refused to talk to me after a minor argument which we could easily work out as a mature couple.  He told me to give him some time which I did.  And a week ago, he decided that we are no long compatible.  Violet, this is very hard for me to believe because he had only reassured his commitment to our relationship just the night before the ‘fight’.  What do you think is going on?  I am heartbroken and devastated.  What is wrong here?  Please help!

-J

Dear J,

Thank you for your letter.

I understand that having invested so much love and time into your relationship with your boyfriend, let’s call him X, you must be really devastated and frustrated with the current situation.

Based on what you have told me, I can’t really point out what is going on because I do not know enough, and I do not know X’s version of the story.

What went wrong? The possibilities are endless. However, one thing I know for sure is… if X had a change of heart, this did not happen overnight. Like you say, you have been sustaining a long distance relationship for 6 months. Things might look well on the surface, but he might have had a tough time trying to keep the LDR going. And when you had that minor argument, however minor, for him, it is the breaking point. Or he might not see the relationship going anywhere as he’s in Singapore and you are in HK. And even though he really IS committed, he just does not see a future.

Bottom line is, there is no point for us to speculate. The best way to know what went wrong is to talk to him. See if there is anything you can both do to work things out.

If he is reluctant to talk, then just move on. There is no point trying to beg him to stay. The more you call him and SMS him, the more you will be seen as ‘lower value’ to him.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to be strong, and work on being a better and stronger person. And by then who knows? He might be the one coming back to beg for your forgiveness. And it will then be up to you whether you still want him back.

I know things are not going to be easy. In these times, support from friends would be most important. Hang out with your girlfriends, take up a new hobby, go on a trip you have always wanted to go and eventually, you will meet someone who will cherish you for who you are. Jiayou!

Take care.

Love, Violet

Readers, please do feel free to chip in to help J out, thanks!

Everybody around you is talking about the recession. You heard through the grapevine that your company is planning to do another retrench exercise. It’s time to tighten up on your spending. As you know, dating is about impressing.

So how do you cut down on your spending, and yet not come across as a cheap date? Here are 6 creative date ideas that you can implement to recession-proof your dating!

1)      Play tourist: Tired of the same old hangouts? Always going to the shopping centres for coffee or dinner? Break the routine. It’s time to play tourist. Grab a copy of the local map, and go off the beaten track. Bring your camera along and take lots of photos of what you see and of each other!

2)      Be a volunteer: When you give, you will receive. What better ways to impress your date by showing her that you have a BIG heart? Look out some local charities and see how you can help out. If both of you are animal lovers, head down to SPCA and help them out for a day. Or you could visit an old folks’ home to bring some cheer to the elderly folks. Take this opportunity to get to know your date better, as you see their compassionate side.

3)      Visit the flea markets: Women love to shop! Offer to drive your date to one of the flea markets in town, and spend time exploring the various booths with her. She will be really impressed to finally meet a guy who is willing to shop with her!

4)      Move that dinner date to picnic under the stars: Rather than the boring (not to mention expensive) dinner date, move it one notch up by dining under the stars! Romance her with your prepared picnic basket of champagne and strawberries. Do remember to bring along insect repellent to keep the mozzies away.

5)      Cook up a storm: They used to say, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” In today’s world, I think the same applies for women as well. Rather than pay hundreds of dollars for a 3 course dinner, why not cook your own dinner? Your date will definitely be touched by your culinary efforts.

6)      Watch the sunset together: Stroll down the beach together, hand in hand. It’s beautiful. It’s romantic. It’s sweet. And most importantly, it’s free.

The key here is to be creative and innovative. Put some thought into it, and think of something that you’ll both enjoy doing. The more personalized the experience, the better it is. The great thing about being on a budget is that you are forced to think out of the box, and this will make the date a unique experience! And when it is an all new experience for her, it would make the date, and you, more memorable!

Happy dating!

(Note: First appeared in New Man Malaysia Oct 2009)

A while ago, I attended a relationship seminar. As part of my profession, I constantly go for seminars to learn from other experts. And this time, it is a seminar by a couple – Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn.

One of the most interesting takeaways I had from this particular seminar was…

Respect to Men is like what Love is to Women.

So what does that mean exactly?

A lot of times in a relationship… men and women have conflict… over money.

Especially when the man loses his job. Or the woman gets a pay rise, and now earns more than the man.

Sometimes, the woman loses respect for the man. She does not mean to. But we are so hardwired to think that the man is supposed to be the provider. He is supposed to bring back the bacon. And suddenly, when she becomes the main provider, the dynamics of the relationship begin to change.

Coming back to… Respect to a Man is what Love is to a Woman.

As a woman, we expect to be loved no matter what. We feel that we deserved to be loved by our man. No matter how good or bad we have been. It is supposed to be a given.

And hence, it is actually the same for a man. He expects to be respected no matter what. He does not need to earn it.

According to a research done by the Feldhahns, apparently, men are willing to leave a relationship if they felt they are constantly being disrespected, even though they knew for sure that their partners love them.

How does this apply to real life?

Was a speaker at a recent matchmaking seminar in Singapore. Was asked this question…

Violet, does a relationship work if the woman earns more than the man?

Actually, the crux of the matter here is not the salary. It is about each party playing their role. The woman can be the sole breadwinner, and the man can be a house husband and they still can be happy, if the woman shows the man that she respects him and his contribution to the family; and the man shows the woman love.

The problem is when the woman starts to resent the man for not bringing home the bacon, or start showing him contempt because she feels that he no longer deserves her respect.

In a relationship, it always takes two hands to clap. Respect and love come hand-in-hand.

Dear Readers,

I received a very heartwarming note on a Monday morning. It really instantly brightened up my day, and it was a great start to the week. It is from one of my LUNCH Actually clients who is also my blog reader. Have checked with her if it’s ok to publish her note in my blog, and she has given me permission… so here it is!

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Hi Violet,

Firstly, just want to say that you and your team has done a great job in introducing men to me. Thank you so much! The men are mostly of pretty good quality, but I guess perhaps at times its really the chemistry that is lacking. Secondly, your blog has been really insightful, especially your tips on relationships.

Now for the good news – I got attached 2 weeks back! He is not from any agency but from my church. And it is a big surprise to me because when I first met him early last year, he was not exactly someone I would even consider. He did not meet any of my so-called criteria. I did not even want to talk to him or meet up with him. But as time went by, we got involved in religious activities together, then somehow started spending more time with each other, and before I knew it, we got together. It was a very natural progression, no fireworks or big drumrolls or whatnot, but we just became “inseparable”.

One of your recent posts struck me – it is true that sometimes you may state down whatever criteria you have, but at the end of the day, when you have found someone you can really communicate with, someone you can be totally comfortable with, and someone who shares your goals, visions and outlook in life, a lot of things really don’t matter. Like he doesn’t meet my height criteria, he’s not even Chinese, he’s not the high-flier I wanted, but yet with him, I can be totally myself. I can say what I want anytime I want, I can be totally outspoken and opinionated, I can tell him off, and he still accepts it. He is not the eloquent guy I wanted, but between both of us, we can talk non-stop, joke, make corny remarks and whatnot.

So at the end of the day, I believe once we’ve found a companion, all other “criteria” really don’t matter. What’s important is looking towards the same direction and how both get along with each other. Having said that, things look rather promising for this relationship, so I would like to put my membership on hold for now. Once again, thanks so much for the great job you’ve been doing!

Best Regards,
Celia

Her advice to all of you out there who’s looking for love is, “…not to write anyone off just because the other party may not be “fitting” at first instance. I’m glad I didn’t in the end!”

So, never give up and keep an open mind!